Maybe It’s Time…
… to get some help.
That’s what my best friend said to me on the phone today. I think she’s right.
I am scared… wait… petrified of being cheated on again. 2 different men cheated on me last year, and it has really broken down my sense of trust for others.
The first partner who cheated on me did it because he felt we’d lost our emotional connection after so many years together. It was painful, but in retrospect, wasn’t that shocking. I should have seen it coming. I’ve heard that cheating sometimes has nothing to do with sex at all.
The second partner cheated because I wasn’t a bottom. That really did surprise me because he knew I was a top when we got together. He didn’t indicate that he was dissatisfied with being a bottom. But I learned a lot of things about him being promiscuous after the break-up, so I guess I just have to chalk it up to him being a bad person. I wish it were more profound, but I don’t think it is. Even if I had bottomed for him, I get the impression he still likes to play games.
It will take some time to build up my trust again. I realize that anyone can cheat at any time. I could be together with someone 20 years, and things could still fall apart. I wish I had an insurance policy to avoid being cheated on, but I guess that’s just the risk we take when we date others.
All I know is that fear consumes me. I have spells where I feel unlovable. This is going to require some time and work to regain my confidence. But I really do need some help.
Admitting it is the first step.
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You know what, Nathan, regardless of how valid the reason behind someone cheating is, my view is the act is inexcusable. When someone is in a relationship, the least they owe their partner is faithfulness, if that is the essence that defines the relationship. No matter which way you look at it, breaking a promise/commitment is a lapse of integrity.
I guess what I am trying to say is – it wasn’t your fault. By cheating, these guys have already taken something from you. Don’t let them do it again by making you feel fearful or unlovable – those feelings are quite simply not facts.
xxoo
Nathan, search for the Following You Tube video:
Martina McBride – Anyway
Part of your answer you are searching for is right in the lyrics of this song …
Date a bisexual, it has done wonders for me
Just kidding, I do think that there is still people out there who won´t cheat. Although, I also do think the most people are drawn to it. Have you ever tried to find somebody outside clubs and discos? Maybe through close friends or family? I believe that´s the best way to find somebody.
You know, I’ve been reading your archives on here, and I wish there were more men out there demanding monogamy like you – then I wouldn’t feel so weird doing it myself!
My current BF gives me a lotta queer theory stuff about non-heteronormativity that sounds OK to me in theory but sucks (no pun intended) in practice.
Hey Nathan,
Started a new relationship advice blog in December. I will start posting frequently this week.
You and I have conversed before but if you have any specific questions please e-mail me at sterl0601@gmail.com
Ooops forgot to give the address for the relationship blog:
http://loveinend.blogspot.com/
No self promotion here, just want to help.
I’m really proud of you, sweetie, for sharing this with your readers. I hope the helpful comments continue…