The After Christmas Post
Hello all! I hope you had happy holidays.
After almost a week away, Rodney and I are back in Tennessee and getting back to things. I must say it’s been an introspective week. We’ve come to terms and are facing the grim truths of how we feel.
Rodney and I, as well as my parents, have all agreed we no longer enjoy Christmas. There is a long list of reasons why, and as much as I’d like to go into detail, I think it would only come off as whiny when I really don’t intend to be.
I guess the short version is that it’s just not the same. Our family is shrinking. In the last 2 years, Rodney has lost his father, I’ve lost my grandmother (Mom’s side), and Rodney’s nephew passed away. Family traditions are waning and all that’s left is a fake smile as we are reminded of Christmas past, when we had happier times.
The funny thing is I can’t name one thing that went wrong this week. We had good visits with many family members, spent quality time, ate good meals, have some laughs, shared some hugs. If this were a movie, everything would seem just fine.
But there is an emptiness we feel and we discussed it with my parents. All 4 of us feel it, so it can’t just be coincidence. None of us are sure if we will ever be able to move on and enjoy the holidays. We feel like we’re just going through the motions, doing what’s expected, but none of us really feel the way we’d like to feel (or used to feel).
So I guess this is something we’ll need to work on. The human spirit is always a work in progress, right? It’s comforting to know that I’m not the only one who feels lost, and maybe as a family, we can all lean on each other to find our way in the dark.
In the mean time, Rodney and I are both ready and waiting for the new year. It’s a symbolic opportunity to shed any burdens from 2008 and get a fresh start.
2009, here we come.
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Sounds like its time to move on and create your own Holiday Traditions. Life is not static. Maybe its time to do Christmas in the Caribbean and bring your parents along!
I went through this several years ago. Creating my own holiday magic changed everything.
You guys are yet another to add to the mounting list of those who don’t feel the same way about the holidays that they used to. Us, either. I think it’s about finding what works for you, and only you….at this point, this stage, this year, of your life. Take what you like about the traditional past and keep it. And then toss the rest away. I’m glad you’re home….we’re in New York state!
I will repeat what the others have said, perhaps it is time to discuss some new traditions, they may or may not involve what are considered ‘normal’ holiday tradtions. Perhaps inviting your family to Tennessee. Sometimes a change of venue can work wonders. But, the main thing, is you and your parents discussed it, so there is time before next year to think of things.
I sure know what you guys are going through, and wish you all the best in dealing with changing family dynamics.
My family has been “in transition” ever since my mom died 10 years ago. She was our “glue” holding together the immediate and extended family. Nothing has felt right since, especially the various holidays and other traditional family occasions.
We have tried many different variations on how to observe those occasions—how, where, with whom, etc. Mostly things happen out of default, with no consistency or clear planning. We have really just been adrift…
Wow, Nathan, you sure opened my can of worms!
Happy New Year to you and your sweet Rodney, Petey and the cats…may it be filled with love, peace and good health!
At least you guys are able to talk about your feelings honestly. That will go a long way in helping you wade through everything. I agree that forming some new traditions might help.
I felt so disconnected from Christmas this year myself. But that’s ok. Let’s see what’s on the horizon…
As James said – you need to create your own traditions. Or maybe have the tradition that every year will be different.
Sit down and decide what is important about the holiday, and go ahead and do the important stuff.
Sure, build some time in if you think necesary to remember those absent, but you’ll probably find that those absent will have ways of making themselves remembered.