I decided to write a letter to Mrs. Madrigal, the fictional character from the Tales of the City series by Armistead Maupin. I associate her with warmth, wisdom, and comfort, living in my favorite city in the world. It makes me happy to imagine her reading this, and it actually helped to write this letter. Even though Mrs. Madrigal may not be real, she is always alive in my heart.
Dear Mrs. Madrigal,
I’ve been upset about the news I received today because it wasn’t what I was hoping for. I wanted to hear that everything was okay. I wanted to hear that all my worries were gone. And although the news I received was mostly good—that I’m cancer-free, it still feels like I have to hold my breath as we wait for my three month test to see if any signs show that it’s spread to my lymph nodes. Three months feels like a very long time.
I know I haven’t had the best attitude about this. I know that bigger things are happening to other people, and people endure worse fates every day. But this is the biggest thing that’s happened to me, and that’s where all the fear, sadness, and anger comes from. I can only feel to the extent of my own experience, and I’m doing my very best to understand all these changes. It feels bigger than I am, and so far beyond my control. I just hate it.
But I am trying to be brave, and strong, and happy, because I know that’s what you’d want me to be. And as soon as I get the chance, I’m going to come to San Francisco to see you again.
I am looking forward to living in California and I can’t wait to live in our new house. I think you’ll like it. It’s a Spanish Ranch style, with a Tuscan yellow stucco exterior. I love it because it’s just so ridiculously Californian, and so different from the traditional middle-America brick house we have now.
We never saw ourselves as the type to live in a Ranch house. We’ve preferred having the division of two stories. But this one is different. It’s a very smart layout, with plenty of privacy for guests on the opposite side of the house. As soon as we saw it, we fell in love and knew it was meant to be our new home.
There’s a park across the street with a bike trail right by our house. No cars to worry about. It’s great because I hate walking in our neighborhood now, right by such a busy road. I get nervous about a driver going up onto the sidewalk, especially after what I witnessed that time a few years ago. I probably would have died that day if I hadn’t crossed the street when I did. So I’m glad that with our new home, there will be a safe place for us to walk with our son and our dog nearby.
I feel better thinking about these things, and imagining the life that waits for us there. Maybe I’ll feel better after we move. It won’t be much longer.
And I’ll feel better when I go to San Francisco again and stop by Barbary Lane. It’s going to be quite a workout climbing the streets of Russian Hill, especially with a stroller! But I’m ready for the challenge. I have to wait six weeks to heal before doing anything strenuous, and I’m so ready to get out and be active again.
Thank you for listening, Mrs. Madrigal. See you soon.