I have a difficult time being assertive, and I am recognizing my flaw outloud. I want to improve on my flaw and I am starting immediately.

Being aggressive is easy. I can be the meanest guy you ever met.

Being nice is easy. I can be the friendliest guy you ever met.

But assertiveness is a difficult task. Actually, many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. The actual definition of assertiveness is being able to express what you want or how you feel in a clear, confident tone, without inflicting hostility or anger. It means making a statement without being sarcastic or mean-spirited. Basically, it means you have to be nice and can’t make others feel bad or afraid, while clearly stating your wants outloud.

I want to be more assertive. Sometimes I am just flat out cruel, and that always makes me feel shitty afterwards. Other times, I am simply too nice, and I think people associate kindess with vulnerability. Assertiveness is the happy medium. It means putting yourself first while respecting others.

This is my own motto, and I will work to live by it:
—–

I am an assertive person.

I can clearly and confidently express my feelings, opinions, and desires.

I am not responsible for how people react to me.

I say what I mean, what I feel, and what I want.

I will receive what I ask for.

I will speak up, even when I am secretly afraid.

I am an important person and what I say matters.

I am not going to give up or give in to other people.

I will put myself first, before anyone else.


I really don’t like the label, but I guess I am a pessimist. There is specific formula that I use when making a decision, and it usually revolves around negativity.

For example, let’s say I meet a person. I start out disliking them and secretly judging them. I pick them apart in my head. With a little time, they earn my trust and I begin to like them. From there, things can take a very positive turn and I end up being an optimist. If I catch a bad feeling, however, there is usually not a chance for things to improve. I consider you an enemy and I will try to avoid you or even tell you to “get lost.”

I’ve been lied to a lot, I’ve been hurt a lot, and now it is very difficult for me to believe people have good intentions. More often than not, people eventually disappoint me. Even the ones I really like.

The sad part is that I’m usually correct. If I think a person is bad news, sure enough they prove it. But why does that happen?

So is being a pessimist something we are born as or is it a learned trait?


did not wash hands

My fact checker James took it upon himself to search Google and see how many posts I have about poop. He came up with 78.

Well this makes #79, so take that POOOOOOP!

Regarding this cartoon, I still don’t understand why anyone would ever leave the bathroom without washing their hands. Even if you just go to pee, washing is still mandatory! You touched your penis, now wash your fucking hands.

I think castration is suitable punishment.


On Sunday, we took my parents to the Loveless Cafe & Motel, which is a famous landmark in Nashville. They are known for their biscuits and I’m not a big fan of biscuits, but these were actually really good. I ate mine with fresh blackberry jam. One of their cooks has appeared on Ellen’s talk show and that’s how we first heard about them.

I had fried chicken, macaroni & cheese, and caramel sweet potatoes. Mmm-hmmm.

Sunday night, we went to downtown Nashville to see Kathy Griffin. It was like a gay pride parade outside the theatre. The show was so funny! Seeing Kathy Griffin live is so much better than any of her specials on TV.

When the cameras are not rolling, Kathy is much filthier. There were actually a lot of straight couples in the crowd, and when she made a joke about fisting, they got all uncomfortable and gasped. That was priceless!

Her show runs 2 hours, and she really works hard. She has a natural gift for comedy, everything just flowed perfectly. And her material is extremely current. She had new jokes about things that just happened in the media last week.

There was a drunk bitch in the front who started heckling here when she made jokes about Ann Coulter. Kathy finally said “Hey, I don’t come to your job and knock the dicks out of your mouth!” HA!

So that was my weekend. Every minute of it was great and I had so much fun with our family, friends, good food, and great comedy!

[ Related Post: Best Weekend Ever, Part 1 ]


Okay, let me preface by saying I’m baffled by (straight men) people who read on the toilet. Is it a sign of constipation? Dropping chocolate only takes me a few minutes. I go to the bathroom, I get the job done, and I’m out of there.

But a lot of (straight men) people bring a magazine with them and turn it into a recreational activity. So, fine…I get it.

My question is about the rules of hygiene. What do you do with the magazine while you’re wiping? After you’re done, do you carry the magazine with the same hand you wiped with, or do you turn it over to the assumed cleaner hand?

