I’ve learned a lot this year.

I’ve learned that I actually am capable of having sex without love (although I prefer to have them together, because it is much more meaningful).

I’ve learned that I’m really good at flirting with men (and women, apparently–I kissed a girl and I liked it!).

But I’ve also learned that I’m not really interested in one night stands, or random hook-ups. There is too much risk involved. STDs, broken condoms, broken hearts, hurt feelings, etc. I’d say that any pleasure I get from it is so fleeting that I’ve kind of given up sex for awhile.

I’m not saying I’m celibate. I’m just saying that I tried the hook-up thing and while I did have some mind blowing sex, I don’t care to go down that path again any time soon.

So in this journey to understand myself, I’m discovering that I really enjoy the thrill of the chase. I like to meet guys at bars, clubs, social situations, flirt with them, make out with them, feel each other up, dance a little, and that’s it.

I like being confident. I like walking up to a stranger, flashing a big smile at him and saying, “Dance with me.”

Tonight was a perfect example. I started dancing with a guy and a friend of mine got behind him and we sandwiched him in. Then we started french kissing while all three of us were grinding together. After that song, I moved over to a few new friends and did the same thing, but then a fourth person joined in. It was hot and I rubbed my dick against another guy’s and leaned back at an angle that really pushed us tightly together.

All in good fun. I have no intention of sleeping with anyone. It’s just so exciting to have this sexual freedom and know my boundaries. I enjoy testing my self control and seeing how far I can go without doing much of anything.

I still want Mr. Right. I really, really want to be loved and I have so much love to give to someone. But I guess for now, I’ll just enjoy these sexual games.

Enjoy those moments, Nathan. I certainly did. Not that I miss them but it’s good to know that you have “been there, done that” when you look back, rather than having to wonder what it would have been like.

Stud.

That’s all I have to say.

Nice story but do you really think it’s fair to the other guys that may have thought you wanted to hook up by the way you were acting with them? Seems like you wasted their time on one or two dances.
Just my thought.

Hahah you little minx! It sounds like an amazing time. I havnt gone dancing in forever *not saying i know how to dance* but I ust wiggle my toosh a bit. haha!

Glad youre exploring life. I broke my compass a while back so i need a new one.

You have definitely learned a lot about yourself this year, Nathan, and tested a lot of new waters (and men!)
I really admire how you have embraced changes that are moving you out of your usual comfort zone (s). I know it hasn’t been easy.

I also know, in my heart, that somewhere out there is a special man who deserves your love, and will cherish you. There are many flavors of chapstick you haven’t yet sampled, and they’re just waiting for a chance to get at your yummy lips!!

Eddy - Thanks, I’m glad I get to experience it.

‘Mo - You make me blush

Tim - Guys go to clubs to dance and flirt. It’s understood that you’re not going to sleep with every man you flirt with.

DJ - I’d dance with you cutie!

Irisgirl - Awww, shux. Thank you. Yeah, he must be out there somewhere. In the mean time, I’m learning and trying a lot!

by all means lets dance! ill let you lead.

^ Just the way I like it!

Nathan….I think your decision to enjoy “these sexual games” is a wonderful idea. Although however fulfilling, your involvement in a committed relationship deprived you from enjoying some serious fun during your twenties. I have been where you are now and I’m certain many of your readers will concur……just sit back and enjoy all that life has to offer during these exciting, young years…..there’s plenty of time for another relationship….Regards…Joe

Hum…..I’m not sure about these flirting without intention games..I mean, yes, it’s clear that not every single solitary person you ever flirt with will be in your bed that night….but, still, I’d had to think that I led someone on….especially if I did it intentionally.

As for not enjoying one-night-stands…….I think you’re nuts. In a good sort of way. I think. Maybe. Possibly.

Sigh. I bet I get torn to shreds for this. But here goes…

I have no doubt you have a charming smile and an attractive personality. But I invite your to look at your behavior with a critical eye and ask what its ramifications are. Have you ever wondered what the consequences of your actions are and thought through them to the bitter end? I would say that there is more to your adventures than simply pointing at people and saying, “Dance with me.” I see the potential for something far more sinister.

