Deal Breakers
Every relationship has a list of deal breakers… a specific set of do’s and don’t's that are grounds for an immediate ending.
Last week, Rodney broke one of our deals and it was a big one in my book. So I ended things.
I asked Rodney to go stay with some friends so I’d have time to breathe and process what I was feeling. The next day, I went to my parents’ house here in Illinois so I could get some needed support.
Rodney has asked me to go to counseling with him and I’ve agreed to it. Actually, I’m kind of looking forward to it.
I need to find out what caused this to happen. I also need to find out how to work through this pain. I think this counseling is going to be good all the way around.
The future is uncertain… but isn’t it always? Perhaps we will be able to work this out and be a stronger, happier couple. Or maybe I’ll just never be able to forgive him. If that happens, at least I can say we both tried to fix it.
8 years is a long time to be with someone. It’s worth trying for. I’m just going to take this one day at a time and try to deal with everything with a level head.
Thank you so much for your continued support while I deal with this. It means so much to me and really lifts my spirits!
I will be back in Tennessee on Sunday night and will be seeing Rodney for the first time since it happened. We’re going to do some talking and go from there.
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You’re the only one who can determine the correct path for you to take. You’ve definitely got something to keep trying for, but on the other hand, life is short. Take lots of deep breaths, engage in lots of open honest discussion and remember that things almost always work out for the best in the long run. Even when it doesn’t seem that way in the moment. XO
Sorry to hear about this, Nathan.
You are right, no relationship is without it’s struggles. I think it is the right decision to get a little space to think things over. I also feel that couples counseling is the right route to go. Matt and I went about 2 years into our relationship, and we’re better for it. Whatever your decision, it is your decision and will be respected. Big Hugs
OMG–I’m away for a few days and look what happens! Seriously, so sorry to hear about this. I won’t kid you–this will be a tough time. I’ve been there, or at least close enough to the same point you are that I could reach out and touch it, and yet my partner and I are still together. Unfortunately, there are no easy answers. I wish you guys all the best. Sending you peace and clarity.
Hi Nathan: I was shocked and saddened by the news, but I’m glad that the two of you are willing to take a look at things. I have been with my partner, now my husband, for the last 18 years (at least in California, so far). There have been ups and downs along the way. Sometimes, things pass just with time, sometimes there is a lot of discussion that has to take place first. The severity of the issue is the determining factor. It sounds like you are on the right path. If the issue can be resolved without you giving up too much of yourself, too much of what is important to you, then you may be able to find a way through. But, if that isn’t the case, you’ll have to be very strong, stick with your personal principles, and believe that there is someone out there in whom you can trust, and if you don’t find him, being on your own is OK too.
Before my current relationship, I was in a marriage (heterosexual) for 9 years. Although it ended becuase of my own actions, a very painful 4 years followed for myself and for my children and my ex-wife. We all emerged from that largely in tact, but the pain was just lacerating. If you are going through that right now, even without the added complication of chrildren, I lend you my support.
Now having an 18 year-long relationship, and seeing the place at which we have arrived, I feel nothing but an inner joy when I think of our life together. Our lives are truly so intwined with each other, that neither one of us could think of doing something that would hurt the other. It’s a wonderful place, but it took a lot of work for us to get here. You must remember that everyone is human. We all make mistakes, and we can all forgive. But if the incident isn’t a mistake, if there is something wrong in the underlying structure, if it violates your own personal convictions so strongly that you can’t regain trust, even if you do forgive, it will end up eroding you own self esteem. That, you can’t live without. So, as you talk through it all and feel your way along, it might help to keep that in mind. If Rodney asks you to live your life in such a way that it takes away a piece of your self, then you first have to protect you, even if that means moving on.
I wish you all the best.
I can completely understand that you’re very upset because Rodney broke one of your deals. And I think there are some things that would upset me very much if my partner did it. And for a long time I also said I would break up immediately if he did this or that.
But, you’ve been together for 8 years. And not long ago you posted that you still love each other, which is fantastic. So take your time, but at least think about giving him another chance. Don’t let one mistake (how upsetting it ever was) ruin what you had for so many years.
Hey Handsome, I’m not really sure that this small little comment box is enough space, or the appropriate place, to tell you that I think that nearly anything can be worked through. I’m happy for you that you’re willing to at least try and see it through. I can tell you that fresh air, a new perspective, and a brand new day can do wonders for anyone. All of my best to you both.
Hang in there!
I am so glad that your first decision was to have a few days apart, rather than rush into divying up the furniture.
I hope you feel encouraged by the support and advice from the above commenters , who obviously speak from experience and concern.
Hugs and the very best wishes to you and Rodney!
I’m sorry to hear this. I hope that you can find some amicable solution. In the end I wish you only happiness. Take care and be true to your self. (((HUGS)))
Nathan, so sorry to hear this news. I am glad though that you guys are going to try to work it out. I’m sending you as much positive energy as I can!
Thank you so much for opening up and sharing your own advice and experiences with me. It’s really helped me a lot this past week! I’m so lucky to know so many kind and helpful people!
As others have said, only you know what is right for you and Rodney. At least you are talking about it, that is the main thing. I wish you well in what ever happens.