The Return of Pimp Daddy Nathan
Well, shucks, it didn’t work out…
I was planning on dressing up as Kathy Griffin for Halloween. I was so excited about it. I had a red wig and make-up and planned on wearing all black like she does during her routines. I even got blue contacts, but I just couldn’t pull it off. As pale as I am, my features are still too dark to be her. I just looked like a bad drag queen with a red wig on.
But I’m excited to say that I plan to to wear my pimp outfit that I wore in 2005 at The Ellen Degeneres Show. I think it will be fun. Now who wants to be Pimp Daddy Nathan’s bitches for Halloween? Any volunteers?
Pretty Boys
Why didn’t anyone tell me about flesh tone eye shadow? Tiny blood vessels on my eyelids are soooo yesterday. Every guy needs some eye makeup.
An Unexpected Friend
It’s time to talk about Rodney again. Many of you know him. He was a part of my life for 8 years, a part of this blog for 4 years, and when we broke up last March, his name was dragged through the mud with my anger and bitterness.
I meant what I said at the time. It was a hard time, a bad time, and a very ugly, low point. I’m not going to backtrack and try to pretend it didn’t happen.
But over time, wounds have healed and I finally forgave him in August. You may have even noticed that sometimes he comments on posts now.
Rodney has become a good friend and an active part of my life. We talk several times a week, sometimes for an hour or more. I’ve spent time with him and his new partner. The three of us went to a festival one day, and another time, we went out to dinner and a bar with some of their friends. Last Sunday, I met them at church and went to brunch afterwards. I like his new partner and I’m happy for them.
It’s amazing how life can change. I obviously never thought I’d hang out with an ex and his new man. I never thought that we’d become friends and we’d talk about boys together. He even tries to set me up with his friends! Ha ha!
Anyway, life is funny. For better or worse, this is where it’s brought me. I’m glad that Rodney has become an unexpected friend. For all the mean things I’ve said about him, I felt I should say something nice.
Thanks, Rodney.
Single
I hate being single.
I wish I were somebody’s someone. Tonight I’m nobody’s anybody.
Help Me with My Halloween Costume
Halloween is less than 2 weeks away and I need a costume.
I hadn’t planned on dressing up, but I guess I am now. I am so bad at coming up with ideas for costumes too.
My thoughts so far:
- Something mysterious that hides my identity, but isn’t necessarily scary
- Something dark, and perhaps gothic (not a vampire though)
- A mask comes to mind, but nothing heavy
Eh, that’s all I have so far.
Oh, wait! What if I dressed up like a balloon made of foil? Hmmm…
No, lame.
I don’t know. Thoughts, ideas? You can tell me what you’re dressing as since chances are we won’t be at the same party. 
Making Friends
Life doesn’t always go as planned. When I started this year, I was wrapped up in a comfy cocoon with my partner of 8 years. We didn’t go out much, we didn’t do much, and I really didn’t know that many people.
A lot of changes and surprises have taken place this year. Some good, some bad, but I keep getting up and moving forward.
The best thing I’ve done for myself has been getting out there and meeting new people. It was hard at first. I’m an introvert and I believe that’s an embedded trait. But I am friendly to people, I smile and I take a genuine interest in them. That gets me really far and people perceive me as a warm and thoughtful person. I enjoy it.
This is a photo that was taken last night at a bar. I was laughing and it’s authentic joy on my face. I thought it was worth sharing.
(If you look closely, there’s even some nipple pornage.)
Here’s to living!
A Casual First Date
I met him on a Saturday with a small group of friends.
Sweet blue eyes and an adorable smile. He was tall and thin, goofy and unpretentious. He seemed surprised when he saw me, swearing we’d met before, but I knew we never had.
He and I talked for over an hour, telling stories and bringing out a unique silliness in each other. Sometimes we glanced over at other friends, just long enough to see them raise their eyebrows at us. Yeah, we knew we were being dorks. We didn’t seem to mind.
