Meet the Parents
“The most powerful weapon in a relationship is having your boyfriend’s Mom on your side.”
That was a quote from one of Daniel’s friends, and I humbly agree.
So… Daniel sings in a gay/gay-friendly choir and their spring concert was this past weekend. I got to meet his parents and some of their closest family friends.
The checklist was constantly rotating in my head:
- Do not tell dick jokes
- Do not make Jesus jokes
- Do not swear
- Do not leave bite marks on Daniel’s neck
At first, I was quiet. I’m always quiet when I meet people. I’m not shy, I’m just observant. If I’m talking, that means they’re not. And if they’re not talking, how can I figure them out?
Figuring people out is a constant obsession of mine.
It all went smoothly, and once I’d warmed up, I had a good sense of them. I knew his Mother loves FarmVille on Facebook, so I made witty banter about cows and chickens, and how people get hardcore if you don’t harvest your crops daily. I noticed his Father was trying to figure out a new video camera he’d just purchased, so I listened as he showed off all the cool features and let him educate me on the different types of memory cards.
Little things… It’s all in the small details.
I think it’s safe to say they like me… And as Daniel’s friend pointed out, it’s all about winning over Mom. If Mom likes me, I’m golden. There is no stronger ally than your boyfriend’s Mother. 
“Like” Me on Facebook
Everybody Has Secrets
As much as I hate them, it’s impossible to avoid them.
Accepting that we all have secrets is a difficult pill to swallow. I’m endlessly curious about everyone, and would like to believe that I know everything about the people I love.
When I find out someone has a secret, I get upset. I realize a person can’t possibly share all their secrets at once. Even if they have the honest intention to tell me everything, it can’t be done overnight.
But the unknown scares me. Getting to know a person takes awhile, and I’m still getting to know Daniel. He’s 43 and I’m 28. With a 15 year age gap between us, it’s just inevitable that he has more history than I do.
So I’m learning new things; some good, some bad. None of them deal breakers. We just have a past. We ALL have a past. We all have things we wish hadn’t happened, and wish they’d go away. But when these secrets get brought to the surface, they can be haunting.
I guess it’s my intense curiosity about human nature that keeps me entertained. But I’m often unprepared for what I’ll discover underneath.
Smack Dat Ass!
Kathy Griffin Does the Bible Belt
“Oh, Kathleen…”
The month of May got off to a fun start with a weekend trip to Knoxville with Daniel. I’d never been to Knoxville but it was just a 3 hour trip from Nashville and I had bought tickets to see Kathy Griffin.
We got into town in late afternoon and I drove around by the theatre she would be performing at… Located on Gay St., of all places. I could already tell we were close because it looked like a pride parade! Gay men and big ol’ burly dykes were browsing the local downtown shops and restaurants next to the theatre. I found a place to park and we walked around, enjoying the weather and looking for a place to eat.
Dinner was amazing at a place called Cafe 4 at Market Square. Everything sounded so good on the menu. We sat outside and people watched until it was time for the show. It was being filmed for Kathy’s next Bravo special, called “Kathy Griffin Does the Bible Belt.” Be sure to watch it on June 6!
Our seats were fairly decent. They were in the middle, and would have been close enough for a comedy show. But we were ambitious and wanted the front row view. So we hunted down two seats that were 6 rows from the stage, right in the center with a clear view of the microphone. Other people piled into the section, with every seat sold out. I got a little nervous, thinking at any minute, someone would show up and boot us out. But amazingly, nobody did!
Kathy was hilarious, as always. This was my third time at her show. I saw her in Nashville in 2006 and 2007. Unfortunately she skipped out 2008 and 2009, but when I found out she was going to be in Knoxville in 2010, I knew I had to go.
The cameras were very close to our seats, so maybe you’ll even see us there! I didn’t get any clear shots of Kathy because the stage lighting was so bright. But here’s one:
Caption This: Ryan Seacrest
“With enough lube, I could take this whole thing…”
Bad Kitteh!
Sooo… cats don’t like water too much, do they?
It all started when I loaded up the cats to take them over to Daniel’s house. They usually travel fairly well. But on this particular night, one of my cats had a little accident on herself. As a result, she needed a bath.
Well, she just wasn’t having that. As soon as she got in the water, she turned my right arm into a scratching post and climbed up it. Yeeeouch!
Oh, but the fun didn’t stop there.
I put her back in the water, because apparently I didn’t learn my lesson the first time. Next came the razor sharp claws tearing through flesh, followed by the outpouring of blood from my hand.
But you know we still finished that bath. I’d already been torn to shreds; I sure as hell wasn’t having a cat running around with dried urine on her.
So that’s the story of my bad kitteh. 
Nathan’s Wet Adventure
Did you hear the one about the city that got so much rain, it became an island?
So, um, yeah… The city of Nashville is flooded and we can’t blame poor levees like New Orleans did. One weekend, Mother Nature just decided to dump about 18 inches of rain on us. Oh, but wait, there’s more…
It started on Saturday morning, May 1st, when tornados ripped through 3 states. Scared the hell of out me, especially after last year, when a tornado demolished a neighborhood down the street from me. But that was just the appetizer. We had no idea what was coming next.
Rain. Lots and lots of rain. By late afternoon, they were shutting down parts of the interstate because they were flooded. By evening, people were forced to flee and by the time we went to bed, I had friends who had completely lost their homes and vehicles.
Sunday morning came and there was a brief break, but then the rain started again, and the flooding got worse. By that point, entire sections of the city were halfway underwater. The force was so strong that buildings were just floating off the foundation. The famous Opryland hotel evacuated 1,500 guests without electricity.
By Monday morning, the rain had finally stopped. The Cumberland River, which flows right through the famous downtown area of Nashville, was 51 feet high and water began spilling into the city streets, shutting everything down.
It’s been quite an adventure here in Tennessee! Thankfully I’m safe and dry in the suburbs. Whew.
