The text message caught me by surprise. I pulled out my phone to read:

    I just want you to know that you are an amazing man, and I deeply value you and your friendship. Thank you for all that you have done for me.

When I saw his words, I was overcome with emotion as I felt the tears rise to the surface. I tried to hold back and keep myself together as I sat in the restaurant.

My friend has been battling cancer for the second time in his life. I remember the phone call, just a little over 3 months ago, when he was feeling hopeless, faithless, and had decided he was going to die. He’d picked out a casket, made funeral arrangements, and admitted defeat.

But despite the understandable doom and gloom he was going through, he’s surviving. He isn’t dead. So what a shock it was to see him tell ME that I’m an amazing man, when I think he’s the amazing one. I can’t begin to imagine what he’s been through. All I’ve done is listen to him when he needed to talk. That’s not so incredible.

A lot of people in the world are dealing with their own personal hells. I have friends who are heartbroken, friends who are sick, friends who are unemployed, friends who are lonely… We survive because we have to, need to, or just reach a point where we don’t want to suffer anymore.

That’s the incredible thing about the human spirit. We can be reborn, renewed, relieved. We can start a new chapter. I’ve done it plenty of times myself.

I know someone, somewhere out there needs to hear this today. Find your warrior within and keep fighting.


Pardon me for a moment while I explore the intricacies of my own astrological sign, Scorpio.

Books always say that I’m a sign of transformation. It’s true that during many points in my life, I’ve abruptly and without warning changed my entire lifestyle. Many people find that to be a hard pill to swallow, as change usually requires gradual transition. But for me, I’ve found myself capable of completely jumping into a new routine, as if a switch were turned on.

When the new year began, I changed. It was completely intentional. All of the things that caused me trouble in my life were gone in an instant.

I spent Dec. 31 volunteering at church to feed the homeless. Every Thursday night, a group comes in for a hot meal and a place to sleep. It was humbling to witness what life is like for them. Sure, it makes us all feel better to do these kind deeds, but this isn’t about earning a pat on the back. This is real life. This is the world we live in. It can be scary and cold, and isolating.

Often times, I feel isolated myself. Trapped in the pain and suffering of my head. I have felt so lonely at times. I have felt empty and useless, as if nothing mattered.

But it does matter. It all matters. It all counts for something, and I’ve had to step outside of myself, my own selfishness, and understand that there are bigger things in this world.

I still lack direction. I still don’t know exactly where I’m going, but I felt the healthiest thing to do was immerse myself in helping others first. This is how I’ve transformed myself, starting with baby steps.

Another effort I’ve taken on is teaching a Sunday school class for children at this same church, which is a gay-friendly church. (The pastor is a lesbian.) Religion is a deeply complex issue that I am still working out. I don’t suppose we ever truly have it figured out. But nonetheless, I enjoy spending time with the children. They are little rays of sunshine with bright eyes and big dreams about the world. Thankfully, this type of religion focuses on embracing our diversity, not spreading hate and judgment, as so many do.

This is my transformation so far. I’ve had to completely break myself down and throw away all the pieces to build a new me. The old me just wasn’t working out.


Life doesn’t always go as planned. When I started this year, I was wrapped up in a comfy cocoon with my partner of 8 years. We didn’t go out much, we didn’t do much, and I really didn’t know that many people.

A lot of changes and surprises have taken place this year. Some good, some bad, but I keep getting up and moving forward.

The best thing I’ve done for myself has been getting out there and meeting new people. It was hard at first. I’m an introvert and I believe that’s an embedded trait. But I am friendly to people, I smile and I take a genuine interest in them. That gets me really far and people perceive me as a warm and thoughtful person. I enjoy it.

This is a photo that was taken last night at a bar. I was laughing and it’s authentic joy on my face. I thought it was worth sharing.

(If you look closely, there’s even some nipple pornage.)

Here’s to living!


I am constantly moved, challenged, and inspired by the posts of Davey Wavey. One of the things he talks a lot about is what the Universe is sending him.

I used to think about the Universe a lot, and must admit that the more in alignment I became with my positive thinking, the more good things came to me. Lately, especially this past week, I’ve been very negative. No surprisingly, bad news has continued to come.

I am accepting love and comfort today from the Universe. I am making a conscious effort to try and start each day with gratitude and re-assessing my life to keep myself on a path to happiness.

I encourage you to do the same. What is the Universe sending you today? Leave a comment and let me know!


It’s hard to believe that it was just last March when I found out my partner of 8 years (Rodney) was cheating on me. From there, all the walls fell down and my life went through some intense transformations.

One friend describes me as a rollercoaster. I’ll admit, I’ve done some pretty extreme things in the past 3 months. Those with a faint heart need not apply. But as crazy as I may seem at times, I always have the intention of moving forward. Despite all obstacles that may slow me down, I dust myself off and keep going.

The latest stop on this rollercoaster is the house Rodney and I owned. There have been many events leading up to this, but I’m happy to say that I’m now the proud owner of it. Rodney signed over full rights to me on the deed, so it is no longer our house… just mine.

We had originally moved out into our own rentals, and neither of us wanted anything to do with the house. But many things have unfolded since then, and everything aligned in my favor.

