Gay + Republicans. It’s like peanut butter and asparagus. Not an appealing combination.

I’m gay and I don’t like Republicans. (GASP!) Yeah, I know. It’s pretty shocking. Take a moment to collect yourself and pick your jaw up off the floor.

I truly am a democrat. Not because it’s the cool thing to be, but because I believe in them. I spend a great deal of time following politics, gathering the facts, and drawing my own educated conclusions. My general mindset is in alignment with what their party stands for.

But over the past month, there have been whispers… Rumors… News reports that the Republican party is about to make a dramatic shift in 2012 to support gay marriage.

Why now?

The Republican party needs fresh blood. The 2008 elections proved that Americans are tired of crusty old white men pushing the same tired politics day in and day out. There are still a lot of crazy-ass, conservative crackheads in the Republican party. But they are gravitating toward this stupid tea bagger business. I think they will eventually just cannibalize each other and die off. I actually think this insane tea party movement is a good thing. They are going to trap themselves in their own minority, which will open up opportunities for stronger, more level-headed candidates to run for office.

As older voters die, younger voters take over and start to shape the future. We’re talking about a new generation of voters. Regardless of their political affiliation, young voters simply don’t have a problem with gay people. It’s part of their culture, their music, their television. Young voters have been around openly gay people for as long as they can remember and that’s fine with them.

So how did the gay community get mixed up in this?

The underlying belief system of Republicans has been that the government should not dictate people. I’ve heard them preach and preach about this, especially when it comes to taxes. It was also a big debate when universal healthcare came up. Republicans didn’t want to insure Americans, but they did want to give them a tax break.

In a strange way, it actually makes sense for Republicans to support gay marriage. It aligns with their belief in not letting the government interfere. I’m borrowing a bit of this philosophy from other articles I’ve read, but I’m starting to see the point.

If the Republicans wanted to make a radical shift, gay marriage would be the way to go. It would appeal to younger voters and make the party look more progressive. Conservatives would throw a fit, but who cares because it would just alienate them deeper into the tea party with nut cases like Sarah Palin. So at the end of the day, you’d have forward-thinking Republicans battling the Democrats, who are not looking so hot these days.

I do love my democrats. But they have been slow. Too slow. And it’s hurting them. Change is coming, but not quickly enough. Calm and calculated is a smart tactic, and I applaud them for being wise with their decisions. But they need some sparkle for the naysayers and the swing voters. They need something, anything to win over the people who are always on the fence.

Would you support the Republicans if they pushed for gay marriage?

In 2004, we were the wedge issue that helped re-elect Bush into office. If these rumors are true and the Republican party does start to open up more to equality for gay people, we will undoubtedly be a wedge issue once again in 2012. This time around, will we be a wedge for the other team?

I’ve thought about this a lot lately. I believe in the Democrats and can’t imagine voting for a Republican. That’s how passionate I am about the party. But if the Republicans pushed this agenda and the Democrats failed to step up, it would certainly be a tough call. Would I give up everything else I believe in just for equality as a gay man? And if I did, would I undoubtedly be let down when the elected official didn’t live up to their campaign promises?

What would you do?


I was so excited to find out about this! Daniel and I were featured in an article called The 10 Most Romantic Facebook Love Stories. They found an article on my blog about how we met and decided it was sweet enough to make the cut.

A major “thank you” to the editors at The Frisky for including our story. It’s worth noting that we were the only same-sex couple profiled, so extra kudos for breaking out of the norm and not just writing about male-female relationships!


So this is how I roll…

I got an e-mail a few days ago from the Fleshjack affiliate program. I signed up for their site a few years ago with the intention of selling their products on my blog.

They gave me a $50 bonus to encourage me to sell their products. So hey, I took them up on it.

This is shameless self promotion, but I’m okay with that. Click here to buy a Fleshjack through my site and you get a 15% coupon! You get to have awesome orgasms with your new toy, and I get paid. It’s win-win for everyone.


It was clear from the start that family was very important to us.

When Daniel and I met, one of the first things we bonded about was the need to be fathers. I had a very specific goal that I’d decided on and I was committed to it. When Daniel came into the picture, it was crucial that he be on board with it.

Within the next year, I intend to get started in a foster program. I’ve researched and explored it, and personally feel it’s a good fit for me. I’m aware that there are many challenges in working with foster children, but I believe I’m built for it. Specifically, I thought I would be good with young adolescents.

Daniel supports this and knows that in order for us to have a future, it would mean he would be involved in the foster parenting too. I don’t think there has ever been any hesitation about that on his part.

A little inspiration from CNN

Last night, we watched a report from the “In America” series called “Gary and Tony Have a Baby.” It was a great program and I highly recommend catching the reruns of it this weekend if you didn’t see it! Basically it covered the journey for two gay men who wanted to have a baby.

By the end of the program, Daniel was crying. I held him in my arms and told him how much I look forward to us being fathers together. A smile came across his beautiful face. I love the way he looks at me, especially in private moments that we share like this one. It makes us both happy to know we really want the same things out of life.

The deeper discussion

I knew the show we’d watched on CNN would create a conversation later. I predicted it would happen before bed and would probably involve my plans to start with a teenager rather than raising a newborn baby, as they had in the show.

Sure enough, before bed, we did talk. Daniel questioned why I didn’t want to adopt a younger child and explained that he thought it would be better. I got mildly defensive because I felt the things I wanted were being compromised. I’d already planned it all out in my head and here someone else was coming and trying to suggest something else.

Funny how we get so protective of our own ideas, isn’t it? I finally caught myself and took a breath, then asked, “What is your ideal scenario for having children?”

