Most of these relate to sex, but I have a list of annoyances about men I’ve had over to my house… I say these all with humor and good nature, by the way.

#1 - Sit down when you take a piss.
I don’t care if you think it’s girly. I hate cleaning my toilet and I always sit down in my bathroom. I don’t like seeing your dried sprinkles on the toilet when I wake up in the morning. My toilet, my rules.

#2 - Wipe your dick.
My mouth, my rules. This refers to #1 above, and again, it’s not that complicated. I keep wet wipes prominently displayed on the toilet. Figure out why.

#3 - Shams are not for sleeping on.
Do you see my head on the pillows and not the shams? Exactly. Mimic the way I’m sleeping. Thank you.

#4 - Use a coaster on the coffee table.
Come on, you’re a gay man. There’s just no excuse for that.

#5 - I don’t care if you don’t like cats.
If I had to choose, things wouldn’t look too good for you.

#6 - Do not pinch my nipples or flick them with your tongue.
I tell every man this, yet inevitably, they do it anyway. Flat palms and flat tongues only. If you can’t do it right, leave them alone, please. They’re very sensitive.

#7 - I think it’s weird that you want me to pull out and cum on your back.
What’s with guys wanting me to pull out, rip the condom off and shoot on their back? It may look hot in porn, but it’s distracting and annoying in reality. If I like your ass enough to reach a climax that way, why would I stop to jack off at the end?

#8 - Ending on a positive note:
If you kiss my neck, I’ll fall in love. If you kiss my thighs, I’ll ask you to marry me. Do what you want with this information.

lol….lawd, somebody is high maintenance

What if I kiss other body parts? But the cat thing. I guess we’ll never be able to hook up. I’m severely allergic. Maybe we can meet at a video store. And two more to add to the list:
1. Don’t swat at my ass like I’m going to like it. I don’t.
2. Don’t jam your cock in my face and mouth like I’m going to like it. I don’t.

oh, gurrrrl……did you really write this list for me? Definitely #1, 2, 3, 4, 8 and part of 6, and #5, if I ever get a cat.

Gotta be careful, though, cuz in the heat of passion some lughead straight guys are liable to piss on my pillow shams and wipe their dicks on my coffee table.

Oh baby you are a high maintenance one aren’t you? The only thing I can even relate to in this list is the neck thing… a very talented man can make me orgasm (w/out ejaculation) just by working my neck the right way. Use that info as you wish. Oh and I’m gonna keep my cat and dump your ass on the curb so I agree there too. The rest… separate places lovey!

Nathan…..it would be a “hoot” for you to have this printed out as hand-outs for when you go out “clubbing”…..I’m joking, of course. Good for you….set the ground rules early….Joe

Mmm I love kissing all over the body. dont tease me now!