Nathan Exposed » I Would Do It All Again

This time of year brings out the romantic in me.

Who doesn’t enjoy a good love story? The best ones are those that involve drama and controversy. The story of Romeo and Juliet is a well-known classic, afterall.

It was during this particular time 7 years ago that Rodney and I were fighting our feelings for each other, as I was in a committed relationship with someone else. If you only knew the fires that burned secretly in my heart. It’s such a crazy, physically and emotionally painful thing to be with someone and want someone else. You go through spells of self loathing, of guilt… yet you feel like there’s this light at the end of the tunnel if you could just break free.

Talk about fireworks… when I finally told my partner at the time how I felt for Rodney, it was an explosion. It was misery. At first, I thought I could get over how I felt. But I couldn’t. This was not some crush, I really loved Rodney. There are many casualties in love, and unfortunately my partner became one of them.

I did what I had to do to be happy. I had a choice to honor my commitment to one person and live the rest of my life with him, or I could end things and take a chance at being happy with Rodney. You must remember that there are no guarantees. I could have later realized I’d lost the most wonderful person in my life. Luckily, that never happened. Rodney is the one I would have regretted losing.

So today, I was thinking about all I’d been through, and the fight to get where I am today. The crying and fighting, the feeling of being physically ill (I vomited often while this was going on because the pressure really got to me). It was all worth it. Most importantly, I would do it all again. I would go through all that over again just to have Rodney in my life. That’s a true testament to love.

Every winter, when this time of year rolls around, I’m reminded of where I’ve been, and how I got here. It was worth the fight. I have no regrets.

Sun, Jan 6, 2008 @ 6:15 pm | Filed in Family | Permalink

3 Comments

Holy Smokes! You sound like you were a wreck. I’m happy that you’ve brought yourself to the place where you are today…and I know you are too. Would you believe I’ve never seen R&J. I’m weird, what can I say.

Posted by Lewis on Sun, Jan 6, 2008 @ 8:18 pm

That is so incredibly beautiful. This post tugged a string in my heart, Nathan.

Posted by Sunshine on Sun, Jan 6, 2008 @ 10:55 pm

awwwwwwwwwww

Posted by eliot on Mon, Jan 7, 2008 @ 9:10 pm