Feedback on My Book
A revised version of this chapter is now available. Click here to read the new, improved version.
I’ve been trying to write this book for a few years now. I’m getting to a point where I need to share some content and get honest feedback. It’s very scary to risk getting my feelings hurt, but it’s also a necessary step to improvement.
Here’s what I can say, without ruining the plot. This is common information that will be shared upfront:
The focus of the story is a priest named Father Robert. He has a lot of enemies, primarily because of his church’s controversial “ex-gay” program. He will eventually be murdered, and that’s not a secret. The book will explore his enemies, the death threats he receives regularly, and narrow things down to pinning the murderer and the motive.
It’s imperative that you hate Robert. His actions and beliefs should stir up anger. But no villain is completely bad. He’s still human, and even if he’s wrong, he needs to be interesting enough for you to want to keep reading. I’m walking the thin line of making sure you don’t like him, but aren’t so turned off by him that you abandon the story.
Here are some specific questions I’d like you to answer:
1) How did you feel about the main character, Father Robert, so far? This is the first chapter that introduces him.
2) Is there anything about the storyline that hits a raw nerve with you? Something you related to?
3) Are you curious enough to continue reading the next chapter?
4) Are there any details you wish were elaborated on?
5) Did anything bore you?
Please be as honest as possible and leave your feedback in the comments. Thank you for your help!
• • •
“Here’s your mail, Father. Have a nice Labor Day weekend.”
Mary Anne dropped the pile at the edge of the desk and hurried toward the front door of the rectory office.
Robert looked up from his monitor, surprised by his office assistant’s abrupt exit.
“Wait a minute, don’t you want your paycheck?”
“Oh, yes.” She walked toward him, looking down at the multi-hued brown ’70s carpeting to avoid eye contact. “Th-thank you,” she stuttered.
“Mary Anne, is there something you’d like to tell me?” His gaze was strong, forceful, yet sympathetic.
She walked back over to his desk and her lips began to tremble. Tears rolled down her plump freckled cheeks.
“Please sit down.”
The old, rickety chair in front of his desk creaked as she squeezed her full figure into it, trying to get comfortable.
“It’s about my son… Justin. He says he’s… He’s… Homosexual.”
Robert’s facial expression remained unchanged. His elbows were resting on his desk, hands together in the shape of a steeple in front of his mouth as he listened thoughtfully.
“How old is Justin now? 15?”
“He turned 16 last month. And a few days ago, I came home and found him in bed with his friend Caleb. They were naked. Justin says they’re in love. I don’t know what to do. I don’t want my boy to burn in Hell.”
“I understand your concerns. Well, the Catholic Church doesn’t necessarily believe it’s a sin to be homosexual, Mary Anne. God loves all of us and we’re all susceptible to temptations. Just forget those visions of his soul burning for all eternity because it’s not too late for him. If Justin chooses a life of celibacy, he can still grow up to be a happy, well adjusted homosexual.”
“But he says he is happy. He says he deserves to experience love just like any other human. And I don’t know what to say to that.”
“Of course he’s happy. Alcoholics are happy too, but that doesn’t mean what they’re doing is right. Drug addicts, thieves, child molesters. They all enjoy what they do”
Mary Anne was silent for a minute. She pulled a wadded up tissue out of her salmon colored capri pants and carefully blotted her cheeks, trying not to smear her pale pink blush.
“Do you think you can help him, Father Robert?” Her crystal blue eyes looked bloodshot and tired.
“I can certainly try.” He leaned forward to hold her hands across the desk. “I’m sure you know about our ex-gay program here at St. Anthony’s.”
“Yeah, I’m the one who brings you the hate mail, remember?”
Robert looked away, as if acknowledging the hate mail hurt him somehow. Then he composed himself, smiled weakly, and turned back to face her.
“It’s been controversial and a lot of people are unhappy about it. We’ve just finished our first year with the program and we’ve seen some real progress with our participants. It’s completely private and we only see people for individual sessions. Nobody gets to know who else is in the program and we schedule the appointments with 30 minutes in between to ensure that nobody crosses paths coming or going.”