Think about this: Of all the people you flirted with in the last two weeks, how many of them really understood your intentions? How many of them thought you actually liked them? How many got your number and called you only to never get a returned call? How many of them left the bar that night thinking they had met someone special and will soon realize that you don’t really like them? How many people are going to be in pain tonight because you kissed them and they kissed you back and thought you were the one?

How many of them did you flirt with that rarely receive such attention and got their hopes up that someone really wanted to talk to them only to find out it was a cruel game? How many of them thought about you all night? How many of them told their friends and family about you with a great big smile on their faces? How many were excited to spend more time with you? I wonder if any of them have cried when they found out that it was all a great big game? How many do you think are angry now that they know you didn’t care about their feelings? How many have given up on dating and relationships altogether because they don’t want to be hurt or humiliated again? How many people have at least temporarily lost faith in humanity because of you?

And for that matter, roughly how many men are we talking about here? And how long have you been deceiving these people?

I’d say there are some things that you left out of this post. I bet not all of these men really understood what you were up to. I bet in addition to crazy dancing, there were conversations, exchanged telephone numbers, and misunderstandings on the part of your conquests.

I’m actually glad you and I are not friends. I’m sorry, but it’s true.

Andy,

I’m happy to answer your questions.

How many men never received a returned call?
Zero. I keep in touch with every new friend I’ve made. We’re both clear on the intentions and nature of our interaction, and there have never been any problems.

How many men were heartbroken?
One, and you know who he is. We had a one night stand, he developed feelings for me and wanted it to be more. I didn’t feel the same about him. You can’t have a relationship if both partners aren’t invested.

How many men have I deceived?
This is so over the top with drama and cattiness, I don’t even care to address it. But the answer is zero.

How many men have lost their faith in humanity?
God, you can’t be serious.

Now I have some questions for you…

You told me that your roommate is in a very vulnerable spot. He’s a recovering alcoholic trying to get back into the work force. He likes you and wants to have a relationship with you. You sleep together in the same bed and you choose to sleep naked.

He’s told you that he thinks you’re teasing him, yet you continue to do it. We’re not talking about some random guy that you’re flirting with in a club. We’re talking about someone you live with under the same roof, who has openly expressed his feelings for you, and this is how you’re treating him. It’s cruel and completely intentional on your part.

Also, what kind of friend are you, to claim that I can talk to you about my problems, only to throw them back in my face? You’ve called me every name under the sun, and even openly admitted that you’re jealous and bitter about my life vs. yours.

I think that your anger comes from within and now you’re directing it at other people. It’s easier to blame someone else instead of taking a look in the mirror.

I’ve done nothing to be ashamed of, and I have no regrets or apologies. I flirt with willing guys on the dance floor. We kiss, we rub up against each other. That’s about it. Sometimes we keep in touch, sometimes we see each other the next week and say hello. I know you’d rather believe it’s this big, dramatic, sinister plot. But really, it’s just not that complicated.

Maybe you should deal with your own problems, pook-a-dook. You can start by holding down a job and not quitting every time a manager says something you don’t like. You can start by wearing some clothes to bed and he needs to sleep on the couch, especially since he isn’t paying rent. Or you can just start by not being such a dramatic bitch about everything.

Good luck.

Nathan….go get ‘em killer!….Joe

Tee hee, thanks Joe

Enjoy youself, there is nothing wrong with having some fun. ONe of these days I’ll learn how to have some fun myself.

I have to comment again, after reading Andy’s spew. Andy: You obviously met Nathan, and spent enough time with him to form this bitter opinion. Did he reject your advances? Or did he tell you things you didn’t want to hear, or admit?

Something clearly soured you to the point of anger and/or hurt, because your remarks are so off-base, and downright nasty.

If you are willing to be honest, you know darn well that what Nathan is enjoying at the dance club is exactly what most of the other guys there are doing. C’mon—guys are hitting that dance floor because they want to participate in those flirty rituals!

You are accusing Nathan of something sinister, or at least inappropriate, and that’s just a lot of bull.
Nathan is one of the most honest and upfront guys I have ever met, and anyone who knows him would agree. If he/she is honest. Which you are not.

Scott - You know you can always come here for a night on the town

Irisgirl - You’re the best pretend wife in the world! Love you!