This was important and here’s why… All along, I’d been talking about my plans, my wants, my needs. I’d never once stopped to ask Daniel what he wanted out of this. Further, it was important for me to let my guard down a little and consider his feelings too.

Daniel’s version of a family

Once I opened the door, Daniel began to explain why he wanted a baby. He said that if we raised a teenager together, we’d missed out on an important bonding experience for us. He felt we’d bypass all the stages of growing together as a family and working with a child to instill our own values. He also thought it was an experience that would strengthen us as a couple, and was sad at the thought of losing that opportunity.

I had never thought of it that way. I guess I had been looking at things from a technical standpoint, and he was coming from a more emotional view. But I loved it. It softened me up and I began to like the concept of growing together as a family.

I jumped from being defensive to being loving. I pulled Daniel into my arms and he put his head against my chest. I kissed him and told him that I would keep an open mind to different age ranges. At this particular moment, I felt we were even closer than we’d ever been before.

But there’s one catch…

I told Daniel that I’d still like to explore foster parenting next year, even if it were just short term. We don’t necessarily have to adopt one of the foster children and we can explore other avenues together in the long run. We can also look into adopting a newborn or infant. But with all of that said, I do still want to have the experience of foster parenting with an older kid. He agreed that my request was reasonable, and said he would be onboard with it.

Overall, I think we’re working together to plan outcomes that are satisfactory and fulfilling for both of us. I’ve found that he and I always seem to find a plan that makes us both happy.


I love this pic of us together at Pride last Saturday. Despite the 100 degree heat, we had a great day. :)


In the gay community, it seems to be the single most important detail.

I’ll never forget the night a friend introduced me to someone as “a top.” Apparently my name, interests, profession, and all other details were secondary. I was a top, and his friend was a bottom. We were a match made in Heaven, right? Fine. Where’s the nearest chapel so we can get married?

Sarcasm aside, it’s true. We define ourselves by our sexual roles and nothing divides gay men like labels. Watch two tops find out they aren’t compatible. They will turn around and rush away like the Road Runner. Beep, beep!

Versatility is the biggest mystery of all. Is he really just a bottom who hasn’t fully embraced it yet? Is he a top who sometimes get drunk and wants a hot dog in his buns? Or his he truly a free spirit who is willing to go wherever the wind takes him? I once knew a guy who was strictly a bottom with men and (obviously) a top with women. He said he didn’t like ass but he liked taking it in the ass.

Whatever the case may be, I have to believe that everyone prefers something. I once knew a guy that said he goes through cycles, like phases of the moon. He said that during some months, the only thing he wanted was to be a top, and other times, all he could think about was bottoming.

Sexuality, even within the gay community, can be so confusing and complex. It makes me really happy to know I’m in a committed relationship once again, and no longer have to be introduced as “a top” to people. :D


My high school reunion is coming up… And I’m torn…

High school sucked for me. I wish I could say something positive, but it really was a terrible experience. I was openly gay, socially awkward, and very shy. What a great way to attract the attention of bullies.

10 years have passed… a whole decade. I’ve grown up, evolved, and am much more comfortable with myself. I’ve handled so much in life. Surely I can handle a room full of people that I hate, right?

For years, I’ve said there was no way I’d attend the reunion. Somewhere along the way, I got a burst of optimism and decided it would be fun. So I was finally in.

But now that it’s just a few months away, I am once again second guessing everything. I don’t like these people. I don’t want to be around them. I’m not scared or intimidated anymore. I just don’t particularly feel like wasting my time with them.

The truth is that I live in a bubble. All of my friends are gay, I only go to gay-friendly neighborhoods, restaurants, parties, etc. It is very rare that I have to deal with homophobia, or even be reminded that it exists. Going to this social gathering would burst that bubble, and I don’t want that.

Surely there are other gay readers out there who have dealt with this. How did you feel about it? Does it bring closure to bad memories or does it just remind you that awful people are out there?



“Oh, Kathleen…”

The month of May got off to a fun start with a weekend trip to Knoxville with Daniel. I’d never been to Knoxville but it was just a 3 hour trip from Nashville and I had bought tickets to see Kathy Griffin.

We got into town in late afternoon and I drove around by the theatre she would be performing at… Located on Gay St., of all places. I could already tell we were close because it looked like a pride parade! Gay men and big ol’ burly dykes were browsing the local downtown shops and restaurants next to the theatre. I found a place to park and we walked around, enjoying the weather and looking for a place to eat.

Dinner was amazing at a place called Cafe 4 at Market Square. Everything sounded so good on the menu. We sat outside and people watched until it was time for the show. It was being filmed for Kathy’s next Bravo special, called “Kathy Griffin Does the Bible Belt.” Be sure to watch it on June 6!

Our seats were fairly decent. They were in the middle, and would have been close enough for a comedy show. But we were ambitious and wanted the front row view. So we hunted down two seats that were 6 rows from the stage, right in the center with a clear view of the microphone. Other people piled into the section, with every seat sold out. I got a little nervous, thinking at any minute, someone would show up and boot us out. But amazingly, nobody did!

Kathy was hilarious, as always. This was my third time at her show. I saw her in Nashville in 2006 and 2007. Unfortunately she skipped out 2008 and 2009, but when I found out she was going to be in Knoxville in 2010, I knew I had to go.

The cameras were very close to our seats, so maybe you’ll even see us there! I didn’t get any clear shots of Kathy because the stage lighting was so bright. But here’s one:


“With enough lube, I could take this whole thing…”