“What exactly happens during the sessions?”
“We just talk. The first step is accepting that he has a problem. He’ll have to come to terms with that in order to be successful. Once he does, we’ll start working on alternatives for his lifestyle. Interests and hobbies to keep him out of trouble. The important thing is to always give him free will. He must make the decisions himself in order to truly live a decent life.”
“Let me talk it over with my husband Bill and see what he thinks. Then we’ll talk to Justin. It really makes me feel better to know that there’s hope. I’ve hardly slept at all these past few nights. And we haven’t told anyone. This secret has been eating us up inside.”
“Mary Anne, if I may… Just remember that it’s eating away at Justin too. And this didn’t just happen all at once. He’s probably been struggling with these feelings for several years, and judging by the fact that he says he’s in love with this other boy… Well, just know this is hard for everyone. But we’ll get through this. With God, all things are possible.”
Robert squeezed her hand for extra reassurance. The sunlight shined through the ratty old plastic blinds, lighting up his brown eyes with a star-like brilliance. Tiny expression lines surrounded them when he smiled and lent an extra bit of wisdom and comfort to what he was saying.
“Thank you, Father. I’ll see you next Monday for work and I’ll let you know what we’ve decided.”
“Ah, remember we’ll be closed for Labor Day. But I’ll see you next Tuesday and will look forward to hearing the outcome. In the mean time, pray to the Lord and know He’s always there for you.”
She nodded and got up from the chair, gathered her large leopard print purse, which rattled from all the junk inside it, and walked out the front door.
Robert turned his attention to the pile of unopened mail at the end of the desk. He sorted through ads about Labor Day sales on furniture, cars, electronics. Finally he came across a typed envelope addressed to him personally. There was no return address but the postmark confirmed it had been mailed locally in the city of Nashville.
He opened it up to find a piece of paper folded in three halves. When he pulled it out, a condom fell on his desk, covered in streaks of a brown substance that appeared to be feces. A milky white liquid had dripped from it onto his keyboard.
Robert gagged and turned away in disgust.
Did you like this article? If so, please share it.
Hey Nathan, sorry but I didn’t feel anger towards Robert at all. He was far too compassionate and understanding towards Mary Anne’s dilemma. All the talk about Justin getting some interests and hobbies to stop him thinking about it made him sound like he was going to join the scouts. Such fun!
I may not agree with fr Robert”s views but I can understand them as a catholic priest but he isn’t advocating EST or anything’ he just seems to be trying to reassure catholic parents. Isn’t that the job of the priest?
He seems hurt by hate mail and respects the anonymity of the people who are seeing him.
Right now I would be sorry to see him murdered
Also one thing that slightly irked me, it’s a big coincidence that the woman who helps him in the ex gay project now has a gay son, could she not just be a member of the congregation who is asking for advice?
James
Thanks so much for the feedback, James! There were a couple of plot points that were misunderstood. For example, Mary Anne just does part-time office work and isn’t actually part of the ex-gay program.
However, the fact that it didn’t come across clearly to a reader tells me that I need to develop out more of the details and reconsider how I introduce the dialogue. When Daniel read it, he was also a bit unclear of Mary Anne’s role. So it just means I need to work on it.
Your feedback has helped greatly! Thanks so much for taking the time to read the chapter and share your opinion of it.
Enjoyed the excerpt. From reading the short passage, I do not hate Fr Rbt. However, I feel a sense of hidden moral corruptness in him. At the same time I want to proven wrong and give Fr. Rbt. a chance of being genuine and sincere, although wrong. Might have a lot to do with my own dislike for such programs in general. I almost feel the story needs to pick up pace a bit more. While I appreciate the details – 70′s carpet and, sunlight through the blinds, rattle of the leopard print purse – I cannot wait to see how Fr. Rbt.’s story unfolds!
Congratulations on your effort and Keep up the good work!
Thank you very much for taking the time to read the chapter and share your comments, Avi! I’m about to publish the revised chapter and I hope you’ll consider giving your input on that as well.
Thanks a lot!