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I hate my hair. It’s soft, wimpy hair that has no volume and no depth. But I’ve been working with a very talented stylist to get it just right. We started in November. By Christmas, I had the most awesome hair (in my humble opinion). Even when I got sick on Christmas day and had to go to the hospital, my hair was fabulous. I’ve continued getting it styled every month to keep it trimmed. I also do blonde highlights at home. So on Friday night, I was due for another visit to the stylist. Everything was going great, and I just needed it trimmed. For some crazy ass reason, I thought it would be cool to shave off all my hair and get rid of the blonde. I came home from work and washed it, then took out the clippers and shaved it all off. Rodney helped cut off the back. Then I dyed it brown to get out the lingering blonde highlights. I kind of like it. It doesn’t require any hair products or any maintenance. But when I see photos of myself on my blog, I feel sad and feel like all this time and money has been wasted. Whatever, it’s just hair. Let me go check and make sure I still have my balls
(Burbank, CA) - At approximately 8:00 a.m., Elton John and Pimp Daddy N took hostage of the sign outside NBC Studios. The two men are holding the sign for ransom. Officer Joe Mamma was one of the first men on the scene. Officer Mamma told reporters, “When we tried to approach the suspects, Pimp Daddy N threatened us with a razor. He told us to ‘back away from the sign’ and threatened to manscape everyone if we didn’t cooperate.” The situation is very tense, and officers are still unclear as to what Pimp and Elton want for their ransom. One witness claims to have heard the two discussing something about a lifetime supply of Doritos and Josh Duhamel’s underwear, but this report has not been confirmed. Stay tuned to NBC News for more information as this story develops.
I’ve written 2 different posts for today, but decided not to publish either. Any suggestions on something you’d like to hear about?
When I was a teenager, one of my female friends was taking classes to become a licensed massage therapist. As part of the education, students are required to spend a certain amount of hours practicing on people (duh). So I was at a party, and she really wanted me to be her test subject. She had her table all set-up in the middle of the room, and for some reason I agreed. So I went to the bathroom and took off all my clothes, then wrapped a towel around my lower half. I got on the table, and everyone watched. It was so awkward. While she was rubbing my back, she told me about this muscle in men’s thighs that you can rub to cause an immediate, uncontrollable erection. BAM! She went right for that muscle. How embarrassing. I was in front of all my friends, with a raging hard-on and nothing but a towel on. I have never wanted a massage again. Once is quite enough, thank you
Last night, I watched Saw II. Actually, Rodney started out watching it too, but quickly left the room after about 5 minutes. The Saw movie series is a mixed bag for me. One half of me thinks they are incredibly stupid, while the other is fascinated because they really force me to ask tough questions. The hidden theme of these movies is survival of the fittest. The victims are forced into situations in which they must rely on their natural instincts to stay alive. We all have these instincts. When our lives are threatened, we will do anything to protect ourselves. So this morning I was thinking very hard about this theory. How far would I go to save myself? Do I possess the inner power to make it in the rawest of circumstances? I believe I do. Underneath a calm exterior, I am highly ambitious, highly driven, and very powerful in my own mind. When I got to work, I stopped to say “hello” to one of my co-workers. I admire her very much. I have never told her, but I am secretly impressed by her. I think she is strong, intelligent, and very powerful. But she is calm and gentle on the surface. She told me that she recently had a dream about me. She went on to tell me that we were trapped in a building, in the middle of a crisis. We went into survival mode and started planning our course of action to stay alive. Wow. Let me remind you that she and I have never had a real conversation. We merely pass each other in the halls and say “hello”. So she doesn’t really know anything about me. But of all the people in her life, she dreamt that she was trapped with me. And it seemed that somehow she knew that we both were strong enough to survive a crisis. We both possess those inner instincts. I’m certain I’ve analyzed this way too much. But it’s strange that I was thinking about survival this morning, then I got to work and she had a dream about survival that involved me. We never really know how we’d react. But do you feel like you would do anything to save your life?
I’ve said this before, I was not popular in school. When I was in grade school, we had Candy-Grams on Valentine’s Day. All the kids lined up with quarters and bought little cards that had a heart-shaped sucker attached. They wrote a message and put someone’s name on it. Teachers passed out the Candy-Grams to everyone who had received one. All the boys and girls were excited because they couldn’t wait to see how many friends had sent them one. There I sat alone at my desk, wishing someone would ask me to be their Valentine. But nobody did. Then one year, a lady walked into the classroom with a big, shiny balloon that said “Be My Valentine”. Everyone’s eyes lit up. Who could it be for? The anticipation was so exciting. The lady carrying the balloon walked over and gave it to me. I could hear other kids gasping. Why would anyone send me a balloon? I opened the card and it said “Happy Valentine’s Day! Love, Your Secret Admirer”. I recognized the writing immediately. It was from my Mom. Sensing that I was lonely, like all Mothers do, she had sent the balloon to lift my spirits. The rest of the day, I was so proud. The other kids were jealous, and they had no idea who the balloon was from. I remember walking proudly home from the bus stop, balloon in hand. I came home and gave my Mom a great big hug and kiss. It was the best Valentine’s Day of my childhood. I realize a lot of my readers are single. I also realize a lot of you hate this day. But don’t feel that way, because you’re my friends. I love you, and I’ll be your Valentine xoxoxo, Nathan
Our baby Petey is now 6 months old, and weighs 15 pounds! Actually, his maximum weight is supposed to be 15 pounds, so we’ve been a little too generous with the dog food. Is this a reflection of the type of parents we’ll be? Actually, I encourage Petey to eat. I hate to think of a starving puppy. Yikes! We’re gonna have unhealthy children Anyhoo, here are some photos of me with our soon-to-be-obese puppy. Notice how he has his paws around me in the 2nd pic. When he was a baby, I taught him to hug me. Now he holds onto me that way
This is one of those personality tests that turn out to be surprisingly accurate. Pick your favorite dessert out of the list, and then scroll down to see a description of your personality type. Post a comment and let me know which dessert you chose, and how accurate it was. You can only choose one: - Angel Food Cake . ANGEL FOOD CAKE BROWNIES LEMON MERINGUE VANILLA CAKE WITH CHOCOLATE ICING STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE CHOCOLATE ON CHOCOLATE ICE CREAM CARROT CAKE ——- Well…what did you come up with? Mr. Exposed chose Lemon Meringue… so I guess I’m a sexy, inspiring, air-headed diva
Last week, I published a podcast called “Sticky Cum All-Stars“. The underlying theme of the episode was semen. I asked all 3 of my guests this question: “Why does cum turn into sticky tac when exposed to water?” Everybody knows exactly what I’m talking about. You know you’ve all been jackin’ it in the shower, finished your business, only to be horrified by a glue-like aftermath that gets stuck in your leg hair. Ouch! After hearing the podcast, Michael from Sex Talk Straight & Gay found the answer on Jackinworld.com, and e-mailed it to me. So…are you ready for the big announcement? In order to improve the chance of fertilization in females, a man’s semen becomes sticky when wet so that it has a better chance of impregnating her. By solidifying, portions of the semen will remain inside the woman instead of immediately dripping out. Wow. Were you ready for that information? AND…GET THIS! Dan, the cock-whore that he is, actually guessed the answer on the show! So kudos to you, Dan! You’re a true cum-junkie, and you know your business well.
Get it while it’s hot! I’m sure it will be removed shortly. [ Thanks popbytes ]
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I have an uncommon fear of going to receive a professional massage. Maybe it’s more of a discomfort than a fear. But anyway, here’s my story…
