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Borrowed from Tom, who borrowed it from Eddy… —– THE EVERYTHING TEST There are many different types of tests on the internet today. Personality tests, purity tests, stereotype tests, political tests. But now, there is one test to rule them all. Traditionally, online tests would ask certain questions about your musical tastes or clothing for a stereotype, your experiences for a purity test, or deep questions for a personality test. We’re turning that upside down - all the questions affect all the results, and we’ve got some innovative results too! Enjoy. PERSONALITY You are more emotional than logical, more concerned about self than concerned about others, more atheist than religious, more dependent than loner, more lazy than workaholic, more rebel than traditional, more artistic mind than engineering mind, more idealist than cynical, more leader than follower, and more introverted than extroverted. As for specific personality traits, you are innovative (86%), intellectual (81%), greedy (76%), romantic (71%). STEREOTYPES LIFE EXPERIENCE POLITICS SOCIOECONOMIC If your life was a movie, it would be rated PG-13. By the way, your hottness rank is 69%, hotter than 79% of other test takers. TAKE THE TEST
I’m now entering the 4th week of toilet training our cats, and here’s the latest. The first 2 weeks were relatively easy. The CitiKitty plastic pan was placed between the toilet seat, filled with litter, and our 2 cats basically thought it was a new litter box. The results were awesome. Week 3 is when things took a turn for the worst. I had been scooping and flushing the litter, which was clogging the toilet. You see, the litter wasn’t actually made to be flushed. I just used what we had from the litter box. So during the 3rd week, I bought “flushable” litter… which is very hard to find these days. It used to be common, but concerns for the environment really impacted the way litter is made, and now most popular brands are called “scoopable” instead of “flushable”. Purr Purr and Prissy hate the new litter. It has a much different consistency. So the problem wasn’t with the toilet, it was actually with the sudden switch in litter. One of them has adapted to the new litter, but the other has rebelled. I don’t know which is which. But tonight, I found a big pile of poop hidden in the corner behind the toilet. Then, in the shower, someone had pissed all over the bottom of the curtain. Yep, clear signs of rebellion. Someone is an unhappy kitty. When it comes to bathroom habits, they are both very adaptable. Neither one of them has ever showed signs of rebellion in the past. Purr Purr is 6 and Prissy is 4. We’ll continue to take things slowly, and I think we’ll be alright. It’s just going to require patience. Has anyone else given this a try?
I know I was probably being overly cautious, but it just seems stupid to me. If groomers know there is a risk of dogs hanging themselves, why wouldn’t they just buy the kind of restraint that snaps off if they should jump? So I decided to take matters in my own hands. I grabbed my manscaping tools and styled Petey myself. It wasn’t easy. He put up a hell of a fight, and a schnauzer cut is detailed to begin with. Don’t even get me started on having to shave his butt and penis. But he looks pretty darn good, if you ask me. Okay, there is one teeny tiny bald spot on his head, but that will grow back.
This is a post with some bitching, as well as some mild criticism of our President. My apologies in advance. Unless you’ve been under a rock, you probably know that crews are working to rescue 6 miners in Utah. They have been trapped for almost a week now, and so far, there is no sign of life. I have my own morbid opinion on what the outcome will be, but I know family and friends have not given up hope, so I will keep my pessimism to myself. But please correct me if I’m wrong… From what I’ve gathered, they have had a fairly difficult time getting help. As a result, the rescue process has been very slow. 1 week just doesn’t seem fast enough when you have trapped victims, without food or water. It’s the difference between life and death. Every day that passes reduces the chances of any human still being alive. While this wouldn’t be considered a national tragedy, it’s still a VERY BIG DEAL to the family and friends. And it’s my understanding that in a situation like this, the President, or government, or military, or someone should step in to take fast action. Afterall, this did take place on American soil. I can’t help but think about Iraq, and all the billions of dollars being pumped into it every day. Why hasn’t someone with authority, right here in the United States, sent out some form of help in this situation? If we have that much money to spend in another country, why can’t we at least get a little help in our own? Maybe I have all my facts screwed up and I’m talking out of my ass here. I’m really just thinking out loud. It just seems like something could be done, and could have been done sooner, if a person with authority had stepped in immediately.
