Brandon and I mutually agreed it was not working out. We had some very special times (I was his Bread and he was my Butter), and I am so glad we could end things peacefully and without any pain or drama. I would like to share something I wrote to him, simply because I’m in the mood to share how I feel right now:

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I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything in the world. You taught me to love again, gave me faith that there could be another man to match my emotional depth, understand my need for old-fashioned romance and values, and share my appreciation for all things classic and beautiful.

The stars definitely aligned when we met, and I feel that in many ways, the short time we had together was more special and equivalent to what other people take years to build.

I am grateful to you in ways you will never even know. Once I fall in love, it is for life, so I will always love you. You will always have a place in my heart, Brandon.

Since you all have been so kind, supportive, and interested in my love life, I thought I should at least be courteous and write a follow-up.

I won’t be discussing Brandon for awhile because we’re working out some transitional stuff. It’s complicated and hard to explain in a condensed way. You’d have to know more about his own situation in order to fully understand.

But Brandon and I are working together on some things, and I guess that’s the most important part.

In the mean time, I’m going to go ahead and try to write about other things.

In the spirit of my blog’s header graphic, Brandon thought I should post some feet photos. So here goes…

These are my feet on a rock. We were frolicking in the river behind my apartment (yes, frolicking) and Brandon took a snapshot. It was a beautiful day. More people should frolic in the water. The world would be a happier place.

Next, this is our feet on the couch. Brandon thought it was cute for our feet to be wrapped up together, so he took a picture. Typical Sunday afternoon.

This is just a bonus shot because I love it. Brandon’s wearing his cute retro underwear, playing Super Mario on the Nintendo, and I love the puppy dog look on his face. He’s saying, “Why did you spit fireballs at me, Bowser? Why?”

I’m not sure how I got here. I’m not sure who I am. I’m not sure where I’m going. But I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Lately I’ve caught myself in this surrealistic state of mind. I catch myself wondering if this is really my life. It all seems to have happened so fast… and at my own hand.

As usual, I’ve done exactly what I said I would do. I’ve got exactly what I wanted. I have an uncanny ability to make anything I want happen, as if by magic.

I still remember that rainy Sunday. It was May 3rd, 2009 at 3:43PM. I was sitting in my car, looking at Brandon and contemplating all the craziness in my life. I knew I needed a change. I knew I needed to get out of that house I was living in. That sandtrap of past memories and emotions.

I looked into Brandon’s eyes and promised him that within a week, I would completely change my circumstances… and I did. I found an apartment I loved. I signed a lease. I gathered up my belongings and moved out.

By that same time a week later, May 10th, I was laying on the couch in my new home with Brandon. A lot can happen in a week, and I suppose I underestimate my own strength sometimes. I’m a rock that keeps rolling… making my own path.

And I’m so happy. I’m happy with myself, my home, my new relationship. I hope I don’t regret saying this, but I’m actually even happy with the fact that my old relationship ended. It set me free. It gave me the chance to find real happiness.

I’m still afraid that one day I’ll wake up and find out this was all a dream. But for now anyway, it’s my life, it’s real, and I’m going to keep moving forward.

If a week goes by and you haven’t heard from me… don’t worry, I’m fine.

Just leave some bottled water and food outside the door, please.

Despite all the craziness going on in my life, things with Brandon have somehow continued to grow stronger and better with each passing day. He was at the right place at the right time, and I know there’s a very special reason he’s come into my life.

Standing in the light of your halo, I’ve got my angel now


Beyonce - Halo

It’s a long and complicated story, but the short version is that I’m moving out. I don’t suppose the details really matter anymore. I’m ready for the next chapter of my life.

Tentatively speaking, I’m moving in with a friend sometime in the next week. She and I have discussed it, and we’re meeting on Saturday just to firm up details and make sure it’s the best decision for both of us.

While I’m living with her, I will be looking for an apartment of my own. I’ve already found one that I really like and the price is reasonable. But I would still like to devote some more time to the search before signing a lease. Living with my friend will give me that flexibility.

Meanwhile, Brandon has been the most wonderful and supportive manfriend I could ever ask for. He obviously took on a lot when he started dating me, so I must be something special. :)

Yesterday I received a card in the mail from Brandon with a poem written in it. What an amazing surprise. Why did this tradition ever go out of style?

I find myself smiling a lot lately. I’ve always been a smiley person, so I suppose it doesn’t seem to make much difference outwardly. But things are very different on the inside. It’s a new kind of smile.

Tonight, Brandon and I got together for cosmo’s at a bar, followed by dinner and some deep eye gazing… one of my favorite activities. A warm and beautiful weekend is around the corner, and I’m feeling good.

When you first start dating someone, there’s something I refer to as Sunday Night Sadness… When the weekend is over and you have to say your good-byes, returning back to the real world on Monday morning. Bleh.

I hate that feeling of missing someone and knowing you won’t see him until later in the week. But in a weird way, it’s kind of fun too. It’s nice to have that anticipation.

Well it’s been a wonderful weekend. Although I miss Brandon, I know I’ll see him later in the week. He likes this blog and wants to be involved in it. Maybe we can do a video post sometime.

For now… I’m left with the smell of him all over my shirt. Mmm. :)