Show me your fangs
    Tell me something that’ll save me
    I need a man who makes me alright
    Tell me something that’ll change me
    I’m gonna love you with my hands tied
    Show me your teeth

    — Lady Gaga, “Teeth”

It was New Year’s Day of this year when I was first bitten. I remember the surge of pain in the side of my neck, immediately followed by a pleasure that shot through my whole body. I was shocked and pulled away in disbelief.

“Did you just bite me?” I asked, a bit angrily.

“Yes, did you like it?” he responded.

I thought about it, hesitant at first, but realized I really did like it. When I leaned back in for some more, I felt the warmth of his mouth encompassing my throat, followed by the stinging of his teeth as they dug into the flesh, and then a sense of satisfaction as goosebumps covered my body.

That’s about all I can say, as I’ve agreed to not make this person a subject on my blog. But biting is my newest obsession.

It’s a feeling that’s new and different each time I experience it. Sometimes the intensity is so strong that I have to make him stop, yet I want more and more, as if I’m testing the balance of pleasure and pain that I can endure.

My neck is often covered in red marks, but thankfully they fade quickly and never draw much attention. At worst, it looks like I have dry skin and have been itching it. Nobody would ever guess my secret fetish.

Surprisingly, neck biting is fairly safe. (Yep, I’ve researched it.) The skin on your neck is too thick to actually penetrate with teeth, and even if you did bite hard enough to make it bleed, you wouldn’t be able to go deep enough to do any damage. In fact, the biggest risk is infection from the bacteria of the teeth, rather than the actual act.

I think it’s so hot, and I love biting back too. Mmmm….

Well, not really a she-man, and not really in love, but I needed a catchy title…

Anyway, a random thought popped into my head today. I was thinking about a girl I liked in 5th grade named Erin. She was Cherokee Indian and already had a mustache you could weave a winter jacket out of. We played during recess and always shared a bag of Fritos Chili Cheese chips.

In retrospect, I probably just liked Erin because her facial hair made me think of boys. But I could really go for some chips right now. Mmmm…

Okay, not all of my love stories are epic, but that’s the story of when I fell in love with a she-man.

Or man-she. Whatever…

Okay, I can take a hint…

Over the last year, a couple of people have complained that my blog had become all about men and my pursuit of love. Well, I have bad news for you… It’s going to continue.

But if possible, I will try to throw in more posts about humor. The same people who complained told me they wished I wrote more posts that made them laugh, like I used to.

So here goes… You’ll either laugh or turn away in horror.

I haven’t shaved my ass in years. I do manscape, just because I think it’s important. I keep the hair on my head groomed, so why get lazy with the rest of my body, right?

But I have a furry butt, and to be quite honest, I like my furry butt. It isn’t overly furry, but seems to be just the right amount. Apparently I also have a black man’s butt. A friend recently told me that it’s larger than you’d expect from a “skinny white boy,” but also assured me that it’s “the right kind of big butt.” Hey, I’m just going to take it as a compliment and move on. When it comes to my ass, baby got back!

I was recently having a discussion about manscaping and the topic of shaved butts came up. According to the person I was talking to, shaved butts are hot. I guess I agree with that. I certainly enjoy it if other guys shave their butt. However, for me, it’s more work than I’d want to keep up with.

Still, I was feeling a bit inspired by the conversation. So yesterday, I crouched down over a hand-held mirror to inspect the task. Wow, I hadn’t been back there in years. I wasn’t even sure where to begin.

I took my manscaping clippers and mowed down what I could. Then I took a razor and gave everything a close shave. On a sidenote, what the hell is happening to my sex drive? When I was younger, the mere prospect of manscaping got me hard. In fact, I usually had to stop shaving my balls just to jack off. But not these days. I was more concerned with getting the job done.

Anyway, the feeling of having a shaved asshole, shaved balls, and everything in between, was quite nice for the first 3 hours… Then, the itching set in. I was walking through a parking lot and all I could feel were my cheeks rubbing together.

Probably won’t be happening again, but for now anyway, my ass is nice and smooth.

Last month, I wrote the post Now Taking Applications For Mr. Right. It may have sounded like a joke, but I truly was looking.

