Nathan Exposed: the naked truth about my gay life

Add this to my collection of Mariah Carey posts. Yes, I know you dear readers hate the woman. The gays turned on her somewhere around 1998. I can only speculate, but I think it was the poodle hair she sported in Hawaii. It was right then and there that the gays threw in the towel. By 1999, I couldn’t get one gay friend to say they liked her anymore, and it was all downhill from there.

But I digress… I’ve been a loyal Mariah since 1990, and I suspect I always will be. Clearly somebody is buying her music… just nobody that reads my blog. (Except for you Alexsander.)

So her new CD is coming out, and I do believe my advice is helping. Look at Janet Jackson. I wrote several spirited posts back in 2006 giving her tips on how to make better music, and I think she took notes. That woman has completely turned it around. Good for you, Miss Jackson. I’m glad I could help you.

Now that brings me to my beautiful Mariah… you know you’re the only woman I’d switch for. But we need to talk about these rappers.

Let’s stroll back to 1995 when you did the “Fantasy” remix with ODB. Yeah, that was edgy. You were a pop princess living in Tommy-land, and collaborating with a rapper pissed off all the right people. It was a new sound for the Mariah we’d all known, and we liked it. It was a #1 hit. Good for you.

By 1997, the rap was going a little overboard. To this day, I don’t understand why people allow Jermaine Dupri to talk on their songs. “JD, y’all” is not singing… it’s not even rapping. He’s just this freakishly short man who says his name in the middle of songs, and ruins the whole damn thing for me. Really, Mariah… what value does he bring to the table?

As we moved into 1999, things got really crazy. There were just random guys screaming on your songs. No reason, they just screamed at really inappropriate times. The concept of rapping had went out the window. But I could still forgive you, because I understood that you were doing your independent thing, trying to find your place in the world, and all that good stuff.

We’ll bypass the early 2000’s because I think the media was incredibly harsh on you. So let’s just move on to to your most recent albums. You’ve survived the storms, you’ve grown up now, and you’re wiser and stronger. Why haven’t you ditched the annoying rappers?

Honey, you can out-sing anyone. You’ve been in this industry for nearly 2 decades! Why, oh why, do you feel like you have to share the stage with these rappers? You have enough talent to fill a 4 minute song on your own.

Last night, you appeared on Saturday Night Live with T-Pain, who looked like a homeless guy you picked up in an alley on your way to the show. Why???

The song was great. You were doing very well on your own. And you looked fantastic. I see no reason why this clown had to jump on stage 3 minutes into the song and start jumping around. Then you started dirty dancing with him. Bleh…

If you want my professional opinion; you should delay the album release and remove the rappers from the songs. Re-release it in May and let it be a true Mariah Carey album that features you and you alone. Come on… you’ve earned it!

Just look what my advice did for Janet. ;)

Madonna… we’ll get to you next week…

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Sun, Mar 16, 2008 @ 10:01 pm | Filed in Humor, Music | Permalink 5 Comments

    There are many of us who still lov the girl!

    Posted by Cincinnati NAMjA on Mon, Mar 17, 2008 @ 4:02 pm

      haha I know what you mean! I love MC but I am tired of those “collaborations” she doesn’t need them :) I am looking forward to hearing her new album- I think she’ll stop using them (rappers) by the end of these decade- she’ll be 40 by then so hopefully she’ll do more meaningful, deeper songs :) … I think she is just having some fun for now :)

      Posted by Alexsander on Mon, Mar 17, 2008 @ 4:31 pm

        Hahaha! I love your comment about the rappers. I kinda got used to seeing them, but as far as the SNL performance goes, I wish she sang at least one ballad… :X

        Hope there’s some awesome ballad track in her her new album ;)

        Posted by NickBd on Mon, Mar 17, 2008 @ 5:25 pm

          Wow! 3 comments about Mariah on my blog. That’s 3 more than I’ve ever received in the past! :)

          Posted by Nathan on Mon, Mar 17, 2008 @ 7:10 pm

            I adore Mariah, but the rappers?!?
            I’m with you, I think she needs a stylistic makeover.
            And I always thought the poodle hair was cute.
            I hope that means i can still be gay.

            Posted by Daniel on Sat, Mar 22, 2008 @ 12:53 am

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