Let’s get deeper…
Sometimes I like to get down to the core of things and find out the naked truth about people. So I’m going to throw this idea out there. Participate if you like, or just overlook my request. Whichever you are most comfortable with.
On your blog, write about one of the following situations (or both):
1) Your “coming out” experience. Whether it was good or bad, reveal the details.
2) The worst encounter with homophobia that you’ve ever experienced.
If you want to participate, comment to this with the URL to your post.
Maybe your story will offer some inspiration to someone else who might be struggling.
This is my own encounter with homophobia (Warning: It’s intense):
My Worst Experience with Homophobia
Where it happened: High School
When: March, 1998
It was just another day of my miserable high school experience. I was at school, eating lunch in the cafeteria with my group of outcast friends. A few tables away, all the hicks sat down to lunch. They ranged in age, size, and ugliness, but the one thing they all had in common was their hate for me. I was the school fag. I was openly gay, and that didn’t make sense to their cousin-fucking, redneck morals.
One of the guys thought it would be funny to throw food at me. I had my back to them, and I felt something come flying at me. It was something hard, I don’t remember what. I knew what they were doing, but I tried to remain calm. I was a skinny, scared little sophomore. I had no strength in numbers. They were big, burly fuckers. Some of them were well over 6 feet, and some probably weighed twice as much as I did.
I considered going over there, but I knew they would jump me in a heartbeat. What were those little old lunch ladies going to do to protect me? I knew I couldn’t take on a whole group by myself.
The food throwing continued. I was paralyzed. I just felt so weak inside, I couldn’t even find the strength to get up and walk away. If I walked away, I would feel like a wimp. So I was determined to build the strength to go over there. I sat there, erupting like a volcano inside, trying to push myself to get up. But I was overwhelmed.
What kind of animal deserves this? You wouldn’t throw hard pieces of food at your dog, so that must have meant I was beneath a dog to them.
Then, an apple came flying and hit one of my friends in the back of the head. Goddamn, this was crazy. Why were we so scared? None of us would get up.
A Moment of Peace
Finally, the bell rang and they left. I felt so defeated, and so ashamed of myself. I really wished I had taken them on. But again, how could I possibly take on a group of rednecks with my own bare hands?
I took a back exit and quietly made my way upstairs to see my boyfriend Jack (not his real name) at his locker. When I saw him, tears started to form in my eyes. It was so good to see his smile after that awful experience. I tried to keep it together so I could tell him what happened.
Then, the main guy who started the food abuse came walking down the stairs. Let’s call him Caleb. I saw Caleb, but he didn’t see me. It was crowded, but I knew he would pass me.
An Explosion
Something inside me snapped. I was so humiliated and I wanted him to feel my pain. I walked up to Caleb and cornered him against the brick wall. I yelled at him and asked him who the faggot was. I pushed him, and knocked his books out of his hands. I was testing his boundaries, seeing how far I could go.
To my surprise, Caleb wasn’t so strong without his clan. So I busted him in his face. It felt so good to blast my fist against his skull. I went off on him. I lost my conscience, I lost my fear. I don’t know how many times I hit him, it became blurry.
Then, Jack moved in and wrapped his hand around Caleb’s throat. He pushed Caleb flat against the wall and his blue eyes were filled with ice. I thought he would snap Caleb’s head off like a twig.
My heart was pounding. Was I about to witness a murder? Would it be my fault for starting the fight? What would happen next?
One of the teachers was a lesbian, and she understood our pain. She had been watching from the crowd, but she didn’t stop us. She knew how important this was, and she calmly let us have our revenge. Finally, things were getting too intense and some teachers broke it up.
Caleb lived…
The Aftermath
That was my worst ever experience with homophobia. Being treated like an animal, that is something I will never forget. Even though I hesitated, and even wimped out at first, I feel strong for defending myself. I don’t know if Jack should have gotten as violent as he did, but I cannot take responsibility for other human’s actions.
I am only responsible for what I do. And I think I did damn good.
Click here for Part 2: The Aftermath
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Even scarier!!
That gave me chills. I’m so proud to “know” you after reading this. Not only were you open about your sexuality at a time when many of us hide, but you stood up for who you are.
You amazed me today.
Vince – I am flattered beyond words. Thank you so very much. It really means a lot to me to get such warm feedback after revealing something so personal.
Yeah that was pretty cool. I was never really out in high school or anything but a few guys had suspected back in the eighth grade or so. Come high school though, 10th grade I sat a table with rather popular kids. I was totally miserable so they talked to me minimally if only not to wallow in my pain. But to get to the point I remember one day I sat down at the table and I noticed that some guy had written poopy dick RIGHT at the spot of my table. It was out of sight to everyone else because it was on the thin edge if you know what I mean. I was astonished and couldn’t bring myself to forget it. That period lasted forever.
hey dude very brave.. way to defend yourself… i’m proud of you for it.
Thanks J.T. I appreciate the encouragement. I wish you left me a little more info about yourself
Adrian I’m sorry to hear about that. Was that the best word they could come up with? Homophobes can be so stupid, not to mention uncreative.
We want to hear about the second part.
Yeah it was pretty pathetic since I never really talked to the kid. What would be worse though is if in a few years he ended up with a boyfriend or something!
Wow…I have never experinced anything to that magnitude but I am up for the challenge to discuss this at my blog at some point. Cudos to YOU my friend!
Just read this now – I’m so happy you stood up for yourself. and I agree – at an age where some of us are to afraid to come out. I only did at 25! – Last year (2005). Good for you! Well done for standing up for who you are.
Love CTG.
I am amazed at this. I am really inspired about your story. I just started reading your blog and this is very interesting.
M