In Memoriam of My Right Nut

Aug 12, 2016 / Filed in Humor / 0 Comments


Dear right testicle,

Today is the one year anniversary since we said goodbye. I’ve thought about you often, and sometimes feel like you’re still here with me. It’s bittersweet to think of the time we had together. You looked so perky and perfect next to my left one. I really felt you two belonged together.

But now you’re gone, and sometimes when I search for you, I’m startled to find just a lone uniball in a sagging sack. There’s an empty space in me since you went away. Why, oh why, did you betray me? You grew that awful tumor, putting my whole body at risk, just because you felt the need to show off and grow twice your size to put your partner to shame.

Still, despite the ways you hurt me, I will remember you fondly and feel sad that you’re gone. I guess that’s how it is with love sometimes. And I did love you. I really did.

Now all I can do is hope that my left testicle treats me better than you have, and won’t betray me. For if he abandons me too, a part of me will never be able to stand tall again.

Rest in peace, you mean little bastard.

Sincerely yours,


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About Nathan

I'm a happily married gay man, writing about my life as a new father and sharing our adventures with a side of snark.
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