Brandon and I mutually agreed it was not working out. We had some very special times (I was his Bread and he was my Butter), and I am so glad we could end things peacefully and without any pain or drama. I would like to share something I wrote to him, simply because I’m in the mood to share how I feel right now:

—

I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything in the world. You taught me to love again, gave me faith that there could be another man to match my emotional depth, understand my need for old-fashioned romance and values, and share my appreciation for all things classic and beautiful.

The stars definitely aligned when we met, and I feel that in many ways, the short time we had together was more special and equivalent to what other people take years to build.

I am grateful to you in ways you will never even know. Once I fall in love, it is for life, so I will always love you. You will always have a place in my heart, Brandon.


Since you all have been so kind, supportive, and interested in my love life, I thought I should at least be courteous and write a follow-up.

I won’t be discussing Brandon for awhile because we’re working out some transitional stuff. It’s complicated and hard to explain in a condensed way. You’d have to know more about his own situation in order to fully understand.

But Brandon and I are working together on some things, and I guess that’s the most important part.

In the mean time, I’m going to go ahead and try to write about other things.


In the spirit of my blog’s header graphic, Brandon thought I should post some feet photos. So here goes…

These are my feet on a rock. We were frolicking in the river behind my apartment (yes, frolicking) and Brandon took a snapshot. It was a beautiful day. More people should frolic in the water. The world would be a happier place.

Next, this is our feet on the couch. Brandon thought it was cute for our feet to be wrapped up together, so he took a picture. Typical Sunday afternoon.

This is just a bonus shot because I love it. Brandon’s wearing his cute retro underwear, playing Super Mario on the Nintendo, and I love the puppy dog look on his face. He’s saying, “Why did you spit fireballs at me, Bowser? Why?”


I’m not sure how I got here. I’m not sure who I am. I’m not sure where I’m going. But I wouldn’t want it any other way.

Lately I’ve caught myself in this surrealistic state of mind. I catch myself wondering if this is really my life. It all seems to have happened so fast… and at my own hand.

As usual, I’ve done exactly what I said I would do. I’ve got exactly what I wanted. I have an uncanny ability to make anything I want happen, as if by magic.

I still remember that rainy Sunday. It was May 3rd, 2009 at 3:43PM. I was sitting in my car, looking at Brandon and contemplating all the craziness in my life. I knew I needed a change. I knew I needed to get out of that house I was living in. That sandtrap of past memories and emotions.

I looked into Brandon’s eyes and promised him that within a week, I would completely change my circumstances… and I did. I found an apartment I loved. I signed a lease. I gathered up my belongings and moved out.

By that same time a week later, May 10th, I was laying on the couch in my new home with Brandon. A lot can happen in a week, and I suppose I underestimate my own strength sometimes. I’m a rock that keeps rolling… making my own path.

And I’m so happy. I’m happy with myself, my home, my new relationship. I hope I don’t regret saying this, but I’m actually even happy with the fact that my old relationship ended. It set me free. It gave me the chance to find real happiness.

I’m still afraid that one day I’ll wake up and find out this was all a dream. But for now anyway, it’s my life, it’s real, and I’m going to keep moving forward.


Right round, like a record, baby…


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16vpjYjzG0g


If a week goes by and you haven’t heard from me… don’t worry, I’m fine.

Just leave some bottled water and food outside the door, please.


I sure know how to leave you hanging, don’t I?

After the very emotional post about my last night at the house, I’m happy to report that I’m doing just fine in my new home.

I moved on Friday and thankfully the rain spared me that day. Then last night, Brandon came over. He worked his magic on the living room. I was busy putting stuff away in the kitchen for 30 minutes and he had the whole living room unpacked, photos on the mantle, shelves, and tables. Wow. I’m not a very good gay when it comes to things like that. Thankfully he is.

I’m tired and I know I should rest, but I hardly slept at all last night. I finally just gave up and came back downstairs to do more stuff. I suppose it will catch up to me eventually.

Thanks to everyone for your continued support and heartfelt concern. I should have made this move a month ago. It would have saved a lot of turmoil. But oh well. I’m here now and life is great.


My favorite vampire, Robert Pattinson of Twilight is now starring in Little Ashes, a movie in which he plays one of my favorite surrealist artists, Salvador Dali. What a combination of favorites.

I’ve heard a lot about his nervousness with the gay sex scenes. I guess even in 2009, it’s considered a risk for a straight actor to “go gay” for a movie, especially at the height of his fame. It either goes really well and you get an award for it, or it totally bombs and nobody speaks of it. We’ll see. I really don’t know what the big deal is, but perhaps the sex scenes are more graphic.

All I’ve seen is this kiss in the water:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSrsrSlar-s

Here’s a new one of a sex scene, thanks to Irisgirl:


This is the last night in my house. Emotions ran high today. Rodney has been crying non-stop as we took everything off the walls, divided our belongings, put them into boxes. The holes left from the nails reminded me of the hole in my heart. (I know, I know, so dramatic. It’s how I felt though.)

It’s been a long time coming and now it’s finally here. It’s really over, and the reality is overwhelming when I see the empty shell of this house that was once a home.

Tonight I crept into the bedroom where he was sleeping. It used to be ours. He was there with our dog Petey. I sat down and started crying. Rodney woke up and we started talking.

I explained some things to him. I explained why I couldn’t forgive him. I explained why I could never trust him again. We had a lot of major differences throughout our relationship, and we both agreed that we were mismatched from the start. But nonetheless, I did love him. If he hadn’t cheated on me, I would have probably stayed with him for the rest of my life.

I gave him a second chance, and he blew that too. I feel like I gave up too easily… but relationships just don’t work without the foundation of trust. There is no trust now. I feel like I never knew him at all.

After about 20 minutes of sobbing and stuttering out broken words, I finally got up and proceeded to leave. It seemed like slow motion. I saw the outline of Rodney’s face in the moonlight. A full moon. I knew I would never see him that way again. He was holding Petey at that point, and they looked like such a happy family that I was no longer part of.

As I walked out, it all seemed to fade to black as I said “goodbye” to the life I used to know.

It’s all changing now and I have to start a new life for myself. A new family of my own. I hope I get my happily ever after this time. I’m a man with a lot of love to give to someone who deserves it.


Despite all the craziness going on in my life, things with Brandon have somehow continued to grow stronger and better with each passing day. He was at the right place at the right time, and I know there’s a very special reason he’s come into my life.

Standing in the light of your halo, I’ve got my angel now


Beyonce - Halo