Married, For Real-Reals

Dec 9, 2013 / Filed in Daniel / 4 Comments

Happy holidays, all! I have so much to tell you…

The first bit of news is that Daniel and I are getting married (again) next month!

We had our wedding ceremony in Tennessee in April, 2011. It was the happiest day of my life. Unfortunately because of Tennessee’s discriminating policies, we were not able to register to make it “official.”

When you’re gay, you kind of trick yourself into believing that’s fine. It has to be, right? It’s just a piece of paper, labels don’t mean anything, blah, blah, blah… It’s the only way to convince yourself to sleep at night.

Well we were so happy when Illinois passed marriage equality because that’s where I grew up, and subsequently where I endured years of bullying while I was a kid. It would be such sweet revenge to go back to my hometown and get married right there. What a way to raise two big middle fingers to society, right?

That was the plan. When the law went into effect in June, 2014, we planned to get our marriage license in Illinois. Since Tennessee doesn’t have state income tax, it really and truly would be a legal marriage because we only file federally. Thanks to the overturn of DOMA, we would be able to file as married. How exciting and affirming to finally be equal! I cringe when I checkmark the “Single” box on my taxes.

As 2014 got closer, I really thought about what that day would look like. I imagined us walking in and filling out that paperwork. The discomfort. The stares and the whispers. Would I cause a scene? Would I tell everyone to go fuck themselves? I imagined what this special occasion would really be. It just didn’t feel right. It didn’t feel like love, and that’s all marriage should be.

I decided San Francisco was the place we should be married. We both love the city by the bay. It’s a place of magic and beauty where anything seems possible. Yes, that is where love is. That is where we should get our marriage license.

For Daniel’s birthday, I surprised him with a wedding proposal written on our flight schedule. Since we already have engagement and wedding rings, I used a ring pop. He loves playing Candy Crush, so it seemed oddly appropriate.

The date is set for next month! We’ll get married in San Francisco, and then have a nice leisurely second honeymoon to celebrate our status as married… again… and this time, it’s as real as it gets. We’re so excited! The new year can’t get here soon enough.

That’s the big announcement. I have some other stories I want to share from the last few months, so that will be my incentive to write again soon!

If you enjoyed this, please share the love!


  • How wonderful. Congrats guys. Very happy for you!

    PS On a less happy note, I think it’s still quite far off for Australia to pass marriage equality laws! We are quite backward like that! :S

    Sunshine (Dec 10, 2013)
    • Thanks, Eddy! And don’t lose hope for Australia! I know it’s a hot topic there, but it sounds like the courts are really fighting it out there. I do think equality will win eventually, even if it’s at a snail’s pace! :)

      Nathan (Dec 11, 2013)
  • Congratulations. Have a wonderful, special and OFFICIAL wedding next month here in the San Francisco and the Bay Area. We were just out to Tennessee to visit my husband’s family.

    Ed (Dec 10, 2013)
    • Thank you very much, Ed! I’m sure SF will be amazing, as usual.

      I hope Tennessee was kind to you guys during your visit. :)

      Nathan (Dec 11, 2013)

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About Nathan

I'm a happily married gay man, self employed as a website designer, writing about my life and the world as I see it.
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