assert yourself.
I have a difficult time being assertive, and I am recognizing my flaw outloud. I want to improve on my flaw and I am starting immediately.
Being aggressive is easy. I can be the meanest guy you ever met.
Being nice is easy. I can be the friendliest guy you ever met.
But assertiveness is a difficult task. Actually, many people confuse assertiveness with aggression. The actual definition of assertiveness is being able to express what you want or how you feel in a clear, confident tone, without inflicting hostility or anger. It means making a statement without being sarcastic or mean-spirited. Basically, it means you have to be nice and can’t make others feel bad or afraid, while clearly stating your wants outloud.
I want to be more assertive. Sometimes I am just flat out cruel, and that always makes me feel shitty afterwards. Other times, I am simply too nice, and I think people associate kindess with vulnerability. Assertiveness is the happy medium. It means putting yourself first while respecting others.
This is my own motto, and I will work to live by it:
—–
I am an assertive person.
I can clearly and confidently express my feelings, opinions, and desires.
I am not responsible for how people react to me.
I say what I mean, what I feel, and what I want.
I will receive what I ask for.
I will speak up, even when I am secretly afraid.
I am an important person and what I say matters.
I am not going to give up or give in to other people.
I will put myself first, before anyone else.
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I went through assertiveness training in 1986. My college buddies put me through it since I was so timid. As a result, they produced a monster from 1987 – 89 where I actually yelled at a nun at one point….
Hmmm…be careful, UncN!
Excellent post! I have trouble with finding that balance between being aggressive and being passive, too – it’s not easy to walk that fine line. But you’ve expressed the definition of assertiveness very well, I think! I’m going to borrow your “mantra”, so to speak, and use it myself.
I can lack assertiveness at times, particularly when I “out of my element”. At least, I FEEL that way. My friends say “No, you’re PLENTY assertive John!”
So I don’t know…
Dan – I’ll be signing up for your classes!
Thom – I’m really flattered that I could provide some inspiration to your own way of doing things.
John – That’s an interesting point. I’m like that too. When I feel out of place, I am more passive. But when I am confident, familiar, and feel I really understand the topic, I am more likely to be
aggressive… shit, I mean assertive. Yeah.