The Church Post
I often think about religion, spirituality, God, and how it all relates to my life.
One of my complaints about Christianity is the fear of asking questions. I have a lot of questions and I am a very inquisitive person. Did a man really die on a cross and rise up again? Wouldn’t that make him a zombie? And why are there so many miraculous stories in the Bible, yet I never hear about people walking on water these days? Come on, this is the YouTube generation. Surely someone somewhere is performing miracles.
I dunno. I believe in God and I believe there is something larger than all of us. Don’t ask me to explain it because I can’t. I just know what I feel, and it gives me comfort. I feel good praying when I go to sleep at night.
Anyway, last month I decided to go to a church. It’s what I call a “gay church,” meaning it’s accepting of the gay community and the pastor is a lesbian. It really took a lot to get me to go. Several people have asked me to attend over the years, and I resisted quite a bit.
The pastor is a sweet woman. She talked about loving ourselves and opening up to being loved by others. Am I open to love? Am I truly willing to let someone love me back?
Hard questions nobody wants to think about. They opened up a floodgate in my soul. Before I knew it, tears were pouring out of me. I couldn’t even contain myself. I tried to pretend like I was okay, but the rain would not stop pouring.
The moral of the story was (of course) about letting God love me. Letting myself be healed and letting go of the pain. We all have pain. Maybe some of you out there are clinging to it too.
Everyone goes to church for different reasons. I’m not particularly concerned with the Bible, or anything related to religion. Instead, I look at it as an opportunity to grow emotionally. I’m not sure how it all plays out with relation to Jesus or God, but I did feel something that day. It helped.
It was the right time and the right place that day. To answer the hard questions— Am I open to love? Yes, I believe I am. I do love myself. I radiate love. I think anyone who knows me feels it.
Also, I do believe in a higher power and I believe that I can become a more enriched person through this church. I don’t agree with or believe in everything they teach, but thankfully they aren’t preachy or pushy. I appreciate that. I think it’s okay to agree with some things and disagree with others. The core message is still love and compassion. I’m all for that.
Are you open to love?
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I think I am. But I’ve been accused in fits of anger of “not being open.” So, who knows. I like myself (well, except for right at this particular period in my life….but I’m hopeful). I have a feeling that I’m much like you in some respects.
BTW — We’ve attended “one of those churches” for many years until this particular year. And, I must say, we enjoyed our time there.
I don’t really have a complaint with Christianity. I think questions are good and should be welcomed. I actually have questions and moments where I kind of ponder or wonder about things. Like yourself, I’d like to see miracles and whatnot; stuff like what is talked about in the Bible. I guess depending on how one looks at things, maybe miracles are taking place everyday but we don’t really think about them. IDK I’ve never been to a “gay church”, but it might be interesting to visit one?? I grew up attending Methodist churches, and I’m generally satisfied with those, but at this time and place in my life I don’t like going. I’ve attended AG churches and wept over feelings that came over me (don’t recall ever doing that in a Methodist church). I’ve often wondered if that’s the sort of place I need to be in. I mean maybe that’s where I’m most spiritually moved and inspired. So I’ve entertained the idea of trying an AG church again sometime, but IDK. I’m not sure I’m ready yet. I feel like I want to get some other things “taken care of” in my life.