Finally, a great Fourth of July!

The last few were miserable due to various circumstances. But this year was so much fun! I spent it with Daniel and his family on their farm. A baby horse had just been born that morning (see photo above) and it was so cute. I got to see it learning how to get up and walk, trying grass and water for the first time, and bonding with its mother. The horse was very shy at first, but finally warmed up to us.

Here’s Daniel with the father:

This was also the weekend of Daniel’s 25th class reunion, so I got to meet his classmates. I even wore a tie, which I try to avoid at all costs. I hate the thought of dressing up, but when I finally do it, I actually enjoy it.

And finally, I got to meet Jason. Some of you may remember his blog from a few years ago. He eventually shut it down, but we have been internet friends for about 4 years now. It was so great to meet him in person! Really funny and nice guy.


It was clear from the start that family was very important to us.

When Daniel and I met, one of the first things we bonded about was the need to be fathers. I had a very specific goal that I’d decided on and I was committed to it. When Daniel came into the picture, it was crucial that he be on board with it.

Within the next year, I intend to get started in a foster program. I’ve researched and explored it, and personally feel it’s a good fit for me. I’m aware that there are many challenges in working with foster children, but I believe I’m built for it. Specifically, I thought I would be good with young adolescents.

Daniel supports this and knows that in order for us to have a future, it would mean he would be involved in the foster parenting too. I don’t think there has ever been any hesitation about that on his part.

A little inspiration from CNN

Last night, we watched a report from the “In America” series called “Gary and Tony Have a Baby.” It was a great program and I highly recommend catching the reruns of it this weekend if you didn’t see it! Basically it covered the journey for two gay men who wanted to have a baby.

By the end of the program, Daniel was crying. I held him in my arms and told him how much I look forward to us being fathers together. A smile came across his beautiful face. I love the way he looks at me, especially in private moments that we share like this one. It makes us both happy to know we really want the same things out of life.

The deeper discussion

I knew the show we’d watched on CNN would create a conversation later. I predicted it would happen before bed and would probably involve my plans to start with a teenager rather than raising a newborn baby, as they had in the show.

Sure enough, before bed, we did talk. Daniel questioned why I didn’t want to adopt a younger child and explained that he thought it would be better. I got mildly defensive because I felt the things I wanted were being compromised. I’d already planned it all out in my head and here someone else was coming and trying to suggest something else.

Funny how we get so protective of our own ideas, isn’t it? I finally caught myself and took a breath, then asked, “What is your ideal scenario for having children?”

This was important and here’s why… All along, I’d been talking about my plans, my wants, my needs. I’d never once stopped to ask Daniel what he wanted out of this. Further, it was important for me to let my guard down a little and consider his feelings too.

Daniel’s version of a family

Once I opened the door, Daniel began to explain why he wanted a baby. He said that if we raised a teenager together, we’d missed out on an important bonding experience for us. He felt we’d bypass all the stages of growing together as a family and working with a child to instill our own values. He also thought it was an experience that would strengthen us as a couple, and was sad at the thought of losing that opportunity.

I had never thought of it that way. I guess I had been looking at things from a technical standpoint, and he was coming from a more emotional view. But I loved it. It softened me up and I began to like the concept of growing together as a family.

I jumped from being defensive to being loving. I pulled Daniel into my arms and he put his head against my chest. I kissed him and told him that I would keep an open mind to different age ranges. At this particular moment, I felt we were even closer than we’d ever been before.

But there’s one catch…

I told Daniel that I’d still like to explore foster parenting next year, even if it were just short term. We don’t necessarily have to adopt one of the foster children and we can explore other avenues together in the long run. We can also look into adopting a newborn or infant. But with all of that said, I do still want to have the experience of foster parenting with an older kid. He agreed that my request was reasonable, and said he would be onboard with it.

Overall, I think we’re working together to plan outcomes that are satisfactory and fulfilling for both of us. I’ve found that he and I always seem to find a plan that makes us both happy.


Last month, I met Daniel’s family, and this month was his turn.

Daniel went with me to see my parents in Illinois. Everything went very well. But he gets extra bonus points for bringing my Mom flowers. Awww…

When he told me he was going to do that, I loved him in an even deeper way. I think that says a lot about him.

Wow, and I guess that’s the story. Shorter than I thought, but a very good trip. :)


I love my two cats.

They have outlasted every man and every relationship I’ve had in the last 10 years. And yes, I know they’re just animals, but they’re my little girls. I can always count on them to be there for me unconditionally.

My cats require a bit of work. They hiss at strangers, throw up hairballs on the carpet, and occasionally have “accidents.” They also get very clingy when I’m gone too much. If you don’t like clinginess, you probably wouldn’t like them.

With all that said, most of the men I’ve dated in the past haven’t been very loving towards them. This has always upset me because I naturally want someone who accepts them.

Daniel, the man I’m with now, the one I consider to be the love of my life, has a refreshingly different approach to my girls. He understands that they are shy at first and he’s been patient with them. He accepts them and believes with great optimism that someday they will warm up to him.

So yesterday, Daniel came home with two bowls and a mat with little hearts cut out of the sides. He set them out in a corner of the kitchen, looking quite proud of the mini-dining area he’d created for my girls. Then he said with a smile, “Now you have a place for the girls to eat when they come over.”

This tiny gesture means more than I can even express in words. Yeah, it’s just a bowl and a piece of fabric. I know that. But it symbolizes true acceptance. It’s his way of saying he wants to accomodate my babies if I bring them over to his house. He wants them to be part of our time together. That means so much to me.

Anyone can say they love you. That’s easy. But it’s the actions that really prove it. The small acts of kindness show the depth of it. Daniel constantly amazes me with his thoughtfulness and attention to detail. I’m so happy to have him.


