Nathan Exposed » denying denial.

denying denial.

Thanks for all the well wishes, positive thoughts, and prayers in response to my previous post about my Grandma. Having a blog really does help in times like this because I can get things off my chest and also share them with my pals on here.

Well, the outlook is grim. She had a stroke that affected both sides of her brain and it was about as severe as possible. She cannot swallow, which means she can’t eat, and they don’t think she will be able to hear, see, or speak. They aren’t even sure if she can comprehend anything.

She’s not in a coma, but she also isn’t “awake”. I’ve been thinking about it and wondering where a person goes within themselves in times like these. She isn’t dead, but not exactly alive. So where is my Grandma right now?

They put a feeding tube in her temporarily but my family will need to make a decision soon. I guess I’m in denial, because I keep thinking somehow she is going to push through and prove everyone wrong. I don’t know if that’s denial or just extreme optimism, but I just can’t believe it’s over yet.

According to the doctors, the best case scenario is that she will be a vegetable living off a feeding tube. She will never be “Grandma” again. Worst case scenario is that they remove the tube and let nature take its course. I’m not happy with either outcome.

But truth be told, she’s 82. It’s not exactly a shocker. Still… it’s just so difficult to give up on her. She’s still breathing, her heart is still beating… so to me, there is still hope.

On a sidenote, I highly encourage anyone reading to decide whether or not you’d want to be kept alive on a feeding tube, and put it in writing so that the decision is officially made.

My Grandma does not have such a document, and so now the burden is on my family to decide. We honestly don’t know what she wanted either way.

Fri, Aug 24, 2007 @ 10:07 pm | Filed in Family | Permalink

6 Comments

I’m sorry that you have to go through this. I lost my grandmother a year and half ago. She was slowly deteriorating over the last few years, and her heart finally gave out. It’s never easy, no matter what the situation.

Your family does have some tough decisions to make, and you are right about making preparations for these type of things now. Things will get better though buddy. Hugs to you and your family!

Posted by jasontt33 on Sat, Aug 25, 2007 @ 8:24 am

Decisions like these are very difficult. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Hugs!

Posted by vfrankl on Sat, Aug 25, 2007 @ 8:54 am

Oh man, this is terrible. You are so right about everyone having a living will. Even I don’t….this is (another) good reminder. And many of these kinds of decisions and situations are made with a little denial, a little optimism…some of each. I’m thinking of you and sending you good ROCK thoughts today.

Posted by Lewis on Sat, Aug 25, 2007 @ 11:26 am

So sorry to hear about your grandmother Nathan. Sending some good thoughts & prayers to you and her.

Posted by Tom on Sun, Aug 26, 2007 @ 2:44 am

I’m so sorry to hear about your Grams, Nathan… My thoughts and hugs go out to you and your family.

xoxo

Posted by Rey Rey on Sun, Aug 26, 2007 @ 8:51 pm

Sorry about your grandmother.

My mother was on a feeding tube before she died, so this is a tough one to comment on…it’s hard to make that decision when it’s a family member or a loved one, while one can be flippant when it’s someone we don’t know.

Speaking from experience, my mother no longer had any kind of quality of life, and I’m sure that she wouldn’t have wanted to be tied to a feeding tube for the rest of her life.

I think you have to look at it from the perspective of quality of life itself. If you no longer had any kind of quality of life, would you want to be tied to a feeding tube? Think about your grandmother…think about how she was before her massive stroke…probably had a good life with lots of quality. However, look where she is now. If you were in her shoes, would you want to be tied to a feeding tube?

Hope this helps, and I’ll be keeping you in my thoughts.

Posted by Stephen on Tue, Aug 28, 2007 @ 1:08 pm