I asked him for his number before I left. I told him I’d call him sometime and he said he hoped I would with a wink.
The next morning, I woke up to a voicemail of him asking for my Avon order. So silly, but I laughed out loud and played it 3 more times. Instead of waiting for me to call, he’d asked a friend for my number and made the first move.
We talked for hours that Sunday night. Again, the conversation came so easily. He sent me a text message that Monday telling me “good morning” and we talked for 3 hours that night.
By Tuesday, I’d decided I wanted to ask him on a date. I hadn’t quite figured out where or when yet. As usual, he beat me to the punch.
“Can we go to dinner tomorrow?” he asked. “I’ll even pick you up at your house.”
I accepted his invitation with the biggest smile. Nobody had ever asked me out before, much less picked me up. Usually I did that. But actually, I was kind of excited to pass the pressure to someone else.
He called me at least 5 times that Wednesday. I hardly got any work done before our date, but I didn’t mind. We had a nice dinner and I was extra flirtacious. There was one specific moment where I leaned in to the table to see if he would too. He did, his big blue eyes fixated on me as he hung on every word. I knew at that moment that I had him.
After we ate, he drove me to a secluded hill where you could see the entire Nashville skyline. It was amazing. I never knew the spot existed, and apparently most people don’t.
He got a blanket out of the car and spread it on the grass. The velvety black sky was filled with stars and a big, bright moon. The autumn air was cool and crisp.
I was a bit tense at first, but I loosened up when he shyly rested his head on my chest. I pulled him in closely to let him know it was okay. Then I wrapped both of my arms around him as he stroked the hair of my chest underneath my shirt. He ran his fingers up and down my body, sending chills through me.
Time passed quickly—too quickly. He drove me to my house and walked me toward the front door. We stopped on the sidewalk, the moon hanging over our heads and our faces lit by the orange Halloween lights on my porch.
He spread his arms for a big, warm hug. I leaned in and we shared our first kiss. I thanked him for a great evening.
30 minutes later, he called to tell me “goodnight.” He hinted around about the status of things and I finally put his mind to rest.
“Don’t worry,” I assured him. “There will be a second date.”
After the phone call, he sent me a text message. Then it was sweet dreams for both of us.
The Great Lesbian Hunt
I need some carpet muncher friends, for reals.
Lately there has been all kinds of crazy boy drama in my life and I’ve decided I need a few good bull dykes to keep things in order.
But how do you meet lesbians? They don’t hang out at the gay club because there’s nothing on the menu they want to sample. I can’t find them in a personal ad. The majority of my friends are gay boys. What do I have to do to get a little bit of pussy in my life?
I contemplated a bear trap, but a friend quickly pointed out that I’d only catch bears that way. Bears are cool with me as long as they keep their shirts on. Sweeping up the floors is a chore otherwise. You know I’m like a non-shedding cat so my floors rarely have any hair on them.
Do I make a trail of tuna to catch a lesbian? Do I have a sell on flannel or offer up big dogs to adopt? Do I organize a car show in my neighborhood? I dunno.
Well tonight I met with a friend to get some food at Wendy’s. I told him we were going lesbian hunting at the Home Depot afterwards. I had this plan where I could lure them over and he could be hiding with a big net to capture them.
So anyway, we were there at the counter when a real life lesbian placed an order. I guess she knew we were a couple of homosexuals so she made small talk, making sure to mention her “girlfriend.”
I was so excited! I told him to get the net! He just smiled like I was joking. Mmm-hmm. I’m serious; I’ll bag a lesbian and take her home to fix my dryer.
If any lesbians out there are taking applications, I would really like to be your friend. Thank you.
The Return of Nipple Pornage
What I saw:
A smiley photo in my cute pumpkin colored shirt.
What Chris saw:
More nipple pornage.
Oh well. Take your pick.
Quick Question
Without looking it up, how many people know what the taint is?
Please post your answer in the comments. Thanks. 