My birthday is one week away.

I’ll be turning twenty… um… something.

I received a card today from my parents and it really choked me up.

Here’s what the card said inside:

    You love his smile. You know his shrug. You’d recognize his walk a block away. He makes you laugh. He makes you proud. A thought of him can really make your day. You hope for him. You dream for him. You pray that life will always treat him well. He’s all you ever wanted in a son. You love him more than words could ever tell.

Ooh, that gave me chills just typing it out.

Mom also wrote a note:

    Nathan, what a true card. You are my sunshine. Love, Mom.

Dad wrote:

    Nathan, you do have a great smile. I do know your walk. You do make me laugh. I do hope life treats you well. I am very proud of you and love you very much. Your Dad.

It’s really great to be so loved. I’m looking forward to seeing them for the holidays.



Purr Purr sleeping on my chest

I have a new routine for relaxing at the end of the day. I like to keep it really cold in my bedroom and then bury myself under big, fluffy blankets. This attracts one of my cats, Purr Purr, because everyone knows cats can’t resist big, fluffy blankets.

Purr Purr sits on my chest with her paws curled underneath her like a little duck. I call her “Ducky.”

While she takes a ducky nap, I read a book. But I must admit, it isn’t long before I drift off to a ducky nap myself. Something about a purring cat sleeping on your chest is so peaceful.

That’s the story of ducky love.


It’s time to talk about Rodney again. Many of you know him. He was a part of my life for 8 years, a part of this blog for 4 years, and when we broke up last March, his name was dragged through the mud with my anger and bitterness.

I meant what I said at the time. It was a hard time, a bad time, and a very ugly, low point. I’m not going to backtrack and try to pretend it didn’t happen.

But over time, wounds have healed and I finally forgave him in August. You may have even noticed that sometimes he comments on posts now.

Rodney has become a good friend and an active part of my life. We talk several times a week, sometimes for an hour or more. I’ve spent time with him and his new partner. The three of us went to a festival one day, and another time, we went out to dinner and a bar with some of their friends. Last Sunday, I met them at church and went to brunch afterwards. I like his new partner and I’m happy for them.

It’s amazing how life can change. I obviously never thought I’d hang out with an ex and his new man. I never thought that we’d become friends and we’d talk about boys together. He even tries to set me up with his friends! Ha ha!

Anyway, life is funny. For better or worse, this is where it’s brought me. I’m glad that Rodney has become an unexpected friend. For all the mean things I’ve said about him, I felt I should say something nice.

Thanks, Rodney.


Let me set this up for you. Petey is the miniature schnauzer that I had with my ex, Rodney. After the break-up, Rodney and I both agreed that Petey would go live with him.

Petey never hiked his leg when he went to pee. I don’t know if it’s a learned behavior or not. He was never around other dogs and we didn’t have any trees. I don’t know if that matters. Anyway, he just squatted in the yard to pee. He’s 4 years old.

But…

A few days ago, Rodney called to tell me Petey lifted his leg to pee on a tree. He walked right up to it, gave it a good squirt, and was done. He hasn’t done it again.

I would just like to know the insight into this. Did Petey plot the whole scene in his head? Did he practice the big event days in advance? I can just see him thinking about it at night. The right angle, the right presentation, it was all mapped out so he would pee like a pro.

And how did he feel after he did it? Was he proud, triumphant, embarrassed? Clearly he didn’t like it since he hasn’t done it since.

I really wish I had been there to see Petey’s first pee on a tree. He’s always been such a homo. I can just imagine him lifting one leg and saying, “Hey, Gurl! Look at my thighs, I’ve been working out.”

Holla.


Petey came by for a visit yesterday. It was the first time I’d seen him in awhile and I was very happy to spend some time with him.


I’ve had a really good couple of days.

On Sunday, I went to a family reunion on my Dad’s side, which I hadn’t done in… hmmm… 12 years. Eeek.

After a ridiculously humid week, the heat finally seemed to ease up and the temperature was perfect. I even got to have some fun in the pool. I don’t think I’ve been swimming in years.

The food was also great. I went back for seconds with the baked macaroni and cheese… yum. I had a good visit with everyone, but got a stern lecture from my uncle for not visiting more often. I know, I know… I’ll do better.

Before heading back to Tennessee, my Dad took my to Dairy Queen for some ice cream. This DQ was the real deal. Everything about it felt authentically 1950s. We sat in a corner and talked for an hour. A really nice time.

Monday evening was yet another great time. Nathan came over and we went for a very long walk by the river. We shared life stories and talked about all kinds of random stuff. We came across a path of rocks that you could step onto and go right out into a shallow area of water. The view was beautiful.

After our walk, I took him to a nearby Japanese restaurant that we’d wanted to try. The service was extremely slow, but that was fine with us because we were talking non-stop for 2 hours.

I’m really growing to appreciate the value of food and its effect on relationships. I grew up in a household where it wasn’t a big deal if we didn’t eat dinner as a family. My parents certainly made an effort, but it wasn’t a rule.

This behavior carried into my adult life, and my partners and I have often skipped meals together. Or sometimes, we’d each fix our own food and just go to opposite places in the house, completely ignoring each other.

I think that’s common in many modern relationships, but eating together has become an extremely important aspect in my relationship with Nathan. No matter how busy we are, we try to make time to get together at night and eat together. We always have really deep conversations, and share stories, share feelings… All kinds of good stuff. It is not uncommon for a meal to go cold because we’ve talked so much.

This is such a Southern post, isn’t it? Well, I do think there is some significant value to eating together. Food, family, and fun has definitely been a winning combination lately.