I’ve had very mixed emotions about taking on a house by myself. Not only is it a huge commitment, but it also overwhelms me with memories of the past. But when I weigh the pros and cons, I think it is a wise investment, and I’m going to do my best to make it work.

So I have devoted this weekend to moving back into the house, and I’ve ambitiously taken on the task of doing it all myself. I don’t want help from anyone, and that’s just the way it has to be.

On Monday, some professional movers will be stopping by to get the couch, washer and dryer, and bed. Other than that, it’s all me.

I’m so happy! I never thought that I’d be moving back into that house, but I’m glad I am.


Last night, I was talking to my Mother, and feeling a bit weak. It was just a momentary weakness. I actually had a really good Saturday. But nonetheless, she did catch me in a very brief moment of self doubt.

That’s when Mom gave me a pep talk. First of all, let me say that my Mother is my heroine. She’s strong, ambitious, and she’s been self employed for 35 years. She is a woman who gets what she wants, and I love her for it.

Like any Mother should do, she stepped in and told me what’s what…

“Nathan, you’re the strongest person I know. You’ve accomplished things in your life that I could never do. You moved out on your own the day after you graduated high school. You found a job, paid for an apartment, and held it all together when you were just 18. You always do what you say you’re going to do. You’ve inspired me. Don’t ever doubt the great things you’re capable of.”

Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? That’s what my Mother thinks of me.

And she’s right. I can do anything I want. I’m 27 and I’ve already done a lot. I’m getting back on my feet and life is looking good for me. I’m going to be happier and better off than I’ve ever been before.

I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such positive and loving people in my life. I guess you get back what you give.


Friends keep asking me why I seem so cheerful. Well, to start with, I am insanely resilient. I’m not really sure how I developed this quality, but it’s just how I’ve always been. I do have my dark moments, my sad moments, but I bounce back from everything pretty quickly. So all things considered, I’m pretty happy and I’m adapting.

But…

There is something else…

Exactly 2 weeks ago, I sat in bed, closed my eyes, and planned out “the perfect man” for me. I mapped him all out with vivid detail. Once I had created this with absolute certainty, I put that energy out into the world and asked for him to be brought to me.

48 hours later, I had a chance encounter with someone… he matched every single trait that I had requested right down to the last detail. He truly was what you might call a dream come true.

This is all still very new and exciting, so I’m not quite ready to go into detail yet. Plus, it’s in the very early stages. But let’s just say that things are shaping up nicely for me.

I received exactly what I asked for. :)


Thanks for the continued support. I’ve received comments, e-mails, and phone calls checking up on me, and I really appreciate all the care and concern.

Well, I guess I have my own bachelor pad now. I’ve moved a bed into the home office, and it’s kind of nice actually. Kind of reminds me of a college dorm, but I do love the easy access to everything in the room.

Rodney is sleeping in another room and we are getting along better. Earlier in the week, we were at each other’s throats.

I don’t know how long this will work out, but it works for now. We can be house mates until we are ready to deal with the house. As long as the bills are paid and we get along, I’m fine.

So don’t you worry about me. I’m just a big bundle of sunshine. No matter how hard the clouds and rain try to block it, the sun always shines through eventually.

I will love and be loved, and I will not give up on happily ever after.

“You are never given a wish without also being given the power to make it come true.”
— Richard Bach


The more I ponder this, the deeper it gets.

    “Every decision you make - every decision - is not a decision about what to do. It’s a decision about Who You Are. When you see this, when you understand it, everything changes. You begin to see life in a new way. All events, occurrences, and situations turn into opportunities to do what you came here to do.”
    —Neale Donald Walsch

You really can change yourself if you want to.

The year was 2003. We were living in Raleigh and I was working for a high stress design firm that specialized in marketing for real estate. The world of selling homes is a world that never sleeps. That translates to unrealistic deadlines, aggressive clients, picky perfectionists. It was both rewarding and exhausting.

But it brought out the worrier in me and it amplified things. I had always been a worrier. My Mother was and still is a hardcore worrier. I don’t want to say anything negative about my Mom. So I’ll just say she is talented at this particular trait and leave it at that. But her tendencies definitely rubbed off on me and shaped me as an adult.

One day I heard a song on the radio called “The Remedy (I Won’t Worry)” by Jason Mraz. You’ve probably heard it, the song was very successful. It had a carefree message which helped me see I just can’t worry my life away. Nothing ever comes from worrying and most of the time, things are not nearly as bad as you think. You always have to ask yourself this:

“1 year from now, will this even matter?”

The power of one song set into motion a change in my behavior. I started worrying less and being more relaxed with life. It wasn’t overnight. I still worried and allowed things to get me worked up. But over time, I have become more relaxed. It’s all about baby steps, you know. You have to undo years of damage that you’ve inflicted on yourself by worrying.

6 years later, I really see a change in myself. Most people get set in their ways as they get older and it only gets worse. I seem to be going in reverse and becoming more flexible as I age. I’m happy about that.

Jason Mraz has once again captured my attention with his latest album, We Sing. We Dance. We Steal Things. It’s an uplifting experience to listen to… something fresh and original, thought provoking too.

Here’s another song by Jason that really inspires me. It’s called “Make It Mine”:


Jason Mraz - “Make It Mine”