Well, funny as it may seem, I actually have met someone through this blog. It’s a little more detailed than that, but I’m quite happy about it! In fact, I’m nothing but smiles these days.

This applicant’s a keeper! I first corresponded with him 3 years ago, and I never realized what was right there in front of me. At the time, I was in a relationship and he was too. His name is Graham, and I’ll have more to say on this topic in the future.

Sorry, boys. The position has been filled. ;)

I often think about religion, spirituality, God, and how it all relates to my life.

One of my complaints about Christianity is the fear of asking questions. I have a lot of questions and I am a very inquisitive person. Did a man really die on a cross and rise up again? Wouldn’t that make him a zombie? And why are there so many miraculous stories in the Bible, yet I never hear about people walking on water these days? Come on, this is the YouTube generation. Surely someone somewhere is performing miracles.

I dunno. I believe in God and I believe there is something larger than all of us. Don’t ask me to explain it because I can’t. I just know what I feel, and it gives me comfort. I feel good praying when I go to sleep at night.

Anyway, last month I decided to go to a church. It’s what I call a “gay church,” meaning it’s accepting of the gay community and the pastor is a lesbian. It really took a lot to get me to go. Several people have asked me to attend over the years, and I resisted quite a bit.

The pastor is a sweet woman. She talked about loving ourselves and opening up to being loved by others. Am I open to love? Am I truly willing to let someone love me back?

Hard questions nobody wants to think about. They opened up a floodgate in my soul. Before I knew it, tears were pouring out of me. I couldn’t even contain myself. I tried to pretend like I was okay, but the rain would not stop pouring.

The moral of the story was (of course) about letting God love me. Letting myself be healed and letting go of the pain. We all have pain. Maybe some of you out there are clinging to it too.

Everyone goes to church for different reasons. I’m not particularly concerned with the Bible, or anything related to religion. Instead, I look at it as an opportunity to grow emotionally. I’m not sure how it all plays out with relation to Jesus or God, but I did feel something that day. It helped.

It was the right time and the right place that day. To answer the hard questions— Am I open to love? Yes, I believe I am. I do love myself. I radiate love. I think anyone who knows me feels it.

Also, I do believe in a higher power and I believe that I can become a more enriched person through this church. I don’t agree with or believe in everything they teach, but thankfully they aren’t preachy or pushy. I appreciate that. I think it’s okay to agree with some things and disagree with others. The core message is still love and compassion. I’m all for that.

Are you open to love?

Most of these relate to sex, but I have a list of annoyances about men I’ve had over to my house… I say these all with humor and good nature, by the way.

#1 - Sit down when you take a piss.
I don’t care if you think it’s girly. I hate cleaning my toilet and I always sit down in my bathroom. I don’t like seeing your dried sprinkles on the toilet when I wake up in the morning. My toilet, my rules.

#2 - Wipe your dick.
My mouth, my rules. This refers to #1 above, and again, it’s not that complicated. I keep wet wipes prominently displayed on the toilet. Figure out why.

#3 - Shams are not for sleeping on.
Do you see my head on the pillows and not the shams? Exactly. Mimic the way I’m sleeping. Thank you.

#4 - Use a coaster on the coffee table.
Come on, you’re a gay man. There’s just no excuse for that.

#5 - I don’t care if you don’t like cats.
If I had to choose, things wouldn’t look too good for you.

#6 - Do not pinch my nipples or flick them with your tongue.
I tell every man this, yet inevitably, they do it anyway. Flat palms and flat tongues only. If you can’t do it right, leave them alone, please. They’re very sensitive.

#7 - I think it’s weird that you want me to pull out and cum on your back.
What’s with guys wanting me to pull out, rip the condom off and shoot on their back? It may look hot in porn, but it’s distracting and annoying in reality. If I like your ass enough to reach a climax that way, why would I stop to jack off at the end?

#8 - Ending on a positive note:
If you kiss my neck, I’ll fall in love. If you kiss my thighs, I’ll ask you to marry me. Do what you want with this information.

I’ve learned a lot this year.

I’ve learned that I actually am capable of having sex without love (although I prefer to have them together, because it is much more meaningful).

I’ve learned that I’m really good at flirting with men (and women, apparently–I kissed a girl and I liked it!).

