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Monday’s suck. It seems like hardly anyone blogs on Monday’s. Everyone is busy, everyone is stressed. What’s the deal? I’m just the opposite. Monday’s are slow for me. My week gets busy around Tuesday and Wednesday. By the time Friday rolls around, I try to have all my major projects completed. I hate going off to my weekend with unfinished business, you know? So I start Monday with a clean slate most of the time. I started off today writing a witty email to a co-worker about a newsletter project I’m designing. I told her that I think we should do a theme with flying monkeys, because everyone loves flying monkeys. Seriously, who doesn’t? I don’t think she appreciated my humor. I also don’t think she likes flying monkeys. Fast forward to after work, where I got ma hair did. My stylist was so happy to see me because I hadn’t been there for 6 months. She hugged me and told me she missed me. That was sweet. I think she thinks I cut off all my hair because I was mad at her. Huh? Of course not. I was mad at my hair. Actually, I wasn’t mad at all. I just wanted to do it. That brings us to tonight. I was walking Petey when a bug flew into my eye. That was not very nice. Why would a bug fly in my eye? I know my eyes are delicious like warm chocolate brownies, but seriously…get the fuck outta them. Oh, and some solicitor/church group/girl scout/cum monkey came to our door when I was trying to watch Kyle XY. Nobody interrupts me when I watch Kyle XY. Don’t people know that Monday nights from 7 pm - 8 pm are reserved for Matt Dallas? And besides, I’m trying to collect the clues so I can solve the mystery. So that was my Monday. Now don’t you feel bad for not blogging? If more people had blogged, you wouldn’t have to sit through all that.
While purusing the blogsophere, I found a blog called You Can’t Handle the Truthiness, which brought me to this ColorQuiz. The results were pretty negative, but I did have to laugh at the line which says “Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity.” No arguments there. Your Existing Situation Seeks a close and understanding bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy, as a protection against anxiety and conflict. Your Stress Sources Unfulfilled hopes have led to uncertainty and apprehension. Needs to feel secure and to avoid any further disappointment, and fears being passed over or losing standings and prestige. Doubts that things will be any better in the future and this negative attitude leads him to make exaggerated demands and to refuse to make reasonable compromises. Your Restrained Characteristics Circumstances are such that he feels forced to compromise for the time being if he is to avoid being cut off from affection or from full participation. Unhappy at the resistance he feels whenever he tries to assert himself. Indignant and resentful because of these setbacks, but gives way apathetically and makes whatever adjustments are necessary so that he can have peace and quiet. Feels that he cannot do much about his existing problems and difficulties and that he must make the best of things as they are. Able to achieve satisfaction from sexual activity. Your Desired Objective Longs for tenderness and for a sensitivity of feeling into which he can blend. Responsive to anything esthetic and tasteful. Your Actual Problem Disappointment at the non-fulfillment of his hopes and the fear that to formulate fresh goals will only lead to further setbacks have resulted in considerable anxiety. He is trying to escape from this into a peaceful and harmonious relationship, protecting him from dissatisfaction and lack of appreciation.
So I was writing a letter to my girl Janet, and I told her that I just saw the new cover to her CD, 20 Y.O., over at Popbytes. And I was telling her how much I love the photo, but then said how I hate the typography. Come on Janet, what’s going on with this font? And why is it gold? That’s so 1999. Sometimes it’s trendy to bring back elements from yesteryear, but gold fonts haven’t quite made their comeback. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong about everything. Maybe I’m too old, or too white, to appreciate the duet with Nelly, the terrible CGI music video, or the flashy gold type treatments. Or maybe you should have just called me before you started working on this new album. Time will tell. [ P.S. - Okay, so nobody is going to ask why I’ve started my last 3 posts with “So I was writing a letter to my girl Janet”? Oh fine, I give in…. I’ll tell you. It was an inside joke. My friend Pete thought it would be funny if I started all my posts that way. It just makes everything sound like a personal letter, doesn’t it? ] So I was writing a letter to my girl Janet, and I was telling her that she looks great and how it’s amazing how quickly she loses weight, even at 40. But then I got a little personal, and asked if she had a lot of scary stretch marks around her thighs and ass. Let’s be honest here, just because the weight melts away doesn’t mean the skin is going to be so forgiving. When it comes to skin, Mother Nature was a cold ass bitch to me. In the summer of 2000, Mother Nature gave me my first stretch mark. I was lounging in the bed, naked, when my now ex Don said “Hey, you have stretch marks!” Yeah, that’s exactly what you want someone to say when you’re naked. Big purple stretch marks on my legs. The way they looked was bad enough, but have you ever touched a stretch mark? Yuck. Nothing like having thick lines carved into your flesh. Eventually, they did fade out and I used various creams to lighten them. So today, 6 years later, I still have the scars. They are very light, but I know they are there, and I can feel them. Sometimes they really bother me. So I got out my big, baggy underwear (you know what I’m talking about, everyone has a pair) and slathered on thick layers of greasy cocoa butter. I smell like a walking chocolate bar, and my skin is sticking to my underwear. It’s a very gross feeling. That’s something they don’t show you in sexy underwear ads, do they? Thanks to Photoshop, we’ll never know just how many men and women get out their big underwear and slap on a layer of cocoa butter on a lazy Saturday afternoon. But just remember, it can happen to you! I’m just speaking the truth people.
