I’m so high above you that you look like a little ant, muhahaha!

For a very brief period, I associated with a group of wealthy 40-50-somethings in an upscale section of Nashville. It was fun for awhile, but then I found the conversation to be insufferable. They really and truly acted like something snobby out of a fictional television show.

“Dahling, did you hear about this fabulous new spa that just opened? They use dead baby seals for facials.”

“No, Mitzi, I didn’t. But have you heard about the homeless people on 5th Avenue? I attached one to a broom the other day and the oil from his hair made a fabulous conditioner for my hardwoods.”

They both cackled wildly as they dabbed the caviar off the sides of their lips.

Okay, that didn’t really happen, but you get the point. Rich, snobby, dead inside. Moving on…

The thing that really got me was their references to the high rise building they all lived in. Teeny tiny apartments condos that sold for ridiculous amounts of money. Everyone lived in a shoebox with a breathtaking view of the Nashville skyline. They even had a 10×10 “balcony” to step out on and enjoy.

Let’s say the building was called The Veranda (it wasn’t, but we’ll pretend it was). All I heard about was The Veranda. One guy actually posted a Facebook status saying, “I need to get away from The Veranda this weekend.”

What the fuck, dude?! It’s a building in Nashville. You live in a building. A stupid, overpriced building. And there is no sign on the outside! No fucking sign. I had such a hard time finding it because it’s sandwiched between other buildings and there is just one very discreet entrance to the parking garage.

So one night, I arrived, feeling very flustered at the 20 minutes I’d spent circling the block, trying to find it. I asked one of the women, “How do I know when I’m here without a sign on the building?”

Her response was simple. “Because, dahling, it’s The Veranda. You don’t need a sign, you just know when you’ve arrived.”

Whatever, bitch. I was so over that whole scene. If that’s what it means to be wealthy, I’d rather stick to being modest and happy. :)


Let’s talk about cleaning your pooper shooter.

There is this anal douche with a glow-in-the-dark tip. That sounds kind of fun and cool at first. Oh, wee! It’s glows! But then if you stop and think about it… Well, it’s kind of confusing.

I’m assuming you douche in the bathroom, preferably while sitting on the toilet. Would any bottoms out there care to confirm or deny this?

Okay, so if you’re dealing with that level of messiness, I’m assuming you’d want as much lighting as possible to make sure there is no splashage. Am I wrong?

Sooo… In what situation would you be relying on the subtle green light of a douche tip to guide the way to your chocolate starfish? It sounds scary and messy, and sends a germophobe like me into seizures.

I’ve been polling friends and having intellectual brainstorming sessions in hopes of discovering a scientific (or even theoretic) reason for such a feature. Nobody has the answer.

Perhaps I should contact the manufacturer directly and schedule an in-depth phone interview to find out exactly why the tip glows. Don’t even think about stealing my idea. It will be a Nathan Exposed Exclusive. It’s already copyrighted. Boo-yah!


Everything that could have went wrong did yesterday…

I’m not trying to be overly dramatic. First of all, something went horribly wrong with the sell of my house and it’s foreclosing next Thursday. I will be evicted after that, if I haven’t moved out already. The bank messed up, and that’s putting it mildly, and I’m going to need an attorney to get this all sorted out. The details are too complex, so I’ll just leave it alone for now and deal with it privately, offline.

In the mean time, I am moving, which I was going to do anyway. The circumstances are much different, but whatever… It’s happening, and I’m leaving. I will most likely just stay in the same suburb outside of Nashville. I don’t think I can stomach anymore big changes right now.

Continue Reading…


If you go to vote in Tennessee, you cannot wear anything with campaign slogans, logos, or names on it. This includes shirts, hats, buttons, stickers, jackets, or anything else with a political agenda. In fact, there are posted rules that say you can’t even talk about politics while waiting in line. Other states are enforcing similar restrictions.

Some voters are angry about this, saying this violates their rights. But personally, I think it’s a very good rule. When Rodney and I went to vote today, it was a peaceful experience. Every one in line was very quiet and respectful of each other. There was no controversy, no agendas. I really appreciated it.

I lived in North Carolina when I voted in 2004. I remember waiting in line and actually having local politicians come up to me and try to get me to vote for them. It was so offensive and invasive. I felt uncomfortable as they went to each person down the line and tried to carry on a conversation. Can’t I just vote in peace?

So when it comes to restrictions like this, I think it’s a good thing. As long as it’s enforced across the board, of course. It wouldn’t be fair if McCain supporters got away with it but Obama supporters didn’t, or vice versa. But as long as everyone is treated fairly, I think it’s a very good thing to keep a calm and neutral environment at the voting booth.


I have taken many forms of the Myers Briggs personality tests, and they do vary just a bit. But overall, they pretty much fall under INFJ and sometimes ISFJ.


You Are An INFJ

The Protector

You live your life with integrity, originality, vision, and creativity.
Independent and stubborn, you rarely stray from your vision - no matter what it is.
You are an excellent listener, with almost infinite patience.
You have complex, deep feelings, and you take great care to express them.

You would make a great photographer, alternative medicine guru, or teacher.

What’s Your Personality Type?

Since I’m still recovering from this annoying cold, I don’t have much to report. But in lieu of the New Year, I felt it would be appropriate to choose my favorite posts of each month.

Have a safe and Happy New Year everyone!

January 2006

The Art of Manscaping - I call this my “break through” podcast. I’ve never received so much feedback from a post, it was a great start to the New Year.

My humps. - Someone’s been a very bad boy.

Making sex better for you - The beginning of my relationship with AdamMale. I’m glad I could make a small contribution to the adult entertainment industry.

Beer and Bruises - This was part of Darkness Week, where I posted a lot of negative stories that I was ready to share. This particular post was about Cathy’s alcoholic father.

