Nathan Exposed » The Date

It’s finally here. January 14, 2008.

Ten years ago, right around this exact time, I began a journey I never could have imagined.

It had been three weeks since my secret boyfriend dumped me on Christmas and I came out to my parents. It was a confusing, vulnerable time in adolescence. On one hand, I was dealing with having my heart broken for the first time. On the other, I was feeling rejected because my parents weren’t accepting, they didn’t understand what I was going through, and I felt completely alone.

While all this was going on, there was one guy (Jack) who had remained in the back of my mind. I had met him in the previous autumn, 1997. Visually, he was a dream. He was the physical translation of heaven.

A lot of kids talked about him because he was the only openly gay boy in the school. There was nothing “straight acting” about him. He was out and proud, he had the lisp, the wiggle in his walk, all the stereotypes of a flamboyant gay person. But he was beautiful, and I admired him for being his true self.

He was fixated on me from the moment he saw me in 1997. I still remember that day at the bus stop, and I had made every effort to push him away since. But after all I’d been through with the break-up and coming out, I felt he was the only person I could turn to.

So now that the holidays and new year had passed, I called him on January 14. I told him briefly what was going on, and asked if we could get together that night. We met at the school and I got in his truck. We drove around for hours, talking, sharing stories. We had such a connection, so much in common. We were both artistic, emotional, sensitive people. It was fireworks when we were together.

I could tell he didn’t have much money. His truck was old and beat up. It made loud, scary sounds at unexpected times. He smelled heavily of cheap hair gel and aftershave. But it was sexy in a weird way. The smell of that old truck and cheap products, all converged with the emotions and visuals of Jack.

I can still smell it all today. I’m telling you, this boy could have smelled like shit and I would still be turned on. Just something about him…

Finally, it started to get late, and I needed to get home. It was a school night, and 16-year-old’s do have curfews. By the end of the night, it was pretty evident that Jack and I were falling for each other. I guess in a weird way, this was our first date. I remember the sky was clear and crisp, and I could see the moon as I got out of his truck.

He got out too, walking towards me like he wanted a kiss. But I was aloof and distant, and remained guarded. “Can I at least have a hug?” he asked me.

“Okay,” I said with much hesitation.

Our bodies pressed together, and I lose my breath right now just re-living it. I felt like a part of me had been missing my whole life, and when we touched, I felt whole. We both had coats on, but they were open and our chests were touching. Only our shirts were separating our skin. I can smell him all over again.

I went to bed and I could not sleep that night. I was too excited. I just sat in bed all night, watching the clock and waiting for the sun to rise. Classes didn’t start until 8:20 that morning, but I think I pulled up in the school parking lot at 7AM. There was Jack… waiting for me…

This was the beginning of a relationship that hurt me more than anything else in my life. I always wondered where I’d be in a decade, and now I know. I’m right here.

I’ve told the story of Jack before, but for the newbies out there, it’s quite a tale. The purpose of this post is not to tell the full story… but instead, just to tell of the night it all began.

Despite all the pain he caused, nothing can replace the way I felt on January 14, 1998.

Mon, Jan 14, 2008 @ 6:24 pm | Filed in Gay | Permalink

6 Comments

beautiful story.

Posted by dit on Mon, Jan 14, 2008 @ 7:40 pm

Obvious clearly etched memories…even smells! I love smells. They can turn us on, or off, or remind us — years later — of the past. Excellent story.

Posted by Lewis on Mon, Jan 14, 2008 @ 7:43 pm

Wonderful!

Posted by DanNation on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 2:57 am

Love this post. It’s so whimsical yet romantic. Very Wonder Years - in a gay kind of way.

Posted by Sunshine on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 3:44 am

great story! i am new so i haven’t read the story of jack, but i want to now, where can i find it?

Posted by HA on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 5:53 pm

That has to be your sweetest post. You just reminded me there of a feeling I hadn’t felt in quite a while. Thanks Nathan.

And by the way, can you think where would you be without jack today? That’s hard to imagine, isn’t it?

Posted by danny on Thu, Jan 17, 2008 @ 11:11 am