Dear Ex Boyfriend
NOTE: This post was a joke, and I’m not sure if that came across. I would never really send an e-mail like this to someone. But I wrote it because it made me feel better. It’s funny that hundreds of strangers get to read it, but my ex never will.
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Dear Ex,
My first love… the one I’ve compared all others to. The one I’ve felt like nobody could ever replace or live up to…
Tonight I was feeling kind of sad about a fight I’d had earlier, so I went on MySpace looking for you. I know it sounds kind of messed up, but whenever I have a fight with my partner Rodney, I like to go online and check up on my exes. If nothing else, it’s just fun to keep tabs.
But you’ve been the hardest to find. Do you know that you left me 10 years ago and never even gave me the chance to say goodbye? You already had another guy lined up in another town, and it really hurt me. 1 full decade, and I have never completely gotten over you.
Tonight, the search ended when I finally found you on MySpace. Seeing you now makes it all better… because now I see what a schmuck you’ve become. At first it made me sick to read all that things you say to your current boyfriend. “Soulmate”, “love of my life”, all the things you used to say to me. The ring you’re wearing even looks similar to the one I gave you.
But after reading into your current life, and checking out your photos, I finally feel better. You really are a total waste of air, and time has been cruel to you. The fact that you’ve lost all your hair is just icing on the cake because I know how much you used to love your hair.
There was so much I’ve wanted to say to you to get closure for myself. So many walls I wanted to break down. All those words just disappeared tonight.
I think this photo of you summarizes it all:
You’re free to go from my heart now… You’re no longer the man I saw as the love of my life. Instead, you’re just the man in drag on MySpace who got shit on my dick the first time I had sex.
Farewell,
Nathan
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nathan
im glad u realized how much of an ass ur ex was…now u can go on w/ur life knowing god was just looking out for u wen he left.
i’m happy u found closure.
-Sammii
P.s
Sux 2b ur ex lol
Hi nathan – got your “secret post”. I hope you’re feeling better. Let me know if you want to talk about it. You know I’m always happy to lend you a sympathetic ear, just as you have done for me in the past.
xxoo
Me
Nathan
I’m glad you were able to close thid chapter in your life. I am dealing with the same isses now and can relate totally. I just hope it doesn’t take me 10 years to get over him. LOL
Thanks for your insight.
D-
oh my.
There, there, poor dear lad.
An Internet hug and a kiss for you tonight.
Aren’t you glad you got that off your di…I mean, chest?
Although we probably all realized it was satire, I think deep down we were wishing it were true. At least I was. As for Me, I would love to actually tell my ex that.