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That’s a hard question to ask. But even harder is anticipating the sting that might come with the answers. A wise business man once said in one of his lectures that you should ask everyone you work with, “What can I do better?”. If you want to take it a step further, you can even ask your significant other, your family, your friends. I’ve never actually done it, because I would be way too sensitive to take the heat if someone actually said something that struck a nerve with me. But today, I decided to step outside of my safe and secure box. There was a potential client that I’d been communicating with, and things were going well. It seemed promising, and I did believe he would be hiring me to design his website. I’d provided good customer service, which he acknowledged. I’d presented a strong portfolio, which he acknowledged. And the budget he’d set for this project was reasonable and workable for what he wanted to accomplish. All signs point to “yes”, don’t they? That’s what I found out they decided to hire a different designer. My first instinct was to write them a friendly e-mail, thanking them for their time and consideration and wishing them well. I try to always do that, because I want to leave people with a positive impression, even if they didn’t decide to do business with me. So I wrote them a friendly e-mail, but I added an additional paragraph that said: “I’m always open to feedback so that I may improve my business. If you don’t mind, please let me know if there is anything about my process that I could do differently or better. If there is anything specific that influenced your decision, please let me know so that I can provide better service in the future.” As soon as I sent that off, I dreaded the response. Did I really need to know these answers? Couldn’t I just leave things as they were, with a friendly goodbye and then be on my way? The response arrived, and I held my breath as I opened it. There was nothing wrong with my process, or my service. They chose to go with a designer that was an acquaintance, and they felt obligated to hire this person instead of an outside source. I felt relieved, and also proud that I’d went out on a limb to ask something I didn’t really want to know. Maybe that millionaire business guru was right… ask people “What can I do better?” I’ll try… I promise I will.
I enjoy it when I find a simple life lesson hidden in a common place, so please indulge me as I start to sound like Mike Brady from The Brady Bunch. This past weekend, one of our nephews and his girlfriend visited us to celebrate Rodney’s upcoming birthday. We had the spontaneous idea to play the card game Uno… and I love spontaneous card games, by the way. We decided to play to 500 points, so we did, and I lost each time. I’m not very good at card games, and I had a lot of questions because it had been awhile since I played this particular game. Rodney did end up in the lead. He always wins games, just so you know. He’s a good sport too. He never brags or takes it too seriously. I think it takes the fun out of things when people go overboard, so it’s nice that both Rodney and I are casual. He doesn’t get too wrapped up in winning, and I don’t get too wrapped up in losing. So yes, Rodney was ahead, followed by our nephew and his girlfriend, and then I was in last place. But as it turned out, my luck took a sudden twist, and I won 5 games simultaneously, coming in at 1st place. It’s worth noting that I never win games… in fact, I can’t remember a time in my life, even as a child, when I won a card game or even board game. So the moral of this little story was that it does not matter how far behind you feel, you can always come out ahead, even when the odds are against you. I think we just have to keep playing with the cards that we are dealt, because change might be just around the corner. This lesson extends far beyond Uno, and pours over into the game of life too.
Today, as we honor Martin Luther King Jr., keep in mind that it only takes one person to change the world. If you ever feel like you want to achieve something, but fear you don’t have enough strength to do it on your own, just remember that you do. All it takes is one voice to spread a message, and before you know it, you can have millions of voices repeating your words. Happy New Year to everyone! I hope 2008 is off to a great start for you. Historically, people always look to the new year as a way to start out fresh. We can really start over anytime we want, but using a new calendar year is the most popular choice. I think there’s a universal belief that new year’s resolutions are broken by the middle of January. Many people world wide start out with your run of the mill list: Eat better, exercise, get more sleep, spend more time with family and friends, find a better job, be happier… you know the drill. In 2007, I accomplished all of the above. So even though people think of these as nice goals to have, but unrealistic or unattainable, I’m here to tell you that they are all possible. I was cut from the same cloth as everyone else, so if I can do it, I know others can. Here’s a resolution I hope you’ll keep —- make 2008 the year of you! It’s not selfish, it’s not greedy, and let me tell you why… If you look at the list above, all of those things center around YOU. Whether it’s how you live, how you work, or how you feel. It’s human nature to want to take care of yourself, but as adults we somehow develop a complex in which we feel ashamed to put ourselves first. Don’t feel that way. You have a responsibility to love yourself first. You’re already half-way there by making those resolutions. It’s your subconscious self crying out for some care. Take the next step and make yourself fully aware of your needs and your goals. Love yourself first. That’s my resolution for all of us to work on. I see a lot of you out there not doing it right now. I hope 2008 is your best year yet!
