Have you ever seen a woman break things with her gigantic boobs, and then say “Whoopsie doopsie”?
Well now you have:
Ladies and gentlemen, Busty Heart.
I’ve written a number of posts about manscaping over the years. Who could forget the time I was inspired by Jesse Metcalfe and shaved off all my chest hair? Or what about the day I put a bandage over my pubes?
While I still feel manscaping should be an essential part of every guy’s grooming routine, the gays are getting tired of it and now calling for a revolution: the anti-manscapers. You know we gay guys always like to rebel against what’s popular. We also get sick of starting trends and then having them stolen by the breeder boys. So in retaliation, the new trend is not manscaping.
When I came across this photo, I just knew this anti-manscaping madness had to stop. Surely there’s some law banning this much hair in a region other than your head. I say we should start a collection box so we can all donate and get this poor man some laser hair removal. I shudder to see his shower drain.
Anyone want to spare a dollar?
I spent most of the afternoon on the phone, and it seemed like I had to sit through some annoying country music song before I could actually talk to each person. Argh. This horrible trend must end!
A phone is not a jukebox. I hate suffering through music I don’t like just to talk to someone. It puts me in a very foul mood.
Yes, I get it. Your skin is white, your neck is red, and you’re proud to be an American. Please find a different way to express yourself. I don’t make you listen to the Village People when you call my phone.
A double slap on the hand for those who are business owners. Be a professional and answer your phone like one. You do not need Willie Nelson to provide you with an introduction.
It’s not just about country music (although that pisses me off the most). It’s about the constant crap consumers buy into from their cell phone providers. I feel the same way about text messaging. I don’t even have a text plan (gasp!). Why would I pay another $30 per month to receive messages on my phone when I am at my computer 16 hours a day? Did e-mail stop being cool?
Now at least with that, I can understand how it makes sense for some people, especially those on the go. But for me, I’m usually at the computer. So no texty for me.
As for the music… I see no point. You’re making an assumption that everyone likes the same thing you do and everyone has time to sit through it when they call you.
Bad phone etiquette x 1000.
Well summertime is unofficially here, so that means it’s time to break out my sunless tanning body. The color looks good, nothing orange, but I’m bad about not applying it evenly, which leaves streaks.
So fresh out of the shower, I came downstairs naked and asked Rodney to put the lotion on me. (Sounds like the beginning of some bad porn, by the way.)
As he was putting it on, our dog Petey caught sight of my dick, just dangling around. I guess Petey has never seen a naked human. We usually wear clothes around the house.
So as I was standing there and Rodney was applying the lotion, Petey stood up on his hind legs and sniffed my dick. I jerked away just as he was about to give it a lick.
Disgusting.
But humorous.
Rodney said it was “blog worthy”, and I agreed.
Last week, I posted a photo of an object and asked what people thought it was. Incidentally, I had a lot of fun with that. Maybe I should do that more often.
Most of you guessed a pretzel. Really? Wow.
I thought it looked like a butthole. A very dirty butthole with smegma on it. But hey, that’s just how this mind operates.
It’s actually a belly button.
This poor, poor man. Part of the photo looks normal, the other looks weird and splotchy. Is he melting? He also has a breast on the left, chest of the right.
Oh well. Even on a bad day, he still has better abs than I do.
Let’s play a game. (I love games!)
Look at this photo to the right and guess what it’s a photo of. Go ahead, and I bet it’s not what you think. Post your answer in the comments and I’ll reveal the full photo in a few days.
This photo has been making the rounds online, so I thought I’d share it and laugh at all the controversy it’s received.
I don’t know what’s a rumor and what’s truth, but apparently this concept ad was created for PlayStation 3. At first glance, it looks like a nude photo, but upon further inspection, you discover the man actually has a third thumb for playing video games.
People are all hot and bothered because it’s so “grotesque”, “obscene”, and “offensive to children”.
Come on folks… Do you honestly believe this is the new ad campaign for PlayStation 3? It’s obviously a joke and not for kids. I think it’s brilliant.
I can speak as a designer myself when I say that all designers strive to come up with something that gets your attention. You have to think of new and different concepts, and it doesn’t always have to be a literal representation of the product. In this case, there is no game system at all. You’re just seeing the memorable image of someone loving his PlayStation 3 so much that he’d use a thumb instead of a penis.
It’s a funny joke; probably wasn’t supposed to be leaked, but now it is, so there you have it.
