New Chapter: Drowning
Below is another chapter from the book I’m working on. You can also read the previous chapter, Lead Us Not Into Temptation. Please provide any feedback or insights in the comments. I’d love to hear what you thought of the characters and storyline! Thanks.
DROWNING
Daylight was bursting through the windows of Brad’s bedroom, creating a slow rising heat. He tossed and turned as he dreamed. The mysterious vision of water and the breathless feeling of drowning was consuming him. He’d had this dream before but he didn’t know where he was.
Brad was intensely afraid of any water that was higher than his waist. It had been that way ever since he was a child, when he was pushed into the deep end of a pool. Now at age 27, he still grappled with paralyzing fear.
“Help me, please! Can’t anybody hear me?” He choked on his words, trying to break free of the nightmare. At some point he always realized he was asleep, but it was a struggle to shout the words out loud to wake himself up. Finally he succeeded in a slurred call for help.
Revised Chapter: Lead Us Not Into Temptation
Thank you for the feedback on the opening chapter of my book. I’ve talked with a group of people about it and also done some editing over the past few days. I believe this new version of the chapter is an improvement.
I was surprised to learn that everyone who read the chapter kind of liked Father Robert. (I wanted you to hate him.) They disagreed with his beliefs, but they still wanted to learn more about him.
Charismatic is a word that might describe him. But I’m happy with this feedback and have decided to run with it. Maybe if you like him, you’ll feel sad when he dies. The important thing is that you felt something. This tells me I’ve created a multi-dimensional character that you believe is real. Exciting!
Here’s the new version. Again, please tell me your thoughts on it. Thank you!
1
LEAD US NOT INTO TEMPTATION
The phone rang, breaking the quiet tranquility on a Thursday morning. Father Robert was planning the church readings for the month ahead.
“St. Anthony’s Church, how can I help you?”
“Do you believe in God?” asked the raspy voiced man on the other end.
“Excuse me?”
“God. Do you believe in God?”
“Of course I do. What a ridiculous question.”
“I’m glad you believe in God, Father Robert. You’re gonna meet him when I gut you like a fish.” The caller started laughing. The sound was thick and rocky, like a heavy smoker. “In fact, I’m gonna stick a knife in your chest and rip out your heart like you ripped out mine.”
Feedback on My Book
A revised version of this chapter is now available. Click here to read the new, improved version.
I’ve been trying to write this book for a few years now. I’m getting to a point where I need to share some content and get honest feedback. It’s very scary to risk getting my feelings hurt, but it’s also a necessary step to improvement.
Here’s what I can say, without ruining the plot. This is common information that will be shared upfront:
The focus of the story is a priest named Father Robert. He has a lot of enemies, primarily because of his church’s controversial “ex-gay” program. He will eventually be murdered, and that’s not a secret. The book will explore his enemies, the death threats he receives regularly, and narrow things down to pinning the murderer and the motive.
It’s imperative that you hate Robert. His actions and beliefs should stir up anger. But no villain is completely bad. He’s still human, and even if he’s wrong, he needs to be interesting enough for you to want to keep reading. I’m walking the thin line of making sure you don’t like him, but aren’t so turned off by him that you abandon the story.
Here are some specific questions I’d like you to answer:
1) How did you feel about the main character, Father Robert, so far? This is the first chapter that introduces him.
2) Is there anything about the storyline that hits a raw nerve with you? Something you related to?
3) Are you curious enough to continue reading the next chapter?
4) Are there any details you wish were elaborated on?
5) Did anything bore you?
Please be as honest as possible and leave your feedback in the comments. Thank you for your help!
• • •
“Here’s your mail, Father. Have a nice Labor Day weekend.”
Mary Anne dropped the pile at the edge of the desk and hurried toward the front door of the rectory office.
Robert looked up from his monitor, surprised by his office assistant’s abrupt exit.
“Wait a minute, don’t you want your paycheck?”
“Oh, yes.” She walked toward him, looking down at the multi-hued brown ’70s carpeting to avoid eye contact. “Th-thank you,” she stuttered.
“Mary Anne, is there something you’d like to tell me?” His gaze was strong, forceful, yet sympathetic.
She walked back over to his desk and her lips began to tremble. Tears rolled down her plump freckled cheeks.
Goodbye, Magoo
A few weeks ago, I turned to Daniel and said, “I’m afraid Magoo is going to die young.”
“What makes you think that?” he asked.
“Well, she’s 8 years old and she doesn’t really do much. She’s never done much. She just eats, sleeps, and poops and doesn’t really get much exercise.”
Magoo had always been like that. She was a shy cat, kind of a loner. Everything made her nervous and she wasn’t very interactive. Since her food was located just a room away from the litter box, and right next to my office, where she usually slept, there really wasn’t much incentive for her to go anywhere else in the house. So day after day, she just circled the same area of our home. Occasionally she’d make the trip upstairs to bathe in the warm glow of the sunlight. She loved a sunny day.
Confessions of a D-List Blogger
I sat starting at my computer screen, thinking about my goals for the day. That’s when I was reminded of the way writing on my blog used to be a daily habit for me. Whatever happened to those days?
2006 is a year that comes to mind. A lot of bad things happened in my personal life that year. But a good dose of drama always equals a good dose of blogging material, and that year in particular was filled with many ups and downs.
I guess you could say that 2006 was a year I reached A-List status in the blogging world. Well, to be specific, it was just the gay blogging world. Okay, and to be even more specific, it was probably more like B-List or C-List. But hey, I was mildly popular, and that was very exciting. There were even a few times that I was at parties and somebody would recognize me.
“Aren’t you Nathan Exposed?” they’d ask, as if that was a first and last name.
I smiled proudly. “Why yes I am.” Then I’d throw my hand in the air and say, “Please no autographs people.” I was joking, of course. But it was fun and it provided a bright spot during some dark times.
Over the years, I realized how sharply critical total strangers could be. It made me withdraw and my posts slowly became less personal and less detailed. Every once in awhile, I’d provide some deep insight into who I was. But all in all, it was downhill after that and I don’t think I was ever a gay blog celebrity again.
My life is really good now, with the exception of a couple of painful events that took place recently. I plan to share them someday, but not now. Not yet.
And life has been good for awhile and I have no plans to change that. I guess happiness is less interesting to blog about. Who doesn’t love some juicy pain and suffering? We claim we don’t like drama, but as human beings, we all secretly do.
I just felt like writing this to say I’m still here. Someday I hope to be A-List. I’ll settle for B-List or C-List once again. But I want it to happen without pain or suffering this time. I’d like to be remembered as someone who had something good to say. Something kind, something thoughtful. And hopefully there will be some gem of wisdom that inspires others.
