Nathan Exposed » Case of the Ex

Case of the Ex

Last night, I was talking to a friend about the break-up with his girlfriend. He was really in love with her, and planned to marry her. Things didn’t work out. When he was telling me about his girlfriend’s behavior, I suddenly realized how much she acted like an ex of mine from over 7 years ago. Even the way they broke up was somewhat like my past situation (minus the gay stuff).

My first relationship was a long distance one that started in summer 1997. We He had a lot of issues. He was in denial about being gay. Sometimes everything was great, other times he would back away from me, ignore my phone calls and e-mails. He always told me I deserved better. He was right, I did.

We “broke up” many times but the worst time was Christmas 1997. Yes, the asshole broke up with me at Christmas. And that is when I came out to my parents (I was 16 at the time). I thought I had a partner in this world to help me through the hard times, but he abandoned me when I needed him.

In January 1998, I started a new relationship, and 6 months later he tried getting in touch with me. I had a website with a guestbook (those were cool back in 1998) and he made an anonymous post to me. But I knew it was him because I saw the I.P. address in my guestbook and again in a friend’s guestbook, where he used his name.

After all he put me through, I was pissed that he was trying to get back in my life through my friends. Deion was completely in the closet. He was scared to death of his Mom knowing he was gay. She hated gay people, and hated white people. This was a double whammy. I threatened to “out” him if he didn’t leave me alone.

At one point, he even found a chat room and got acquainted with this guy who knew me. Deion was telling him all about our personal relationship, and it got back to me. I was angry that he was spreading our personal business.

Yes, I know this is all very childish. Remember we were younger then. I wrote him this scathing e-mail to warn him that I was on to his games, and I wanted it stopped before it went any further.

I felt like sharing this e-mail that I wrote to him. I have never shown it to another person, and I have edited parts, because it was really personal.

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June 3, 1998

Deion,

Consider this email official warning to stop this bullshit before it even starts. I know all about your little games with Will and the way
you’re trying to crawl back on to my good side. I suppose you think the guestbook entry was a nice touch, huh?

I know it was you who signed it, the IP number traces to the same computer you used to sign Will’s guestbook. Don’t play games with me.

Let me add that I don’t appreciate you spreading rumors about me and telling people I’m gay. It was a lucky break meeting that guy in a chat room, but just remember that when it all comes down to it, you’re worried about your family finding out you’re gay. I suppose you’re still too weak to face the fact that you’re gay.

It’s amazing that you spent 6 months trying to get rid of me and now after 6 more months you’re still trying to get back in my life. It’s been a year and it’s gotten you nowhere. You always told me to move on and that I could find someone better…I am happy to say I have found someone better…even more, I am happy. I couldn’t say that with you. Every week you changed your mind.

You’re wrong 99% of the time, but the one thing you said to me that will always be true is that “I deserve someone better.” You were right about that, I do deserve someone better.

I wish you a lifetime of suffering and heartache. You will get what you deserve as you grow old and lonely, realizing how shitty you were. I hope the guilt eats you into insanity. You deserve every bit of pain that you made me feel. It will all come back to you slowly. If you think I’m joking, it’s okay. You’ll see.

Goodbye
Nathan