Sometimes I do more listening than talking. When I go to a social gathering, I remain quiet and study the other people in the room. I pay attention to their mannerisms, their words, their stories. If you want to know if someone is happy, all you have to do is listen to them talk. The longer they talk, the more they confess. You could be a total stranger, and they’ll tell you all about their failing marriage, their stressful job, or the oceans of debt they’re drowning in. Right now, as we’re right in the middle of the holiday season, we get to escape to a fun filled land of love and cheer. It’s the one time of the year when everywhere we go, we are barraged with symbols of hope and peace… and happiness. If only every day could be like Christmas. But soon the New Year will be upon us. We’ll be faced with the dark uncertainty of January. I’ve always dreaded that month. It starts out with such optimism. You make your resolutions, your promises to change. Two weeks into it and you’re back to your old habits, it’s cold out, the sun goes down at about 4PM, and there is just a sense of dullness in the air. Well, at least that’s how I feel about it. The good news, however, is that 2007 has been a remarkable year for me. I’ve actually exceeded most of my resolutions that I made at the start of the year. I quit my miserable day job, I started working for myself, I strengthened my relationship with Rodney, I improved things with my family, and I’m healthier than I’ve ever been. I have to give myself a little pat on the back for a job well done. So when 2008 comes, I will embrace it with open arms. I’m actually kind of excited about the possibilities as I ponder the new resolutions I will make for the coming year. Yes, I’ve accomplished plenty. But we must always move forward with new goals. How else will we grow? And for you other bloggers out there… I’ve been observing you. I’ve been listening to your story even if I’ve remained silent. I’ve witnessed your ups and downs, your accomplishments and failures. Some of you choose to look on the bright side, and see life for all the wonderful things it offers. Other continued to wallow in self pity. You change lovers, change jobs, change locations, and you’re still just as unhappy as you were at this time last year. So I ask all of you, bloggers and readers alike… Are you where you want to be? If you aren’t, why not? Will your friends and family be subjected to another year of your pity party, or will you take the bull by the horns and choose to have a happier life? Remember that happiness is only what you perceive it to be, nothing more and nothing less. It’s a choice, a mindset, an opinion. It’s sometimes a hard pill to swallow, but only we can make ourselves happy. We can’t blame anyone or anything else. The paths we take are with our own free will. I doubt anyone held a gun to your head when you got onto that rocky road. But if you have had a gun held to your head, please accept my sincerest apologies. I hope your new year is filled with more happiness than you could ever dream of.
I wonder what it is about the human mind that always wonders over to the dark side? You can encounter 10 nice people when you start your day. Somebody says “Good morning”, another person holds the door open for you. All it takes is one rude person, and your whole day is ruined. That’s how life is. I try to believe that the world is made up of mostly good, kind people. But all it takes is one nasty person to ruin your whole outlook. When that happens, I just feel like throwing in the towel. I started working for myself in March of this year. I had the most amazingly consistent run of good clients. From March through this fall, it was one good person after the other. But lately, I’ve been on a negative streak. I don’t know what happened. It just seems like lately I encounter the angriest, cruelest people you could imagine. They have all this baggage and rage, and I guess they think a website designer can heal them? I have no idea. They love the work, but they don’t want to pay for it. They’ve had a bad experience with a designer in the past, and now I’m going to pay for all their sins, and they even want a discount because the last designer ran off with all their money. Their Father didn’t give them enough hugs when they were children, and now it’s all my fault. It’s crazy. These people should be committed to an institution. I try not to focus on the negative, but when I tell Rodney about the people I deal with, his mouth is just hanging open in shock. I am a designer, I make your website look pretty. I cannot take away all the pain in the world, and I do not want to hear about your messy personal problems. It only makes my job harder. But that’s my challenge. We are faced with challenges every day. We have to try and find the good in every situation. We have to forgive and accept that people don’t really mean the things they say and do to us. Even more difficult, we have to maintain the courage to treat every person with a clean slate. When I’ve just finished dealing with one nut job on the phone, I still have to turn around and be nice to the next person I talk to, because they don’t know what just happened and they deserve to see the best of me. The best of me. That’s what I have to be. Every day.
Get your boots out, this shit is gonna get deep. A friend of mine was recently telling me about a book called The Four Agreements, and explaining the complex nature of the human mind. According to this way of thinking, our life is one continuous story. We are the narrator. Everyone else around us is a character in the sub-plot. Everything that we learn is something that is absorbed. Right and wrong, good and bad. We all start out with a clean slate, and then the influences around us shape our way of thinking. They teach us to judge everything by their standards, and then we become clones of them, generation after generation. Nothing is literal. My perception of reality is different than yours, and so we’re all floating in our own dream-like existence. If we’re fortunate, our stories will cross paths and you will become a sub-plot of my world, and I will become a part of yours. The Four Agreements are a basic set of rules to achieving inner peace with the world around us. They mostly deal with the negative things, which bring us down in life. The agreements are as follows: 1. Be Impeccable With Your Word 2. Don’t Take Anything Personally 3. Don’t Make Assumptions 4. Always Do Your Best These are all good points, but #2 and 3 are the ones that hit home with me. I take a lot of things personally. I’m a very sensitive person, and over time, I’ve learned to embrace my sensitivity rather than trying to deny it. The world needs more sensitive people in it, not less. Emotion is a natural thing. Only a robot wouldn’t take things personally. But still, I do see the wisdom in trying to drown out other people’s actions and only focusing on my own. I will never be responsible for what other people say or do, but I am responsible for how I respond to it. The point about assumptions is also valid. So many silly wars have started, all because of mis-communication. Sometimes it’s really hard to ask questions and talk about things. But I do think that conversation is the path to peace. As long as we can talk, we can find common ground. It’s when we stop talking that we lose our power. I logged onto eBay last night and picked up a copy of this book. The overview of it alone is inspiring to me, I can’t wait to read the full book. Apparently it’s been a bestseller for years. I don’t read many books, so that would explain why I didn’t know about it. I’ll let you know how it goes.
