Letters to India

Mar 7, 2009 | Filed in Humor | 3 Comments

An e-mail conversation with a friend of mine…

Hi Nathan,

I was so happy to hear from you! I’m living in India now. I lost my job last September and had to go back to India to get a student visa. But when I got here, my visa was rejected, and now I can’t go back to America. I get to apply again this fall, but right now, I’m trying to think of other ways to get my visa to go back to the U.S.

Wish me luck,
Lady friend from India

***

Dear lady friend from India,

Oh, no! That’s terrible! Did you just have to leave everything behind? Your car, your apartment, your sex toys? And who is feeding your cat???

When the going gets tough, you just have to get tougher. What you need to do is find yourself a nice American tourist or business man and marry him. Then you can come back with him. I know you Indian women are very modest, but you’re going to have to show a little leg to get his attention. This is no time to be shy.

Now if you’re not too picky, you could also find yourself a nice lesbian. I like lesbians a lot. They’re good at fixing cars, changing light bulbs, lifting heavy furniture, etc. I always keep a spare lesbian in our storage shed because you just never know when you’ll need one.

Just go for it! It’s you against the world, baby!

Love,
Nathan

***

When you’re friends with me, this is the kind of advice I will give you. Just ask anyone who knows me.