Two Daddies
It was clear from the start that family was very important to us.
When Daniel and I met, one of the first things we bonded about was the need to be fathers. I had a very specific goal that I’d decided on and I was committed to it. When Daniel came into the picture, it was crucial that he be on board with it.
Within the next year, I intend to get started in a foster program. I’ve researched and explored it, and personally feel it’s a good fit for me. I’m aware that there are many challenges in working with foster children, but I believe I’m built for it. Specifically, I thought I would be good with young adolescents.
Daniel supports this and knows that in order for us to have a future, it would mean he would be involved in the foster parenting too. I don’t think there has ever been any hesitation about that on his part.
A little inspiration from CNN
Last night, we watched a report from the “In America” series called “Gary and Tony Have a Baby.” It was a great program and I highly recommend catching the reruns of it this weekend if you didn’t see it! Basically it covered the journey for two gay men who wanted to have a baby.
By the end of the program, Daniel was crying. I held him in my arms and told him how much I look forward to us being fathers together. A smile came across his beautiful face. I love the way he looks at me, especially in private moments that we share like this one. It makes us both happy to know we really want the same things out of life.
The deeper discussion
I knew the show we’d watched on CNN would create a conversation later. I predicted it would happen before bed and would probably involve my plans to start with a teenager rather than raising a newborn baby, as they had in the show.
Sure enough, before bed, we did talk. Daniel questioned why I didn’t want to adopt a younger child and explained that he thought it would be better. I got mildly defensive because I felt the things I wanted were being compromised. I’d already planned it all out in my head and here someone else was coming and trying to suggest something else.
Funny how we get so protective of our own ideas, isn’t it? I finally caught myself and took a breath, then asked, “What is your ideal scenario for having children?”
This was important and here’s why… All along, I’d been talking about my plans, my wants, my needs. I’d never once stopped to ask Daniel what he wanted out of this. Further, it was important for me to let my guard down a little and consider his feelings too.
Daniel’s version of a family
Once I opened the door, Daniel began to explain why he wanted a baby. He said that if we raised a teenager together, we’d missed out on an important bonding experience for us. He felt we’d bypass all the stages of growing together as a family and working with a child to instill our own values. He also thought it was an experience that would strengthen us as a couple, and was sad at the thought of losing that opportunity.
I had never thought of it that way. I guess I had been looking at things from a technical standpoint, and he was coming from a more emotional view. But I loved it. It softened me up and I began to like the concept of growing together as a family.
I jumped from being defensive to being loving. I pulled Daniel into my arms and he put his head against my chest. I kissed him and told him that I would keep an open mind to different age ranges. At this particular moment, I felt we were even closer than we’d ever been before.
But there’s one catch…
I told Daniel that I’d still like to explore foster parenting next year, even if it were just short term. We don’t necessarily have to adopt one of the foster children and we can explore other avenues together in the long run. We can also look into adopting a newborn or infant. But with all of that said, I do still want to have the experience of foster parenting with an older kid. He agreed that my request was reasonable, and said he would be onboard with it.
Overall, I think we’re working together to plan outcomes that are satisfactory and fulfilling for both of us. I’ve found that he and I always seem to find a plan that makes us both happy.
Gay Pride
I love this pic of us together at Pride last Saturday. Despite the 100 degree heat, we had a great day. 
Foreskin Follow-up
Can a foreskin take the place of lube during anal sex?
I recently talked with several uncircumcised gay men to find out more about a theory I’d always had. My theory turned out to be untrue, but I wanted to follow-up with my findings.
It seems like men who are circumcised prefer using some type of lubricant when they get off. But uncircumcised men don’t seem to need it because their skin provides the gliding sensation needed to bring them to orgasm. With this in mind, I wondered if the same rules applied when they had anal sex with another man.
In order to figure this out, I had to refer only to sex that didn’t involve a condom. Now please don’t misunderstand. I always encourage safe sex and think a condom is a necessity. But there are cases, such as a monogamous couple in which both partners have been tested, that might not choose to wear a condom anymore. That’s all a separate subject; my research only related to anal sex without a condom, in which the penetrative partner (the “top”) was uncut.
So my theory was that the foreskin provided enough movement to replace the need for lube. Hey, it was just a hunch. I was also factoring in pre-cum because I thought the pre-cum would work with the foreskin to provide a very slippery experience.
One problem was that most of the men I interviewed said they don’t produce much pre-cum, if any at all. One man noted that if he did produce it, he could easily have anal sex without lube. Another man felt much more opposite, saying that he would never have anal sex without lube, even if he did have a lot of pre-cum to work with.
So why does it matter?
Sex between a man and a woman is easy to explain. A woman’s vagina produces lubrication so that a man’s penis can be inserted. Some straight couples do still prefer to use a lubricant and some women even suffer from dryness, which requires them to use a lubricant. But in the general scope, a man and woman have their own tools for sex built right into their bodies.
This made me wonder about sex between two men. First of all, men have a prostate gland and thousands of nerve endings inside that bring them pleasure. So I do believe that men are built for anal sex. It’s quite fascinating if you really think about it. If you look past the lines of gay or straight, all men come equipped with the capacity to receive pleasure that way.
But if they have the ability to receive that pleasure, where does the lubrication process come into play? That’s where I first began wondering about a foreskin mixed with pre-cum as the solution.
Another theory of mine involves smegma. Now that’s a really touchy subject! Smegma is largely viewed as a dirty, unsanitary thing. But medically speaking, it’s actually very healthy for the penis. So I have wondered if smegma would help lubricate in any way. That would require more research too. I don’t have smegma and have never even seen it in person, so I don’t know much about it.