Moobs = Man Boobs. I have a new story about our neighbors, The Poop Spies. You may recall them. When they moved into the house behind us last year, they developed a crazy fetish for watching our dog Petey poop in the yard. This husband and wife team would scurry to their window every time I took Petey outside. I could just imagine them giggling and shaking with excitement. “Look, honey, that dog is expelling a brown substance. What do you suppose it could be?” I bet when I went back inside, they would sneak over and pick it up to examine. Anyway, they aren’t what I’d call “rude”, but they definitely aren’t social. If people fail to provide any insight into their personality to me, I have no choice but to create my own characters. So this is how it all goes down… This husband has major moobs. But in my head, I’ve decide they are actually breast implants. When he is in the house, he likes to dress up in women’s clothing. But when he goes to work each day, he dresses in a suit (okay, that part is true). Other people in his stuffy office just assume the moobs are excess fat tissue, but they’re not. They are full fledge titties. So each afternoon, when he gets home, he can’t wait to get out of those uncomfortable clothes and slip into something more comfortable. His wife is totally into it, too. They play dress up, paint each other’s toe nails, and wait with baited breath until I take Petey out to poop. To wrap it all up, I’ve decided that he has low self esteem days. Sometimes he just looks in the mirror with a frown, teases the hair of his wig and says “I just don’t feel pretty today.” I know. I’m vicious. What did this man ever do to me? Sorry, but I need some way to entertain myself with these people. And I’m not saying there is anything wrong with men who like to dress as women. I’m just saying… well… it’s fun to pretend this man who dresses in a suit each day has a secret that he’s keeping behind closed doors. Ohhh… and one more thing! When he mows the lawn, he wears grey t-shirts, which are notorious for showing sweat stains. He mows at noon, when it’s the hottest out… AND HE DOESN’T SWEAT! I don’t get it. There are no stains growing from his armpits, or down his back. His face doesn’t look wet and shiny. Where the hell does the sweat go? I don’t get it! Maybe he isn’t a real human at all…
The basic premise of both stories is that a person is confined to his home and takes up voyeurism to pass the summer days, only to discover that his neighbor might be a murderer. In Hitchcock’s film, this character was a grown adult with a cast on his leg. In this movie, it is a young teen who is on house arrest. “Disturbia” starts out really strong by opening with a sensitive father-son scene that puts the audience in a vulnerable, sensitive emotional state. It’s all warm and fuzzy, you know. Then we get shocked when the scene takes an unexpected turn of events. I have to give credit because this formula often fails. It worked well in this film. As we get into the film, the plot does get pretty intense at times, and I did find myself genuinely scared. But I felt the movie fell apart in the final scenes, which are supposed to be the meat of any thriller. I get soooo tired of the same old tricks that film-makers play on audiences. Have a chase scene with lots of yelling, kicking, and screaming. Break down some doors, shake the camera up, create a lot of quick angles that make your head spin… all to the give the illusion that something wild and scary is happening. I feel like movies are dumbed down when they do that. Sure, it does give you a quick rush of adrenaline. But that quickly wears off and after the film is over, there isn’t anything of substance left that really makes you afraid to go to sleep at night… other than motion sickness. So all in all, I felt “Disturbia” was only mediocre. It’s marketed as a film for adults, but I would say it’s better for teenagers. I just feel that most adults will be too sophisticated to fall for the same-old tricks.
According to the poll I posted last night, Hillary Clinton won by a vote of 45%. Barack Obama came in next with 27% of the votes. “Other” came in at 15% and John Edwards finished out at 12%. And if you know how to add, you’ll notice that only comes out to 99%. I have no idea where the 1% went. But those are the numbers the poll gives. Now in the reader submitted votes, there was one vote for Stewie (of The Family Guy) and one vote for me (thanks Tom!).
Why do I continuously hear news reports about women who leave their children in the car, windows completely up, and then the child dies from the heat? It’s tragic and fucking ridiculous. What an awful way to die. If you’re going to bring a child into this world, at least have the sense to take care of the child and not put it in horrible situations that can easily be prevented! < end rant > Yeah, I know, the 2008 elections are still a loooong time from now. But if you had to vote right now for the next President, who would you choose? Feel free to elaborate or offer more names in the comments section.
Like the boy bands of yesteryear, or the hooker on the street corner who’s looking a little too old, I feel I’ve entered the dreaded d-list of bloggers. You never expect to be there, and it sneaks up on you quietly. But once you’re there, you know it. You look around at the other d-listers and nod to one another. In fact, I was chatting with a fellow friend and blogger yesterday, and I think we both knew our fate. So how does someone get on the d-list? Maybe they post one too many articles about dust bunnies, or wait 25 days between posts. Maybe they ramble on and on about the same old shit. At first, you’re in denial. You reminisce about the days when you were bringing on your A-game, posting hilarious topics that were witty and bold. My best posts were the ones that were a little rude, a little sarcastic, and sometimes a little off the wall. But I’m not rude anymore. In fact, I have no desire to be cruel or catty. Thus, I lost my pizazz. Sure, a nice blogger makes the world a better place. But who cares? People like drama. Maybe I should start a feud with a fellow blogger. Hmmm…. who should I pick? I guess I could write someone’s name on a piece of paper and piss on it… Oops, someone’s already done that. Hmmm… maybe I could sleep with half the other bloggers in North America. Oh wait… someone’s already done that too. Here’s one - PEREZ HILTON IS GAY!!! There, I outed him. Yep, it’s true. He’s a flaming homo, hiding in the closet.
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It’s rare that I comment on a movie, but I did feel compelled to write about “Disturbia” due to the constant comparisons to Alfred Hitchcock’s 1954 classic “Rear Window”. The DVD of “Disturbia” came out this past Tuesday.
