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Tonight at the office Christmas party, some of my friends at work were telling me how funny they thought this post from Nov. 5th was. So I’m re-posting it for all my newbies to see. I hope you get a laugh out of it —
1. Swirl Top Anal Plug That’s not hot. It might be fun to use the term “drill” when talking about sex, but I don’t think you should be sticking anything up your ass that resembles a drill. Very disturbing.
2. Love Jet I don’t understand the marketing of this thing. They start out by promoting it as a method for cleaning your cock and balls. They say you can hook it up to the faucet. Who is so busy that they clean their dick off in the sink? Don’t you have time for a shower? Suddenly I have visions of male prostitutes hooking this gadget up to sinks in gas stations so they can clean off between clients. Clever, aren’t I? But how do you perform this function? Isn’t it messy? You can’t exactly stand on the floor and spray off your dick. So do you hang your cock and balls over the sink and clean them that way? If you’re a slut on the run, just wet some paper towels and clean your dirty ass off. And as far as douching…I’m sticking to my original statement. If you’re in such bad shape that you need a hose to blast the shit out of your ass, maybe your ass needs a day off.
3. Tender Chickens DVD And who is this guy just hanging out to the left? I don’t think he’s sexy at all. He looks nervous and awkward. He doesn’t have any pants on, but he does have a shirt on in the photo and on the cover. Why be conservative at this point? If you’re getting your ass pounded in the video, why be shy about taking your shirt off? And then there’s the older man to the right. He just looks scary. I definitely think he is into spanking.
4. Smoothie The description clearly says “it’s great for ass to ass grinding”. How many women perform “ass to ass grinding”? Probably zero. So why is a woman selling this product? It’s the fingernails that scare me the most. They belong with that evil drill dildo.
5. Fine Bi Me Who does that? Who says “Oh good! This magazine has women! I was beginning to think it was for gay people. *sigh of relief*” You know these men are in the closet. They think the woman in the middle makes it safe, but they really want to kick her ass to the curb and start fucking like there is no tomorrow.
6. The “Black” Page This guy on the left isn’t putting out tonight, that’s for sure. So you’re going to be left disappointed and need “The Black Hole” to finish the deed. On a sidenote, when did it start mattering what color the fake hole was that you jack off in? Does anybody use a self-masturbating toy and say “Oh, I’m so glad I’m fucking a fake black hole instead of a white one”? Related Posts: 
Hilarious! I can get past everything on the list with a good chuckle, but the swirl top butt plug?!? Yikes. Posted by Steve on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 2:04 am I’ll just stick with the hand I think! THis is just scary. We have a lady wanting us to have a sex-toy party with all our gay friends. SCARY, says me! Posted by Scotty on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 2:18 am My words cannot say it all! Luckily yours had!!! So funny! Posted by (Just another another) Scott on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 2:29 am You hit on one of my pet peeves: Using female models (even hand models) in gay sex catalogs. It really puts me off when they advertise an interesting product and have some woman in pearls and high heels (and the ubiquitous long fingernails) demonstrating it. It shows me that while they want my gay dollar they’re too lazy to actually market it for me. Posted by Scott on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 8:09 am HEY - don’t knock the swirl top until you have tried it. My favorite thing about all of these is the text that goes with it… “let the good times roll” and “use plenty of latex safe lube and hold on tight to the wide grip base” - what the fuck is it - a bucking bronco? Posted by Spider on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 9:54 am Okay. Interesting post. Very funny. I have wondered the same questions and I’ve never understood why they put a bisexual section in a gay mens catalog. At the least, they could put two pages of bi porn and seal them up. And then put a warning, “if you break this seal, you will see women”. Nothing worse than scrolling around gay porn and crossing a girl in the action. That’s just not natural. Posted by Defining David on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 10:00 am My god. I am laughing so hard that I almost pee’d my pants. I ran a post on my blog a month ago with selections from International Male. Some of the clothes in that catalog are TOO much. Here’s the link if anyone wants to check out. Gay marketing never ceases to amaze me. Posted by Dan on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 11:11 am I’ll never be able to wash my hands in a gas station again. But at least I know what that thing is now. Hilarious Posted by Jetboy747 on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 12:28 pm *giggles* naked boys! *giggles* No seriously, that twirler looks deadly. I think I will replace it for my bat underneath my bed! Posted by Kerri on Fri, Dec 2, 2005 @ 3:01 pm funny! Posted by Jared on Sat, Dec 3, 2005 @ 2:42 am HILARIOUS! I won’t be able to order a ’smoothie’ now from Jamba-Juice without thinking of hooker nails. Great POST! And that anal “swirl”…if that came in christmas red and green I’d add them to my Department 56 village setup. Posted by Michael Guy on Sat, Dec 3, 2005 @ 10:58 pm Thanks for the comments guys I’m glad you got a laugh out of it. I should post dirty stuff like this more often. Posted by Nathan on Sun, Dec 4, 2005 @ 9:37 pm Funniest thing I’ve read in a long time! Posted by Noel on Thu, Dec 22, 2005 @ 6:19 am woooh that is just plain wrong! Swirling dildos, and… dare i say it… NAILS!!!! ugh. but the love jet? thats beyond wrong! can you imagine what the people who work for the catalogue think each time someone buys one of those “*giggle* Smelly ass, smelly ass, what are they feeding you? Smelly ass, smelly ass, it’s not your fault” Posted by Max on Mon, Mar 6, 2006 @ 10:28 am The gay porn mag advertisement stuff was laugh out loud hilarious! Points well taken: I leave the site a more enlightened hetero woman…Thankx! By the way, I hate those obnoxious fingernails, too…! Posted by La Loca on Fri, Mar 17, 2006 @ 2:01 pm Leave a comment
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