But I’ve also learned that I’m not really interested in one night stands, or random hook-ups. There is too much risk involved. STDs, broken condoms, broken hearts, hurt feelings, etc. I’d say that any pleasure I get from it is so fleeting that I’ve kind of given up sex for awhile.

I’m not saying I’m celibate. I’m just saying that I tried the hook-up thing and while I did have some mind blowing sex, I don’t care to go down that path again any time soon.

So in this journey to understand myself, I’m discovering that I really enjoy the thrill of the chase. I like to meet guys at bars, clubs, social situations, flirt with them, make out with them, feel each other up, dance a little, and that’s it.

I like being confident. I like walking up to a stranger, flashing a big smile at him and saying, “Dance with me.”

Tonight was a perfect example. I started dancing with a guy and a friend of mine got behind him and we sandwiched him in. Then we started french kissing while all three of us were grinding together. After that song, I moved over to a few new friends and did the same thing, but then a fourth person joined in. It was hot and I rubbed my dick against another guy’s and leaned back at an angle that really pushed us tightly together.

All in good fun. I have no intention of sleeping with anyone. It’s just so exciting to have this sexual freedom and know my boundaries. I enjoy testing my self control and seeing how far I can go without doing much of anything.

I still want Mr. Right. I really, really want to be loved and I have so much love to give to someone. But I guess for now, I’ll just enjoy these sexual games.

Last week, I talked about a romantic first date. It was written in past tense, so a lot had developed that I wanted to write about. There was a second date, third date, etc. Very sweet stuff, actually.

But it didn’t work out, and it’s for reasons that you probably wouldn’t even guess. I plan to go through the details at some point, just not right now. It’s nothing crazy or dramatic; just disappointing.

In the mean time, the search for Mr. Right continues…

Any takers?

I need some carpet muncher friends, for reals.

Lately there has been all kinds of crazy boy drama in my life and I’ve decided I need a few good bull dykes to keep things in order.

But how do you meet lesbians? They don’t hang out at the gay club because there’s nothing on the menu they want to sample. I can’t find them in a personal ad. The majority of my friends are gay boys. What do I have to do to get a little bit of pussy in my life?

I contemplated a bear trap, but a friend quickly pointed out that I’d only catch bears that way. Bears are cool with me as long as they keep their shirts on. Sweeping up the floors is a chore otherwise. You know I’m like a non-shedding cat so my floors rarely have any hair on them.

Do I make a trail of tuna to catch a lesbian? Do I have a sell on flannel or offer up big dogs to adopt? Do I organize a car show in my neighborhood? I dunno.

Well tonight I met with a friend to get some food at Wendy’s. I told him we were going lesbian hunting at the Home Depot afterwards. I had this plan where I could lure them over and he could be hiding with a big net to capture them.

So anyway, we were there at the counter when a real life lesbian placed an order. I guess she knew we were a couple of homosexuals so she made small talk, making sure to mention her “girlfriend.”

I was so excited! I told him to get the net! He just smiled like I was joking. Mmm-hmm. I’m serious; I’ll bag a lesbian and take her home to fix my dryer.

If any lesbians out there are taking applications, I would really like to be your friend. Thank you.

Every year, I preach it. Zinc tablets and echinacea will keep you from getting a cold.

The problem is… well… you have to actually take them! I seem to have gotten too cocky about my good health and neglected to take them myself. As a result, I have a fierce cold! Oh, and nobody wants to come and take care of me. They don’t want to get sick. I swear, the nerve of people. ;)

Tonight is the end of this cold. I’ve been quarantined in my house all week. I expect a 100% recovery on Friday so that I can have a wild and wonderful weekend. That’s just all there is to it.

In other news, I’ve signed up to do the Nashville AIDS Walk on Saturday. It’s something I intend to do every year, but I always end up being lazy and not going. Lame, I know. There’s just no excuse for it.

So I’ve started a donations page, and people have already contributed money, so now I have to go! I can’t let people down after they’ve spent their cash on me, right?

If you’d like to contribute, please click here to make a secure online donation. I’ll take anything, even a dollar.

To show my gratitude, I’m offering a free handjob to anyone who donates. Yep, you read that correctly! Make a donation to the AIDS Walk for me and you’ll get a handjob.*

(*Some restrictions may apply. See in store rules for full details. Void where prohibited.)