What it all comes down to is that somehow, someway, I believe there is a process for two men to comfortably have anal sex without the use of artificial lubricants. The “how” is still a question mark for me.
And on the topic of foreskins…
I am very much against circumcising infants. Every penis of every male born has a foreskin, and always has, since the beginning of mankind. Obviously it serves a very important purpose. If a male wants to be circumcised as an adult, obviously that is is his choice. I just think making the choice for someone when they are a newborn baby is messed up.
I’ve been working on restoring my foreskin since 2008. My progress has been a bit slow because I am not diligent about keeping up with my routines. But I have discussed this frequently in my archives. You can see the Foreskin category for older posts about it.
More posts on this topic will come in the future.
Meet the Parents, Part 2
Last month, I met Daniel’s family, and this month was his turn.
Daniel went with me to see my parents in Illinois. Everything went very well. But he gets extra bonus points for bringing my Mom flowers. Awww…
When he told me he was going to do that, I loved him in an even deeper way. I think that says a lot about him.
Wow, and I guess that’s the story. Shorter than I thought, but a very good trip.
Questions For Uncut Readers
I’m working on some research for my blog and I wanted to know if any uncut readers out there could answer some questions about your experience with anal sex? In order to participate, I’ll be asking you questions as the “top” (penetrative partner).
If interested, please comment below. Your e-mail address will not be made public. Thanks!
(UPDATE) Thanks for the response everyone. The research has ended. Here is the post with my follow-up.
Sopapilla Recipe (Mexican Cheesecake)
Just imagine it…
Warm, gooey cream cheese, vanilla, and sugar, baked between two layers of crescent crust, topped with butter and cinnamon, then finished off with honey. The aroma of it, fresh out of the oven. Mmmm….
Last Thanksgiving was when I first discovered Sopapilla Cheesecake, a recipe of Mexican origin. My Mom served it to the family instead of Pumpkin Pie. Messing with tradition is always a risk, but this amazing dessert was a huge hit!
Then last month, I made the recipe for a party. It was my shining moment. I was sitting outside when I heard a group of people behind me going on and on about how amazing the Sopapilla was. Then I heard them curiously trying to figure out who made it. That’s when I turned around and smiled and told them I had. There were about a dozen different desserts to choose from that night, and mine was the first one to go. I was so proud when I saw the pan completely empty. For the rest of the evening, people came up to me and asked about the recipe.
So now, my dear readers, I bestow this recipe on to you. It’s very easy to make, and a guaranteed crowd pleaser.
Ingredients:
16 oz. cream cheese softened
1 cup sugar
1 tsp. vanilla
2 8 oz. cans of crescent rolls (refrigerated)
1 stick of butter softened (equal to 1/2 cup or 8 tbsp.)
3/4 cup sugar
1 tsp. cinnamon
Honey
Directions:
1. Preheat oven on 350 degrees
2. Spread out the first cresent roll on a 9×13 pan
3. Mix cream cheese, 1 cup sugar, and vanilla, then spread it on top of the first crescent roll, all the way to the edges
4. Carefully unroll the second crescent roll over the top of the mix in the pan
5. Mix together butter, 3/4 cup sugar, and cinnamon. Spread it over the top but don’t oversaturate.
6. Bake for 30-35 mins. or until crust is golden brown.
7. Drizzle honey over the top and enjoy!
Nathan’s Activia Challenge
This video is a joke. Have a sense of humor and enjoy.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CCxSilOqZc4
The Reunion
My high school reunion is coming up… And I’m torn…
High school sucked for me. I wish I could say something positive, but it really was a terrible experience. I was openly gay, socially awkward, and very shy. What a great way to attract the attention of bullies.
10 years have passed… a whole decade. I’ve grown up, evolved, and am much more comfortable with myself. I’ve handled so much in life. Surely I can handle a room full of people that I hate, right?
For years, I’ve said there was no way I’d attend the reunion. Somewhere along the way, I got a burst of optimism and decided it would be fun. So I was finally in.
But now that it’s just a few months away, I am once again second guessing everything. I don’t like these people. I don’t want to be around them. I’m not scared or intimidated anymore. I just don’t particularly feel like wasting my time with them.
The truth is that I live in a bubble. All of my friends are gay, I only go to gay-friendly neighborhoods, restaurants, parties, etc. It is very rare that I have to deal with homophobia, or even be reminded that it exists. Going to this social gathering would burst that bubble, and I don’t want that.
Surely there are other gay readers out there who have dealt with this. How did you feel about it? Does it bring closure to bad memories or does it just remind you that awful people are out there?
The Vagina Strikes Again!
There is so much fun to be had when you’re people watching.
Daniel and I were sitting outside a restaurant, eating sandwiches, when I noticed this woman walking up who had on a one piece dress. What’s the name? They look like nightgowns. Anyway, a strong breeze came along and pressed that dress right up against her. I could see every detail of her vagina, right down to the pubic hair, and I pointed it out to Daniel.
“Hey, look who’s rockin’ out the camel toe today!” I said to him. Then he looked over and we both had a giggle like school boys.
Just then, I looked over and saw this straight couple coming out of the restaurant. The man held the door open because he saw the woman in the “nightgown” strutting up the sidewalk. I turned to Daniel and said, “You know he’s going to check her out in front of his girlfriend, right?”
Sure enough, he did. His eyes went right for her ass and his girlfriend saw the whole thing. So then the girlfriend smacked him on the back of the head and we just burst out laughing. Daniel looked at the girlfriend and gave her the thumbs up as the boyfriend walked forward in shame.
Busted! I love watching human nature play out.
