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Tonight a guy told me that I “almost got him fired” because of my post Amateur Porn Is So Funny, Part 5. He went on to say I should have blurred out the nudity because it was unnecessary, and tried to make me feel that it was somehow my fault that he opened the post at work through his RSS feed. So I feel it’s important to point out the obvious… Don’t read my blog at work. I admit, this is partially my fault. I did use a deceptive title. Afterall, the post did have the word “porn” in the title. I’m sure he expected pictures of kittens or baby Jesus. Gotcha! Please allow me to point out even more instances in which I’ve tricked people into thinking this is a wholesome place to visit at work… 1 - The header has a picture of me with my pants down around my ankles, which is the first clue that you should not read my blog at work. 2 - The sidebar contains banner ads for sponsors in the porn and sex toy industry. In fact, this blog is pretty much funded by sex. Clue #2. 3 - I have been known to post
And we can’t forget the classic AdamMale porn humor post from 2005 that changed the way adult catalogs are marketed. You see, I have a very long history of being dirty, and no sign of stopping anytime soon. So I think it’s only fair to warn you… If you stop by on your work computer, you’re doing it at your own risk. I’d like to believe I have the power to “get people fired”, but fortunately, that’s something only you control.
My frequent readers know how much I love bad amateur porn. I think this picture is going to have to go in the Nathan Exposed Hall of Shame. At first glance, this picture is pretty sexy. This guy in sitting in a chair and appears to be really deep into some type of fantasy about the hunk next door. Then, as we look closer, we see the disaster zone. Where do we begin? There’s a can of Hot Spot carpet cleaner and a box of Jenga pieces on the computer desk. I find the carpet cleaner laughable because I doubt this guy has seen the carpet anytime this century. And why is the Jenga box right there next to the computer? Does he keep it nearby for those emergency situations when he just needs to break out some fun? The maps pinned to the cork board are mildly amusing since you probably need a map to find your way out of there. Let’s pan around the corner to the ironing board that’s against the wall, with a huge pile of clothes nearby on top of the couch. I had to look really hard to realize that was a couch. This is just a disaster. I’ve seen tornadoes blow through homes here in Tennessee that left rooms in better shape. Don’t even get me started on the smell this place probably has. Eck. Sorry, Mr. Hot Horny Guy. You’ve done a very nice job working out in the gym. But now you need to put those muscles to work and clean that place up. I guarantee you’ll have at least one moment when you stop and say “Hey, I’d been wondering where that was.”
Over the years, I’ve written a number of posts that make fun of the crazy nude amateur photos that I find on the internet. It’s hard to look sexy when there’s a litter box pushed into the corner (”out of view”), a lonely sandwich and Coke on the table to the right, or distracting images of daytime talk shows in the background. Is it cruel to make fun? Sure, a little. You have to give credit to those brave enough to post their ding-a-ling online. But come on… you have to admit, some of these amateur photos are hilarious! And I’m not the only one who thinks so. I’ve come across a blog that shares my same cruel humor for the awful and embarrassing crap people post online. AND there’s a whole panel of writers that pick apart and criticize these photos, one by one. Here’s just a small taste: When Richard Simmons is feeling naughty… File under things I didn’t need to see… If I stand very still, maybe they won’t see me… Hey Santa, I’m as surprised as you are! I have a feeling this man has a bumper stick that says McCain ‘08… You can see hundreds more hilarious photos like these at the Lurid Digs blog. I’m just so happy someone else appreciates the humor of bad amateur porn.
For the couples out there, I hope you have a day of love, passion, and bliss. For the singles out there, here’s a sexy series I enjoyed, titled “Call Me Anytime”:
[ Click here to see the full, uncensored series of “Call Me Anytime” ] Let’s talk about sex. We’re all adults here, right? We can have a civilized conversation. The spread of HIV is rising in alarming numbers. As we’re moving into the third decade of really knowing and understanding this disease, you’d think we’d all be smart enough to play it safe. But now risky sex has its own fetish name… “barebacking”. In case you don’t know, barebacking refers to having unprotected sex and is pretty much just used in the gay community. What’s so hot about it? First of all, it says you don’t respect yourself. I don’t think that’s ever an attractive quality. Second, I don’t even see why it’s so exciting. Let’s look at it from the angle of the “top” and “bottom” (oh, how I hate those words…) For tops: Another excuse that a lot of guys used to make was that they were “too big” for a condom. HAHAHA! Let me pick myself off the floor from laughing. A study was done to prove that most condoms stretch to more than double the size of the average erect penis. In other words, there’s plenty of rubber to accommodate your size. I can make a water balloon out of a condom. If you’re telling me you’re bigger than that, we need to talk. But just to put this old excuse to rest, manufacturers have started making “extra large” condoms, so again, no excuses. There is something available for everyone. For bottoms: When I am the receptive partner, I really can’t tell the difference. In fact, I’m kind of annoyed because now I’m going to have to go to the toilet and squeeze it out. There’s just nothing sexy about that. I know, I know… some guys will probably argue my point. But if your ass were sensitive enough to actually feel the semen, having a bowel movement would be very painful because every nerve would be hit as it passed through your rectum. So you can’t really feel a man ejaculate inside you. But the mental image of it happening can cause you to imagine what it might feel like… so much that is does seem real. Looking at it from two points of view, I just don’t see the appeal. I certainly don’t see a reason to risk your health and well being for a new sexual fetish. Just wrap it up, guys! With the right condom, you won’t even know the difference! And I personally think that taking care of your health is very sexy.