I’m uncomfortable with the whole bathroom reading anyway, but I’m more uncomfortable with that small window of time between wiping your business and washing your hands. There is a window of opportunity for the magazine to be infested with microscopic bits of waste material.

So what are the rules of bathroom reading? Anyone?


This past weekend was one of the best ones I’ve had. Everything went perfectly and I had a great time. My parents visited for the weekend and got in on Friday night.

We started Saturday by driving through the historic area of Murfreesboro, TN. For those of you who are unfamiliar, Murfreesboro in the town we recently moved to. So we took my parents around and checked out the old houses. I love older homes. They are beautiful and have so much history and such rich architecture.

Next, we ate at Toots, which was a lot of fun. I always laugh at the name…let’s face it, the name makes me think of farts. But it’s actually a really good place. The food was good, the music and environment was fun.

That evening, we had our housewarming party. We had a good turn out, the food was great and our dog Petey kept everyone entertained. He even humped a few legs, so I think it was a good time had by all.

This was the e-mail I sent out when I invited people:

    Dearest friends:

    We’re having a housewarming party on Saturday, June 24th starting at 7pm. There will be booze and hookers. Stop by if you like, and you can bring a date/spouse/partner/whore/”friend” or whatever you want to call them.

    My parents will be visiting, so we will hide the hookers in the bathroom. Just don’t go all at once, or else they will be suspicious.

    Please RSVP by next Tuesday, the 20th because we will need to know how much liquor and hookers to purchase.

    Check out the attached flyer for address & driving directions. If you already know where we live, check it out anyway because I spent Sunday afternoon designing it :D

    Thank you,

    Nathan

    P.S. - Why is it called a “housewarming” party? That is so gay. Our house is warm enough.

Yep, those are the kinds of e-mails you get when you’re friends with me. Funny, huh? So that’s the overview of our Saturday. Up next… Sunday, which included Kathy Griffin.

[ Related Post: Best Weekend Ever, Part 2 ]


Yesterday I saw 2 goats on the side of the road, eating leaves off a tree. I’ve never seen goats on the side of the road, so naturally I was excited. I would have liked to pull over and take one home with me, where he would maintain the lawn and I would name him Billy.

That’s my story of the goats.

Next, this is a photo of Petey after Rodney gave him a bath. Petey does not like baths. After his baths, he makes a constant growling sound to demonstrate just how pissed off he is.

angry pup

And finally, here is Purr Purr, lounging in her little bed by my desk. Purr Purr loves me unconditionally and goes anywhere I go. She hates Petey because he chases her, but she will fight him off just to get the opportunity to sit by me on the couch. Isn’t she sweet?

happy cat

Not pictured: Prissy, who was probably asleep on the bed, or under the bed, or next to the bed, or at least walking distance to the bed…


When I listen to my iPod, I like to create a playlist to listen to in the car, and I usually try to group songs that are completely different from each other so that it always stays interesting. Here’s my current mix:

- “Losing My Religion” R.E.M.
- “Try” Nelly Furtado
- “Holidae In” Chingy
- “Travelin’ Thru” Dolly Parton
- “Scars” Papa Roach
- “Cold” Crossfade
- “The Rejection” Dangeous Muse
- “All That I Am” Rob Thomas
- “Sitting, Waiting, Wishing” Jack Johnson
- “Ms. Jackson” Outkast

One thing you’ll notice is that I don’t listen to a lot of current music. I usually get sick of current music because it’s played so often. I wait awhile, and if I still like a song, I buy it and add it to my iPod.

What do you listen to on your iPod?


kathy

Tonight Rodney surprised me with tickets to see Kathy Griffin this Sunday, where she is performing in Nashville. I love her! How lucky am I?

Should I wait in line and ask her to autograph my chest? No, that’s so lame… my ass? No… my cornea?


reyThis is a public service announcement for Rey of My Secretive Life.

Rey has 2 tickets to see Madonna in New York. Every time he makes plans with someone to go to the concert with him, the plans fall through. And the poor guy doesn’t want to go alone.

Can you blame him? Nobody should go into a stadium full of rabid queens without a buddy. So help a bitch out and let Rey know if you’re interested in going to the concert with him.

You know it’s going to be fun, and Rey is a sweet guy. Just look at this great photo of him.

Plus, I hear he puts out on the first date. Well, that’s what it says on the bathroom wall of the men’s room.

[ Visit Rey's blog ]