Nathan Exposed: the naked truth about my gay life

Have you ever experienced something so intensely earth shattering that it knocks you on your ass and makes you feel like you’ve lived your whole life in a bubble?

Well I have.

There was a new series in the works, but it probably isn’t going to happen now, so I’ll just let the cat out of the bag. I was working on a video series called “Exposed TV”. This concept entailed conducting video interviews with people via webcam. The purpose was to share their amazing stories of what they had been through in life, and how they have remained strong. I really thought it was going to be an important and meaningful project.

My first volunteer was a friend who has been living with HIV for 22 years. He has been through more stuff in two decades than many of us go through in our entire lives. Physically, he has been on a rollercoaster, and probably heard death knocking on the door more than a few times. Emotionally, he has buried two partners, both who died of HIV.

We talked for 4 hours on webcam, all the while thinking it was recording. His story was incredible. It moved me, it enlightened me, it inspired me. He is one of the kindest, warmest people I’ve ever met, and I hate it that he has suffered so much in his life. It truly feels unfair.

For whatever reason, there was a blip in the webcam recording. Huge chunks of the video did not record. I have no idea why. Every time I come up with a theory, I find another clue that sends me in a different direction. So I’ve pretty much given up releasing this video, as there is just too much missing to make a tangible documentary.

I’ve also given up doing more episodes of Exposed TV, because I fear the same technical glitch would happen again. Maybe webcam technology isn’t advanced enough to record 4 hours of data, I don’t know.

Anyway, even though the video isn’t all there, the experience still is. It has stuck with me since Saturday, and left this gigantic feeling of sadness in my heart. This isn’t just a news story I was doing, it was a real human being’s life. It made me realize how small and petty my day to day complaints are. Nothing I’ve been through measures up to the kind of pain this man has survived. Nothing.

On top of it all, this is the story of millions of people around the world who are affected in some way by HIV. We are all connected to this.

If I feel this sad because of one person’s story, I can’t even imagine what it’s like for those actually living with it. I can’t imagine what volunteers and support groups feel like on a day to day basis. Like I said, this is a realization that has knocked me on my ass and made me look at everything with more clarity.

I usually try to wrap up my posts with a closing note, or a call to action. But I don’t have one for this. The call of action is up to you.

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Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 4:33 pm | Filed in Life | Permalink 7 Comments

    I can only imagine how the interview has moved you. I am sorry that the webcam recording did not work for you, because I would have loved to have seen it - to hear your friends message of strength and hope.

    Posted by Daniel on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 5:52 pm

      I’m sorry it didn’t work out, that would have been a fantastic, enlightening series. I hope you reconsider something like this in the future.

      Posted by Ken on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 6:00 pm

        What a cool idea and what a story to start off with. I’m sorry it did not work out.

        Posted by martini-dan on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 8:01 pm

          Oh man. I’m so sorry to read this. Don’t give up, though. Sometimes people’s stories just have to be told and this setback could be just that. Thinking about you!

          Posted by Kathy T. on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 8:26 pm

            We’ve already talked about this so you already know how much I feel for you, for the guy, for the whole situation. I wish you’d reconsider. There have to be other options. Give it some time. Revamp it. Rethink it. Anything worth doing, is exactly that. Giant warm winter hugs.

            Posted by Lewis on Tue, Jan 15, 2008 @ 8:46 pm

              Thank you everyone for the kind words :)

              Well, even though the webcam idea didn’t go as planned, the lesson learned from it was priceless to me. I will see if I can think of another medium to share this story through… presuming of course that I can convince my friend to do it one more time.

              Posted by Nathan on Wed, Jan 16, 2008 @ 2:18 am

                To answer your first question - Yes, a few times :(

                Don’t give up man. You’ve got a knack for getting to people (in a good way).

                I’ve got a feeling you will ultimately find a way to make this happen.

                You have definitely found your calling in helping others in this crazy world we all live in.

                The best to ya :)

                Posted by Lika Starr on Fri, Jan 18, 2008 @ 9:06 pm

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