Oh, come on, you’re holding out. Don’t be shy, just raise your hand up if you’ve ever worn them. Fine, we’re not going to get anywhere if you don’t tell the truth. I’ll go first… I have worn Edible Undies. Yes… those awful, ridiculous things you buy at Spencer’s for $7. It was a long, long time ago, and we’re all entitled to stupid mistakes. I don’t know what dumbass invented these, but I guess they had good intentions. They thought “Gee, wouldn’t it be sexy if a man had flavored candy underwear on that you could eat off his dick?” Yes, it does sound a little hot in theory. I’ll give them that. So one weekend, a partner and I decided it would be fun if I put some on. What I didn’t expect is that these things melt onto your skin, and the heat from your body turns them into a sticky pool of sugar within minutes. Liquids of any kind (translation: my pre-cum) make them disintegrate even faster. Let’s just say there wasn’t anything sexy about them, and they had all but evaporated before the fun could begin. I ended up peeling them off and throwing them away. I just thought I’d share this little gem from my past. To my horror, these things are still being sold, complete with the original 1980’s packaging! How do the makers stay in business? Are there really that many people who make the same mistake buying them? Well, let me save you some trouble… don’t do it. Whip cream is still a classic, and I highly recommend it.
I first discovered the obsession my readers have with jockstraps last summer, when I wrote a post about a jockstrap photo contest going on. Readers discussed, voted, and talked about who they thought looked the hottest and who the winner should be. I even swear I saw a fellow blogger’s photo in one of the submissions, but I’ll probably never call him out on it.
The more I talked about it, the more I realized how versatile and popular jockstraps are. In fact, they’re practically required uniforms in porn. Apparently gay guys love their jockstraps! For sex, receptive guys love them because they can get pounded in the ass while keeping their dick from flopping everywhere. The straps also provide a good handle. For fashion, they are something that looks very sexy, while also being lightweight and giving support without underwear lines. I’ve seen photos of guys wearing jockstraps that range from really masculine to really fem. I guess it’s one kind of underwear that works for all types of people. That lead one of my readers to ask me what jockstraps are popular for. That’s a good question. I had no idea, only assumptions since I didn’t even own a pair. I guess they mean different things to different people, but seem to be a growing trend. Well, no matter why you love them, let’s celebrate the jockstrap for all its hotness! (All photos are from Jockstrap Central. Thanks guys!)
Well, well… I see how it is. I posted what was probably the most informative and relevant guide to preventing colds that I’ve ever seen online, and this was the response: - One comment about eating boogers. - One comment selling a product. - One comment that had that classic sarcastic humor I love so much. - One comment telling me to post naked photos of men. I should take you guys over my knee and spank you one at a time. But I digress…
Everyone’s buzzing about Tom Ford’s new ads. Why? I don’t get it. Is he saying his cologne smells “just like the real thing”?
Maybe I’m just too jaded by nudity and don’t even realize that an ad like this is still considered taboo to the general public. I do appreciate the raunchiness of it. I also appreciate that this guy’s ass has that “just lubed up” shine, like when you put too much lube on a guy’s hole so you wipe a little on his cheeks. C’mon, don’t tell me you’ve never done that…
Then here’s an ad with a woman. Again, looking a little shiny and lubed up. But I don’t know anything about that.
And finally, the ever famous photo from Out Magazine. I love how this looks like an amateur photo, taken with a standard digital camera. A tell-tale sign is the shadow on the wall from the camera’s flash. Photos that are set-up with professional lighting and staged usually don’t have hard shadows like this. But I don’t think it’s a mistake, I think they wanted it to look that way. I hope my ass looks like that when I’m 45.
I came across these pics online… don’t ask how. It was late, I was bored. Introducing King Kong…
And King Kong’s #1 Fan…
Viagra’s fun. Heh.  ©2005-2008 Nathan Exposed . All Rights Reserved Meet the Cast
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By a vote of hands, how many of you have worn Edible Undies at some point in your life?