On July 25, a woman posted a message to Craigslist Nashville with the title “Please help, I’m desperate!!!”. Curiously, I read through the post, as she literally begged for a job. She had been out of work, her unemployment was running out, and she still had not found a new job. She had 3 kids and was a single Mom. Unfortunately, this scenario is all too common. Single Mom’s often need very specific work hours because they have to get their kids to school in the morning, then pick them up in the afternoon. Employers see this as a sign of instability and unreliability. But I have a great respect for single parents, because they have one of the hardest jobs in the world already. Anyway, I felt compelled to write this woman, even though I didn’t have a job to offer her. It was so brave of her to put herself out there, begging for work. A lot of people would have too much pride to say “Hey, I’m struggling and I need help.” But she was putting her pride aside because she knew she had her kids to think of, and she really needed some work. Exactly one week later, I got an e-mail from her, thanking everyone who had offered their support and prayers. In that short amount of time, she had scheduled 13 job interviews and received 4 job offers! WOW! She started her new job 5 days later. It is amazing to see how the kindness of strangers and all the positive energy connected can impact one person’s life. I am so happy for this woman, and I know that she and her 3 kids are resting easier tonight.
Feng Shui is the study and belief that the elements (earth, air, fire, water) and directions (N, S, W, E) dictate the successes and failures in our lives. I’m paraphrasing, of course. It’s actually much more complex. Feng Shui is a extremely popular and common in Chinese culture, and I first learned about it in 1999 when I met my ex, who was born and raised in China. He swore by it, and I have to admit, it really did seem to be effective in his life. He used it for his health, career, relationships, finances - pretty much every aspect of his life. I got into it also, and started studying books, learning about it. The key is to take your home and divide it into sections, using a compass. You then fill those sections with certain elements (such as wood or metal) and that helps increase the positive aspects of your life in that area. The problem is… well… it never worked for me. I am extremely open minded to new concepts, so I know I wasn’t being skeptical. I fully understood and was educated in Feng Shui. Fast forward to 2007. I found some of my old Feng Shui tools and books, and decided to give our home a small Feng Shui make-over since I was going to be running a home business. If a few gold Buddha’s will make my business more successful, I’m all about it. While my business is in its baby mode (only 4 months old if you want to get technical), I can’t say that I saw any significant boost when I activated my career and wealth corners. I have had some really good clients and really good projects. But I can’t really say any of them were due to the Feng Shui, because most of them happened before the fact. Anyway, here’s the odd part… one day, I decided to take a break from my home office upstairs and work in the living room, which is on the opposite side of the house. My business boomed that day. I was getting new leads, e-mails, phone calls. Fast forward a few months, and I once again brought my laptop downstairs and started working. Again, a massive boom of success ensued. My phone was ringing all day. How in the heck was the part of the house I worked in affecting my business? Had I been doing it wrong all these years? Was one side of the house actually more lucrative than the other? It’s enough to make a person wonder. Afterall, the Chinese culture has been using it for centuries. We’ll see what develops. In the mean time, I’m keeping this computer downstairs. You can bet on it.
In “The Secret“, there is a segment about gratitude rocks. A gratitude rock can really be any rock you choose. The only thing that matters is the emotional connection you have when you hold the rock in your hand. I understood the concept on a surface level, but never really got into it. Okay, it’s a rock. Big deal. I just didn’t grasp the symbolism… until now. This past weekend, Rodney and I went to the zoo with our niece and nephew and their parents. These are family members who live further up in IL. I don’t think I’ve ever mentioned them because we rarely get to see them. Anyway, the niece is 4 & 1/2 and the nephew is 7 months old. I formed a new bond with my niece that I’d never had. As soon as she saw me this weekend, she latched onto me like a magnet. I seem to have that effect on kids, but my niece was particularly attached to me this time. When we were at the zoo, we went into the gift shop and they had one of those displays that are filled with brightly colored rocks. You get to fill a pouch with as many rocks as will fit for $3 (sidenote: I wish groceries were sold like that!). At that exact moment, I understood the gratitude rock. I had my niece pick out all the rocks so that each one would be special to me. I then gave her some and kept some for myself. After we had all our rocks, I told her to pick out one specific rock to be my very special one. She chose it and now it’s my gratitude rock. Every time I look at it or hold it in my hand, I am reminded of how much I am loved by those around me… particularly by this little girl. She told me she’d look at the rocks first thing every morning and think of me. For these things, I am truly grateful.
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