Mr. Manners: Bathroom Edition - One of the first of many posts about the bathroom.

February

My Secret Valentine - A story that will warm your wittle heart.

Breaking News from NBC - You need a sense of humor to fully appreciate this post. Sorry to brag, but this was hilarious. I can’t believe more people didn’t “get” it.

git ma hair did. - I need a separate blog just to keep track of how many times my hair changed this year.

anal bleaching - Ah, the perfect way to pass the time on a dull winter day.

hey, look at my ass! - Everybody uses a mirror to look at their asshole. I don’t care what you say.

March

The anniversary post - Wow, we made it! Rodney and I celebrated 5 years together!

hide-and-seek - My favorite memory of my little niece so far!

open relationships. - I finally shared my own opinions on open relationships among gay couples. Do whatever works for you, but this post explains why it doesn’t work for me.

April

Nightmares of Goatse - When I read this post, I am reminded of how vulgar I used to be. What has happened to me?

Househunt, Part 3: Finding Our Home - It was so much fun, now that I look back. The pleasures of not knowing the future.

May

Do men have PMS? - I’m not a scientist… but yes, we do.

a little more compassion, please - The nation was using immigration to justify their stereotypes and racism. I was ANGRY.

Househunt Part 5: The Last One - Home. Sweet. Home.

I AM NOT SHALLOW. - I really hated this period of my blog. Sometimes people take what you say way out of context. I’m glad this is over.

Let’s start a pissing movement… - Who knew so many men sit down to pee?

June

I Hate You Nair - And I still do.

how to reduce the smell of baby poop - Why do I always have to be the brilliant one?

never too old to change. - If a 90-year-old woman can accept me as a gay grandson, I really do have faith in the rest of the world.

Best Weekend Ever, Part 1 - This the crazy kind of invitation I send friends.

To be continued…


seth_video_tapeFriday, September 30, 2005; Posted: 9:53 a.m. EDT (13:53 GMT))

LA CROSSE, Wisconsin (AP) — Seth Hammes was filming in the woods when his camcorder recorded the crack of gunshots, the 17-year-old’s screams and the voice of the alleged shooter, promising help that never came.

Authorities say they might never have learned what happened to Hammes, who later died in the woods.

“But right next to him was the videotape,” Monroe County Sheriff Pete Quirin said Thursday. “That’s when we knew we had a homicide on our hands.”

After viewing and listening to the tape, police tracked down 24-year-old Russell Schroeder, who now faces charges of reckless homicide and reckless injury. Schroeder was being held on $250,000 bond. If convicted, he faces up to 85 years in prison.

Family members said Hammes and two of his friends had gone bow-hunting Saturday morning in the woods near Little Falls, about 35 miles northeast of La Crosse.

Hammes put down his bow and picked up his camcorder that afternoon.

According to the criminal complaint, he was shot in the pelvis and then the heart. His camcorder fell to the ground but caught the sound of the shots and his own screams.

The tape shows a person Quirin identified as Schroeder in a nearby field, telling Hammes he would call for help on his cell phone. He then said he couldn’t find a signal but promised to go get help.

Instead, authorities say, Schroeder went to a birthday party, home to play video games and then to his job as a custodian at the Army’s Fort McCoy near Sparta

Schroeder didn’t call anyone because he was scared he would get in trouble, the complaint said. He told police he thought he was shooting at a squirrel until he heard Hammes scream.

After family and friends reported Hammes missing, police used bloodhounds to find his body in the woods that night.

Investigators initially believed he had just died in the woods — there was no blood to indicate foul play, and he had been shot with a .22-caliber rifle, which left only small wounds, Quirin said. Then authorities saw the camcorder tape.

Hammes’ family gathered at his grandparents’ home in La Crosse after Hammes’ funeral on Thursday.

Ed Hammes said his nephew loved to tinker with the family’s lawn mowers and research pyrotechnics. He hung out with the La Crosse Skyrockers fireworks club, which produces the city’s New Year’s Eve fireworks.

“He was shy for the most part, but he’d go out of his way to help you,” Ed Hammes said.

Source: Netscape News


Here’s a beautiful wallpaper for your computer desktop.

This one is called “Fall in Tennessee”. Click the image for a larger version, or visit this page to pick out your own customized size.

fallintennessee_1280x960


Oh, shit, I’ve been tagged :) Vince over at Welcome to My Truth asked me to participate in this interesting experiment.

The concept: Find my 23rd post (or something close) and post the 5th sentence (or something close).
——————
My 23rd post was called The Joy of Macs. And the 5th line is perfect — it’s exactly what I love to say!

“If you don’t own a Mac, I know you’ve thought about it.”

——————
And next, I have to tag 5 other people to participate. He already picked 2 of my friends (Scott of Purple Twinkie and Sunshine) so here are my 5:

- Michael
- Scott (yet another Scott)
- Kirk
- Jackson
- Cory (though I will be surprised if he does it because he’ll probably say “tagging is so gay”)
——————
And these are the rules repeated from Vince’s post:

1. Delve into your blog archive.
2. Find you 23rd post (or closest to).
3. Find the fifth sentence (or closest to).
4. Post the text of the sentence in your blog along with these instructions.
5. Tag five people to do the same.


By the way, I want to note that my new blog design has not yet been tested on a piece of a crap Windows machine yet.

Microsoft thinks it’s cute to ignore all CSS and HTML standards, so I might be very sad when I see my site tomorrow on a PC. My apologies if this site looks awful on your computer.

Sidenote, isn’t it about time you switched to a Mac? I know you’ve thought about it ;)

Update: Just as suspected, IE ignored some of my CSS. It wasn’t nearly as bad as I anticipated. Looks fine on every other browser. Get with the times Microsoft.