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My Worst Experience with Homophobia - The Aftermath After the teachers broke up the fight with Caleb, Jack was taken to the principal’s office. It made no sense. Instead of me taking the blame, Jack received it. I went on to my class, wondering what was going on downstairs. Eventually, I was called to the office myself. Everything got sorted out and Jack was in the clear. Not only did the principal suspend Caleb from school, he also suspended ME. Whatever. I considered it self-defense, but apparently I was “the bad guy”. I was overall really happy because I hated school and I considered it a vacation from the abuse. Besides, I got my revenge on that gay basher. Jack Takes the Fall Our school allowed its students to leave campus for lunch, so the next day I decided to meet Jack for lunch. When I pulled up to the parking lot, a few people told me about some rumors. The first rumor was that Caleb was humiliated when he left school that day, and that his face was all messed up. Good, he deserved it. The next rumor was that the group of hillbillies didn’t want to mess with me because I was “dangerous”. So instead, they were targeting Jack and blaming him for the fight. Why was Jack always the fall guy? He kept getting blamed for my actions. I guess it’s easier to pick on someone you think is weak. And they obviously thought Jack was weak at that time. Cornered A few minutes later, Jack still hadn’t come outside. But I had company. Several of the big hillbillies had surrounded my car. They blocked every side of it, so I couldn’t get out and I couldn’t drive off without running over one of them. So I was cornered. And I couldn’t go anywhere without hurting someone. I rolled down my window just a little. They were saying the usual bullshit about me being a fag. But instead of talking about the fight, they were focusing on Jack. They were telling me all about the violent things they were going to do to him. And they had KNIVES. Inside, I was really scared. But I tried to keep my poker face on. As far as they were concerned, I was unbreakable. You cannot let your enemies smell your fear. They got done making their threats and walked away. Don’t Kill My Boyfriend As soon as I was clear, I drove off to find Jack. I came around the corner, but it was too late. There was Jack, surrounded by the bullies. They had knives, but it looked like Jack was talking to them. I think he was actually reasoning with them. What the hell do I do? There’s the man I love, surrounded by knife-wielding idiots. I didn’t have any weapons. I wanted to jump out of the car and protect him. But they could kill me. Again, I was in that same vulnerable mode that I felt in the cafeteria. Again, I was helpless. It looked like Jack had things under control, so my interference would only provoke them to attack. I made the decision to drive around front and get some help. I ran into the principal’s office and got the principal, and we ran back outside. But they were gone. A few minutes later, Jack came inside and we all sat down and discussed what was going on. We were frantic and emotional. Knifes Are Okay in This School After all this drama, you’d think the principal would call the police and have the hillbillies arrested. But nope. Instead, he gave us a long speech about how we are the cause of all this. Because we were gay, we were just calling attention to ourselves and making our lives more difficult. What a lie! I never tried to make my life more difficult. We didn’t even hold hands in public or show affection. Actually, we lied about our relationship and said we were just friends. We lived lives of solitude and privacy. And WE were calling attention to ourselves??? He proceeded to say a little pocket knife is nothing to be afraid of. He said every man should carry one and it’s okay to bring them to school. What damage would a little knife do? I’ll tell you what damage. If somebody stabs your eyeballs out or cuts your throat with a little pocket knife, will it matter then? Or what if they stab you in the front or side, and penetrate an internal organ. Then will it matter? In Closing… The principal did very little to protect us. He “talked” to the hillbillies, but they were never punished for their actions. There was much less physical abuse in the following years, but the verbal abuse continued throughout my years of high school. All the gay bashing of high school really shaped me as an adult. I have a very low tolerance for violence. I have become a very bitter person, but I am growing better each day. I have let go of a lot of the pain. I have learned to be very strong when I need to be. I am much better at dealing with confrontations without getting scared. Someday I hope to volunteer at GLBT support groups here in Nashville. I would like to offer comfort and strength to any gay person who is going through what I went through. I did *try* to volunteer at a support group, but they passed me over. I don’t know why, but I will try again. Never let someone make you afraid to be yourself. It’s the worst feeling to be a prisoner in your own skin. And never let the enemy smell your fear. 
Oh my god, that was very scary. I’ve been lucky for not having to deal with something like this really. I don’t know what to say, Nathan. But I do admire your strength. Posted by Sunshine on Thu, Nov 3, 2005 @ 4:34 pm Wow…I don’t know what else to say…I didn’t come out until way after the High School years but I saw what happened to openly gay boy and I was scared for them AND for me that someone would find out MY secret. Posted by Scotty on Thu, Nov 3, 2005 @ 11:19 pm thanks for your story nathan. i was beaten until blood pissed from my ear for holding hands with my boyfriend and telling the biggots to fuck off when they harrassed us. I know what you are saying. Your story took me right back there. Glad I’m in a better place now. still a long way to go, huh? Posted by boypony69 on Fri, Nov 4, 2005 @ 8:38 am Boypony - Yep, progress everyday. I’m so sorry to hear of your violent experience with gay bashers. If you feel like sharing your story in depth, I will post it on my blog. That’s up to you, I know how hard it is to re-live a memory like that. Take care Posted by Nathan on Fri, Nov 4, 2005 @ 9:25 am sure I’m happy to share the story. where should I send it? can you e me and i’ll reply? Posted by boypony69 on Fri, Nov 4, 2005 @ 7:33 pm Scary stuff but I’m glad you got through. I love the ending of this post - just perfect. Take care, CTG Posted by CTG on Fri, Jan 6, 2006 @ 2:42 am Thanks for sharing. Your story is very overwhelming. I guess they are afraid of what they dont know.. Posted by ca va pas la tete on Fri, Jan 20, 2006 @ 1:06 am Wow I am very amazed . I can never imagine how you survived this but I am glad you made the most of this. I am really surprised that the principle didn’t do anything, and I believed that it was completely wrong that he let those people get away. Very cool that you moved on. M Posted by Magnus on Mon, Jan 15, 2007 @ 11:29 pm Leave a comment
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In September, I wrote a post about my worst experience with homophobia. It was from 1998, a very violent time in my life. But the post ended on a positive note with a feeling of accomplishment. Now it’s time for part 2. If you need a refresher, 
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