The Great Lesbian Hunt
I need some carpet muncher friends, for reals.
Lately there has been all kinds of crazy boy drama in my life and I’ve decided I need a few good bull dykes to keep things in order.
But how do you meet lesbians? They don’t hang out at the gay club because there’s nothing on the menu they want to sample. I can’t find them in a personal ad. The majority of my friends are gay boys. What do I have to do to get a little bit of pussy in my life?
I contemplated a bear trap, but a friend quickly pointed out that I’d only catch bears that way. Bears are cool with me as long as they keep their shirts on. Sweeping up the floors is a chore otherwise. You know I’m like a non-shedding cat so my floors rarely have any hair on them.
Do I make a trail of tuna to catch a lesbian? Do I have a sell on flannel or offer up big dogs to adopt? Do I organize a car show in my neighborhood? I dunno.
Well tonight I met with a friend to get some food at Wendy’s. I told him we were going lesbian hunting at the Home Depot afterwards. I had this plan where I could lure them over and he could be hiding with a big net to capture them.
So anyway, we were there at the counter when a real life lesbian placed an order. I guess she knew we were a couple of homosexuals so she made small talk, making sure to mention her “girlfriend.”
I was so excited! I told him to get the net! He just smiled like I was joking. Mmm-hmm. I’m serious; I’ll bag a lesbian and take her home to fix my dryer.
If any lesbians out there are taking applications, I would really like to be your friend. Thank you.
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Nathan….it has been my experience that a majority of lesbians are not male friendly, gay or straight. They maintain strong relationships amongst themselves….as if it were some secret sorority. I have a friendship with two lesbian couples and both keep me at a guarded distance. Additionally, I have been to several “lesbian” parties and the reception has been cool at best. I have always found the best female relationships were those of gay-friendly, straight women of with whom I have very fulfilling relationships….Good Luck in your uphill journey…Regards…Joe
Damnit, you took all the best jokes. *pout*
I hang out almost exclusively with lesbos – my four closest friends are muff divers and they certainly aren’t male haters. I flipping hate hanging out with *most* fags – too much drama and bullshit for me. Dykes are much more grounded, imho.
You’re not looking to replace me as your #1 girlfriend, are you? I am NOT going to switch to Labia Lunches, even for you, my sweetie!
But seriously, I do support your quest, if only so you can have a friend who can teach you some studly household and car maintenance shit. Go for it!
Back in Wisconsin i had no gay male friends, they were all lesbians.. soo a friend of mine dubbed me “Lesbro” an honorary lesbian. I feel so special.
Nathan, you crack me up and really put a smile on my face reading this. On the serious side, most of my friends are straight women. That might be an easier way to go for a little estrogen in your life.