You Spin Me Right Round, Baby…
Right round, like a record, baby…
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=16vpjYjzG0g
Happy Sunday
I sure know how to leave you hanging, don’t I?
After the very emotional post about my last night at the house, I’m happy to report that I’m doing just fine in my new home.
I moved on Friday and thankfully the rain spared me that day. Then last night, Brandon came over. He worked his magic on the living room. I was busy putting stuff away in the kitchen for 30 minutes and he had the whole living room unpacked, photos on the mantle, shelves, and tables. Wow. I’m not a very good gay when it comes to things like that. Thankfully he is.
I’m tired and I know I should rest, but I hardly slept at all last night. I finally just gave up and came back downstairs to do more stuff. I suppose it will catch up to me eventually.
Thanks to everyone for your continued support and heartfelt concern. I should have made this move a month ago. It would have saved a lot of turmoil. But oh well. I’m here now and life is great.
Robert Pattinson’s Gay Kiss
My favorite vampire, Robert Pattinson of Twilight is now starring in Little Ashes, a movie in which he plays one of my favorite surrealist artists, Salvador Dali. What a combination of favorites.
I’ve heard a lot about his nervousness with the gay sex scenes. I guess even in 2009, it’s considered a risk for a straight actor to “go gay” for a movie, especially at the height of his fame. It either goes really well and you get an award for it, or it totally bombs and nobody speaks of it. We’ll see. I really don’t know what the big deal is, but perhaps the sex scenes are more graphic.
All I’ve seen is this kiss in the water:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JSrsrSlar-s
Here’s a new one of a sex scene, thanks to Irisgirl:
Fade To Black
This is the last night in my house. Emotions ran high today. Rodney has been crying non-stop as we took everything off the walls, divided our belongings, put them into boxes. The holes left from the nails reminded me of the hole in my heart. (I know, I know, so dramatic. It’s how I felt though.)
It’s been a long time coming and now it’s finally here. It’s really over, and the reality is overwhelming when I see the empty shell of this house that was once a home.
Tonight I crept into the bedroom where he was sleeping. It used to be ours. He was there with our dog Petey. I sat down and started crying. Rodney woke up and we started talking.
I explained some things to him. I explained why I couldn’t forgive him. I explained why I could never trust him again. We had a lot of major differences throughout our relationship, and we both agreed that we were mismatched from the start. But nonetheless, I did love him. If he hadn’t cheated on me, I would have probably stayed with him for the rest of my life.
I gave him a second chance, and he blew that too. I feel like I gave up too easily… but relationships just don’t work without the foundation of trust. There is no trust now. I feel like I never knew him at all.
After about 20 minutes of sobbing and stuttering out broken words, I finally got up and proceeded to leave. It seemed like slow motion. I saw the outline of Rodney’s face in the moonlight. A full moon. I knew I would never see him that way again. He was holding Petey at that point, and they looked like such a happy family that I was no longer part of.
As I walked out, it all seemed to fade to black as I said “goodbye” to the life I used to know.
It’s all changing now and I have to start a new life for myself. A new family of my own. I hope I get my happily ever after this time. I’m a man with a lot of love to give to someone who deserves it.
3 Years Ago Today…
Picture it: May 5, 2006. A couple named Nathan and Rodney signed the papers for their new house. To celebrate, they had lunch at the local Olive Garden, a place where they’d had their first date 5 years earlier, and it was a bright new future for them.
On this same day in 2009, I have finalized plans to move out this weekend. I found a townhome to rent, and I just got off the phone with the manager. All of my paperwork was approved and the place is mine. It’s funny what a difference 3 years makes.
But I’m very excited about it. The townhome is pretty cool actually. It’s 2 stories, 2 bedrooms, 1.5 baths, and a formal dining room, all for the same price Rodney is going to pay for a regular apartment. I suppose there are some benefits to a bad economy, eh?
A river runs through the back of the community and there is a walking trail too. It’s very quiet and serene. I think I’m going to enjoy summer there a lot.
Hmm… what else? Oh, I don’t know if I’ve ever officially said it, but we’re foreclosing on the house. I’ve talked to everyone… realtors, banks. I’ve even done my own research. The bottom line is that the value of this house has completely tanked and there is pretty much no way we would be able to sell it for anything close to what we owe on the loan.
To put it another way, even if it sold for top dollar, we would still owe tens of thousands of dollars to the bank in order to make good on the loan. So foreclosure is the only choice. I hate that because it’s going to tarnish my credit, and will obviously be stressful. But this is the situation millions of people are finding themselves in right now.
I’m happy to be getting a fresh start, though. A new home, a new life. It’s going to be really good. I even get to leave my dirty clothes on the floor and dishes in the sink. Ah, it’s the little things that bring me joy. 
Open Thread: How Is Your May Going?
Ooh, it’s my favorite thread. A monthly post where comments are open for anyone and everyone to say what’s on their mind and what’s going on in their life.
So here goes… How is your month going? Leave a comment and tell me all about it.
Stronger
Last night, I was talking to my Mother, and feeling a bit weak. It was just a momentary weakness. I actually had a really good Saturday. But nonetheless, she did catch me in a very brief moment of self doubt.
That’s when Mom gave me a pep talk. First of all, let me say that my Mother is my heroine. She’s strong, ambitious, and she’s been self employed for 35 years. She is a woman who gets what she wants, and I love her for it.
Like any Mother should do, she stepped in and told me what’s what…
“Nathan, you’re the strongest person I know. You’ve accomplished things in your life that I could never do. You moved out on your own the day after you graduated high school. You found a job, paid for an apartment, and held it all together when you were just 18. You always do what you say you’re going to do. You’ve inspired me. Don’t ever doubt the great things you’re capable of.”
Brings a tear to your eye, doesn’t it? That’s what my Mother thinks of me.
And she’s right. I can do anything I want. I’m 27 and I’ve already done a lot. I’m getting back on my feet and life is looking good for me. I’m going to be happier and better off than I’ve ever been before.
I’m so lucky to be surrounded by such positive and loving people in my life. I guess you get back what you give.
HIV Negative
My latest blood test results show I’m HIV Negative.
I get tested regularly, even though I was in a relationship for 8 years. Anyone can stray in a relationship, there’s no way to be completely “safe”. That’s why I think it’s important to be aware of your status and keep current with it. The reality is that unsuspecting people get infected every day.
So if you haven’t been tested lately, go do it! Your local doctor can take a blood sample, and there are also discreet clinics to have it done in most areas.
And if it does turn out that you’re positive, and you didn’t know it, then at least you can start working with your doctor to deal with it. That’s much healthier and more proactive than going into denial about it.
No matter what your status is, it feels good to know, rather than just assuming.
