The Language of Nathan
When you work from home, you have to make your own entertainment. One of my favorite pastimes seems to be inventing ridiculous terms of endearment.
They usually start with one of the pets. For example, I started calling our dog “sillykins.” Next came “babykins,” which evolved into a name for Daniel too. “Hello, babykins.” And finally, there was “sexykins,” which was made just for Daniel.
Another favorite is “crazy pants,” which started when our dog got out of hand. “Settle down, crazy pants!” Imagine my excitement when the name caught on and Daniel started using the word too. Sometimes I extend the name to “crazy pants mcgee.” Things are really getting out of control when mcgee shows up!
Last but not least, there is “stupid head.” That name is usually reserved for the DVR, cell phone, or any other electronic that is malfunctioning. It’s typically accompanied by throwing the remote or similar devices.
Now that you’ve been introduced to my own style of language, let’s see if anything catches on. Go ahead and try them out. My words are fun!
Jean-Claude Van Damme Thinks Gay People Are “Tasty”
I’m assuming this quote was a typo that spread like wildfire, but according to this interview, Jean-Claude thinks gay people are just plain delicious.
- “Most gay people are very tasty people – they like beautiful stuff in their lives. If they like me, it means they have taste. They don’t follow me for my butt shots. They like me for me.”
— Jean-Claude Van Damme
The quote comes from an interview with Sabotage Times. And while I hate to resort to childish humor, I have to confess it made me laugh.
Nothing wrong with a little humor. I agree that we gay people are very tasty. 
¿Hablas español?
Recently I’ve decided to try learning the Spanish language, but it’s taking me awhile to grasp it.
Remember the days when we learned a dozen new things a week? New words, new scientific formulas, new math equations. Once we become adults, not only do we forget a lot of what we learned, we also stop learning new things.
I’ve been curious to learn Spanish for awhile. And while it seems particularly challenging to me to learn a new language, I’m really going to give it a try.
A friend suggested that I write down the names of common things in the house and tape a note to them with the Spanish translation. Very useful tip. I’ve also been listening to a couple of Mariah Carey songs that she sang in Spanish. I already know the English lyrics, so hearing the Spanish version gives me a general idea of what she’s saying.
My main friend is http://translate.google.com. Sometimes the translations are pretty accurate, but other times, they can be rather embarrassing. I was going to invite some friends to see “Friends with Benefits” but when I asked in Spanish, it sounded closer to an offer to have an orgy. Whoops. Gotta be careful with these translations.
Feel free to leave a comment in Spanish. I’ll use my handy translator and respond back. 
3 Reasons Why I Love Big Girls
1.) They sneak great candy into their purse at movies.
We’re not talking about that butterscotch candy your Grandma carried. This is the good stuff. Twizzlers, Butterfingers, Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups. Big girls don’t mess around with wimpy candy.
2.) They know about convenient inventions.
Have you ever seen a big girl standing in line? Hell no. They bring those canes that fold out into a chair with them. How smart. Who wants to stand anyway?
3.) They love to dance.
Forget those awkward, skinny girls trying to bust a move on the dancefloor. Big girls come prepared to party and know how to shake it.
Let’s close with one of my favorite songs by Mika — “Big Girl (You Are Beautiful)”
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yDSK91mUNLU&ob=av2e
Sopapilla Mexican Cheesecake Recipe
This recipe is so good I had to publish it again!
Last year, I wrote a post about sopapilla cheesecake, which is popular in Mexico. Readers tried it out themselves and loved it, so I decided I should share it again. In fact, everyone who tries it loves it. This is the fail-proof dessert that Daniel and I bring to parties and it’s always the first to disappear.
I took this pic. Can’t you just smell the freshly cooked cream cheese, cinnamon, and honey?
Ingredients:
16 oz. cream cheese softened
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
2 8 oz. cans of crescent rolls (refrigerated, unperforated if you can find them)
1 stick of butter softened (equal to 1/2 cup or 8 tbsp.)
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
Honey
Directions:
1. Preheat oven on 350 degrees
2. Spread out the first cresent roll on a 9×13 pan
3. Mix cream cheese, 1 cup sugar, and vanilla, then spread it on top of the first crescent roll, all the way to the edges
4. Carefully unroll the second crescent roll over the top of the mix in the pan
5. Mix together butter, 3/4 cup sugar, and cinnamon. Spread it over the top but don’t oversaturate.
6. Bake for 30-35 mins. or until crust is golden brown.
7. Drizzle honey over the top and serve hot or at room temperature. We usually let it cool down and then cut into squares.
A Big FAIL in Foreskin Rights
I am very disappointed to read that a San Francisco judge has shut down plans to ban underage circumcision of boys.
The proposed law, which would have been on the ballots this November, would make it illegal for parents to circumcise their son if he was under the age of 18.
Consider these facts:
- Female circumcision has already been banned in the United States. I guess males don’t deserve the same protection?
