Most people make New Year’s resolutions for themselves. But I’d like to present the 5 following resolutions for other people:
1. Stop saying “Inbox me” on Facebook. You can’t “Inbox” someone. You can send them an e-mail or a message. But the Inbox is a place for storage. It’s not a form of a communication.
2. Let’s all mutually agree that it’s time to retire “YOLO” and move on.
3. “Gangnam Style” is awful and we don’t ever need to talk about it again.
4. John Boehner is just worthless. I wish he’d make a resolution to just quit. Seriously. He’s just a miserable, miserable man who cries like a little bitch, paints himself orange, and says “No” to everything. How did this asshat get reelected? His wife Debbie must have given out a lot of hand jobs yesterday.
5. LeAnn Rimes should make a resolution to shut up and go away. She whored herself out 4 years ago when she had an extramarital affair and she hasn’t stopped talking about it since. We get it. You’re a slut.
That is all for now.
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