The idea of having children is something that’s often on my mind, and as the years go by, I feel a heightened sense of urgency to get started. I’ve reached a point where many of our straight friends have babies, and they all ask the same question— “Do you and Rodney plan on having kids?” We tell them yes, and the goal remains by the time I’m 30 (I’m 26 now). Rodney will be 41, so we really feel something has to happen by then.
But I do have to admit that I’m crippled with fears and worries about the whole process. The first obstacle is that I want to have a biological child, which means I’ll need to find a woman who will carry the baby.
When you’re a lesbian, your options are endless. All you need is a sperm donor and you can handle the rest. But for us, we would basically be at the mercy of this woman for 9 months. I have this deep fear that she would change her mind and want to keep the child… On the flip side, you have to almost question a woman who doesn’t have a problem giving up a baby.
Then there is adoption. People always throw that out there. I might be open to it if we have a second child. In fact, I’ve wondered about adopting a child that is 5 or 6 so that we can theoretically turn back the hands of time to counter Rodney being in his 40’s when we get started. But I definitely want at least one biological child and I think that should be the first.
A whole other issue that worries me is the day to day stuff. Many people are afraid of settling down and the lifelong commitment to be a part of a child’s life. But that doesn’t bother me at all.
What I worry about are the little things. Spending 1 hour with my nieces and nephews exhausts me. There is no “off” button, no pause. They are sweet as can be, but they have to be entertained from sunrise until sunset. I can turn my head for a second and they get into trouble. They get into something they shouldn’t, or they fall off and get hurt. How does any human maintain the energy for that?
Well, I’m just venting my fears. As people always tell me, “It will all work out.”
I know the child(ren) will be loved, fed, and clothed, so that’s the first step. It’s all the minor details that overwhelm me.
I wish more potential parents would follow your lead, and start asking questions and thinking about the ramifications of parenthood BEFORE they bring a child into the world.
Too many people spend more time contemplating the purchase of a car.
I’m sure you and Rodney will continue to explore your concerns and consider the different issues as you journey toward becoming Dads—-sounds like a scary, but wonderful process!
Posted on Fri, May 9, 2008 @ 3:02 pm
I wish you luck with your thoughts and dreams as you think about becoming parents. From what I know of you and Rodney, I am sure, you will be excellent parents.
Manny and I have gone through the same things. We still have no decision. Even at 44, I think I could handle being a dad, and Manny, being 30, can definately handle it.
Posted on Fri, May 9, 2008 @ 8:01 pm
Nathan,
I admire your thoughtfulness concerning this important decision. As a father of two (I’m formerly married) grown boys, I can tell you that parenthood is fantastic.
An aside… Scott C., did you spell the third from the last word in your comment that way on purpose, in light of Nathan’s previous post? 
Posted on Fri, May 9, 2008 @ 8:45 pm
Your candor bout your fears is refreshing. I have four children who range in age from 18 to 23. Oh yeah, I was a busy lil’ bee. My ex-wife was not a part of the picture (except to birth them babies) as she felt her job was complete upon delivery. I was so obtuse, and so damned happy to have something that no one could take away that for ten years I put up with her unusual behavior. Your fears about not having the energy? Some sort of miracle takes place when You become a parent, and all your fears go away. All you want to do is take care of that child. The bond that takes place is , indescribable. Parenthood is not for everyone, but it sure does change your life if you become one.
Posted on Sat, May 10, 2008 @ 5:58 am
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