I learn something new everyday.
I’m founding out more and more that a lot of gay guys have an armpits fetish.
There are so many things you have to keep up with to be attractive to other guys. Gay guys are a picky crowd. But now we have to impress guys with our armpits too? And women think they have it bad. Whew.
So now I have to ask… what’s the criteria? How do I know if my armpits are sexy?
Are you looking at the bushy factor? Hair or no hair? Is it about the smell? Does it matter if the arms are really muscular to enhance the overall armpitiness? Do you like them sweaty?
I think armpits are kind of funny, especially bushy ones. I like to pretend they’re furry animal characters that can talk…. like Ozzy’s on Survivor. He was a smart player and had bushy armpits, so I made up a game where his armpits were his comrades and they gave him advice to help him outsmart everyone. I imagined scenarios that took place where he sat down and had a good talk with them before making his next move.
But hey, that’s just me. Please enlighten.
Attention Target Shoppers:
Get off your damn cell phone and trim your nails, please.
A weekend trip to Target proved to be eventful. Let’s start with the Highlights Sisters— 3 girls, all dark haired with the top of their heads looking like they had been dipped in a bowl of vanilla ice cream.
I was enjoying a leisurely session of browsing the latest books when the aisle was overtaken by the Highlights Sisters, all 3 yacking and texting away on their cell phones.
This trend simply has to be end. I don’t mind people having the occasional conversation on their phone. But the people who are completely oblivious to others around them should be put on a boat and sent out to sea. I wonder how long it would take them to disconnect from their phone and realize what happened to them?
I tried moving over to the music section, then DVD’s. Everywhere I went, it was just a matter of time before these 3 stooges ran people out of the aisles. They had no carts, no items… I honestly think they just wondered into Target to have phone conversations.
I finally gave up and went to find Rodney. Once we were ready to leave, we walked down the main aisle that goes all the way through the store. One of the sisters was stopped right there in the middle, one hand on her hip and the other pressed to her phone. Customers were weaving left and right to get around her.
Cat Man
When we got to the checkout, we were greeted by an 8 foot tall man. (Okay, maybe he wasn’t really 8 feet, I was never good at math.) I have sympathy for people this tall. Everyone in the room notices you, and they’re all uncomfortable because your crotch is at eye level. Not to mention the fact that you have to crouch to enter a room and ceiling fans are your enemy.
But Rodney and I were both distracted from his height as we zeroed in on his cat nails. They were freakishly long, and had been filed down at the ends to look sharp and pointy.
Sometimes we all get a little lazy and don’t trim our nails. But this was more than just a lazy fluke. His nails were manicured and shaped to look like long girly weapons. The odd part was that he was very masculine. Not the type of guy you expect to have cat claws.
Now let me stop right there. I know you’re probably thinking how bad could they be? But really, you would have to see these to believe them. This tall glass of water was ready to scratch someone’s eyes out.
So that was our trip to Target. And people wonder why I never leave the house. 
It’s blasphemy, I tell you!
Tonight I installed Windows on my Mac. It doesn’t even look right when I type it.
Here’s how it happened…
When I quit my job last year and started my full time web design company, I knew I would need a PC to check my work on. I think it’s always wise to make sure your sites look good in all web browsers and across all computers. So before I left, I asked if I could take one of their old PC’s with me that was just sitting in the closet. They said it was fine.
I have to admit, that old PC has really helped me out this past year. True, it’s running Windows 98, it uses a floppy disk drive, it doesn’t recognize the mouse, and it smells like weed. Yes, weed. Marijuana. I’ve never smoked it, but I know what it smells like. Oh, and did I mention it wouldn’t connect to my wireless network so it doesn’t have internet access?
But hey, it was free. I would use a USB drive and port data back and forth from my Mac, checking out my work. It got the job done and I was able to make sure my work looked good before presenting it to clients. It was surprisingly zippy for only having 32MB of RAM (yes, you read that correctly). I think that 98 was the last good version of Windows. I truly do.
Anyhoo, my needs have outgrown the little weed machine. I needed a fully functional, modern copy of Windows. So I bought Windows XP off eBay (because Vista is shitacious!) and I installed it on my Mac.
The sad thing is that Windows runs better on a Mac than I’ve ever seen it run on a PC. Imagine that.
So there you have it. I’ve whored out my Mac to Microsoft. Are you happy now? 
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