- Circumcision is illegal in many countries, and in others, it is only performed in emergency situations. The United States is one of the only countries that performs circumcision as an elective surgery where no harm is being caused by the foreskin.
- Circumcision kills more babies each year than suffocation or car accidents. (Source)
- The overall circumcision rate on newborns in the U.S. is down to 33% and continues to drop each year. New parents are making the smart choice for their sons.
I found it particularly infuriating that Judge Loretta Giorgi said, “The evidence presented is overwhelmingly persuasive that circumcision is a widely practiced medical procedure.”
Overwhelmingly persuasive? Really? I don’t suppose that has anything to do with the fact that many hospitals charge $500 to snip babies and some even sell the foreskins to cosmetic companies for use in products. Hmmm… I don’t suppose there would be any bias from the doctors who make quick, easy money on circumcision, would there?
Also, just because it’s “widely practiced” doesn’t mean it’s right. I wonder if she’d feel the same if the topic was female circumcision, which again, is illegal in the U.S.
Read the full article about the judge’s decision here.
Spending the Day with Me
Working from home requires plenty of concentration and quiet time. I try to operate the same way I would if I were leaving the house each day to go into an office. So I keep Anna upstairs in her crate, just as many dog owners do when they go to work.
Most of the time, this arrangement works pretty well. But somedays, Anna won’t stop crying, which means Daddy Nathan can’t get any work done. So I have to bring her downstairs to my home office in order to get her to calm down.
Here’s Anna, looking very happy and satisfied that she gets to spend the day with me:
And here’s Purr Purr, less than thrilled that a doggie has interrupted our quiet time:
It’s Broccoli Botch!
The website Damn You Auto Correct has become my new obsession! It gets me laughing until I cry!
Here’s one of my favorites. I find myself wanting to walk into the room and announce, “It’s broccoli botch!” every where I go. Ha ha!
And here’s another funny one, where a son says he’s come out of the closet, only to be met by his mother saying she always had a hunch. Turns out he meant to type that he was coming out of the clinic instead. Whoops.
If you’ve never been to the site, you should go there now! Just make sure you have the rest of your afternoon free because I guarantee you’re going to be there awhile!
They’re Called Seasons, People!
Every summer, I listen to my friends bitch about how hot it is. Then every winter, I listen to them bitch about how cold it is. It’s almost as if people get amnesia and forget what seasons are.
I think everyone should move to San Francisco where the average temperature is 60 degrees every day of the year.
And I’m so sorry if you broke a bead of sweat while walking from your air conditioned car into your air conditioned office. Life’s hard, I know.
Justin Yermouth Returns with Advice on Vaginal Fisting
Last year, I wrote a guest advice column called Ask Justin Yermouth on my friend Chris’ blog, My 2 Cents. It was a spin-off of his own advice column, Ask Sofanda Cox.
Well since Chris is too busy fucking animals on FarmVille to write anymore, and I presume Sofanda drank one too many vodkas and fell down a flight of stairs, I suppose it’s my duty to keep the dream alive. Afterall, what would the world do without the brutally honest advice of fictional characters? So without further ado, here it is…
Dear Justin,
My boyfriend wants to fist my vagina. At first I was apprehensive, but after watching some videos with him, I think it looks kind of hot. We’ve been practicing and he can get four fingers in. I think I’m ready to go all the way with it. Do you have any advice?
Open Wide Wanda
- Dear Wanda,
Good for you for being such a versatile whore. It sounds like you’re a real doormat if you’d let a man wreck the only vagina you’ll ever have. And “boyfriend,” you say? So he hasn’t even put a ring on it yet? Interesting that you’re willing to let a man crack open your bearded oyster without any long-term commitment to stick around after it’s reduced to a sloppy ham sandwich that will look like it threw up all over itself.
Anyhoos, on a positive note, fisting can be a wonderful thing. It can give you a full body orgasm that rocks you to the core. I don’t know why it’s such a taboo topic. Nobody thinks twice about putting a dick or a few fingers in there. So what’s the big deal with putting a whole fist up there?
But there are some things I need to warn you about… First of all, don’t think you’re close just because he can get four fingers in you. That’s nature’s wicked sense of humor fucking with you. The real challenge is the knuckle of his thumb. It takes a lot of practice and patience to get past that fifth knuckle, but once he does, sliding the rest of his hand in will be easy.
Second, and just as important, I think you should know that men never marry their fist fuck girlfriend. It’s just not happening. Sure, you might have some wild, kinky, amazing sex now. But the woman he shoves his whole hand up isn’t going to be the mother of his children. So I hope you don’t plan on this relationship going any further once you cross that threshold.
Now that you’ve gone this far, it’s hard to turn him down without looking like the total cock tease of a whore that you are. But hey, just remember that once you’re loose, he’ll be able to throw a hotdog in there and just watch it bounce around. That’s no fun at all.
Keep it tight, girlfriend!
Justin
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That’s it for now, boys and girls! Be sure to submit your questions to Justin in the comments.