So I was writing a letter to my girl Janet, when I noticed that Rey Rey had posted this survey. Whenever I read things like this, I always think they are fun because I get to learn a little more about my friends. But I never play along. Well today, I’m playing along… 1. Would you get back with your last ex if you could? 2. What color shirt are you wearing? 3. Would you kiss anyone on your blogroll? 4. Do you have a ‘thing’ for someone on your blogroll? 5. How many people on your blogroll do you know in real life? 6. How many kids do you want to have? 7. Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 8. What name would you want besides the one you have? 10. What did you do for your last birthday? 11. What’s your main ringtone on your phone? 12. What time did you wake up today? 13. What were you doing two nights ago? 14. How many times have you been tattooed and did it hurt? 15. Name something you can’t wait to do. 16. Last time you saw your Mom? 17. What is one thing you wish you could change about yourself? 18. If you had $250,000, what would you do with it? 19. How long have you worked at your current job? 20. Are you messy or organized? 21.Describe the underwear you have on? 22. Last thing you ate? 23. What’s your favorite month? 24. Your least favorite month? 25. What’s the last piece of clothing someone borrowed from you? 26. Who is getting on your nerves right now? 27. Most visited webpage? 28. Last person you text messaged? 29. Last person to make you sad? 30. Would you take a bullet for your best friend? 31. Favorite kind of drink? 32. Favorite food? 33. Favorite dessert? 34. Have you been to Europe? 35. If someone you hated died, what would you do?
Kathy Griffin appeared on The View today and it was hilarious, as expected. Check out the tension with Barbara Walters. I love it!
In less than 2 weeks, 3 celebrities have come out as either gay or bisexual. July has become the gayest month ever for celebrities, and we still have a few more days to go. Here’s the round-up so far: - Darren Hayes (Gay, announced 7/17) Which closet case will come out next? - Ricky Martin?
Dear readers with a vagina, This is a public service announcement from Nathan Exposed to let you know that August is Centipedes in Your Vagina Awareness Month. Like this ad so delicately says, it’s more likely than you think. Be sure to take your PC to a doctor and have your vagina checked for centipedes. And please share this important information with your friends and family. Knowledge is power, prevention is the best medicine, and only you can prevent forest fires. Sincerely, Dr. Hamugaflugin
I thought the results of this quiz were laugh-out-loud funny! Sadly, I agree with everything. I guess I am a brute, and it compares me to an overgrown gorilla like King Kong. Gee, thanks. ————–
Because of your selfishness, you also tend to be a bit arrogant, seeing yourself as big or strong or smart or always correct. This makes you a stubborn, irrational, emotion-driven brute. King Kong best represents the gorilla-version of your personality. Emotional, introverted (King Kong was isolated on his own island, after all), brutal, and arrogant (proud to be the largest ape on Earth!), Kong would probably get along very well with you, seeing as how you share many of the same traits. Aside from, you know, all the fur. You probably keep to yourself and take great pleasure in watching fat people fall down stairs. (But who doesn’t, really?) You probably also have dreams of becoming famous or well-known, but this most likely won’t happen because your introversion limits your Hollywood connections. Being introverted, ape-like, and arrogant isn’t so bad, though. It beats being dead. So your personality defect is simply that you act like a large, overgrown ape that thinks highly of itself whilst brutalizing buxom blondes. Or something. Try to stay off of buildings.
There have been rumors about Lance and Reichen for quite awhile now, but Lance is finally coming out and confirming the rumors. Now a lot of people respond to news like this by saying “Yeah, we all knew it. So what?” But actually, I think it’s very relevant. In the entertainment industry, just about everyone is rumored to be gay at some point. Most of them really aren’t gay. So yeah, we can easily say Lance is gay, Darren Hayes is gay, and nobody really seems shocked. But when the person actually goes on record and confirms they are gay, it sends a very strong message. I am so glad that all these singers are coming out lately. I do believe that singers have an impact on society. If they pretend to be straight, they are indirectly saying that being gay is something shameful that should be hidden deep in a closet. But when they officially come out, audiences are forced to deal with the reality. Good for you, Lance.
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You are a Brute! You are introverted, arrogant, brutal, and more intuitive than rational. Like a big, dumb animal, you are driven by your emotions more than your reason, and as a result of the fact that you care very little for the feelings of others, you tend to be rather selfish. You also possibly fling your own poo. 
Lance Bass of the former group ‘N Sync, has finally come out of the closet, and admitted that he is in a “very stable” relationship with Amazing Race winner Reichen Lehmkuhl.
